“They—he—fuck.”
“It’s me, Garrett. I’m not going anywhere. Tell me.”
He pulled in another hard breath. “Josie was kneeling over a hay bale. Her wrists were hooked together, locked in leather cuffs. She was dressed in this corset outfit, also black leather…with panties that might as well have not been there, and a…a collar that was attached to a chain.” He twisted his hand against her and shoved a foot so hard that the rug bunched up. “Wyatt had his wife on a goddamn leash! And he was—”
“He was what?”
He looked away. “Shit. No. Forget it.”
“No way, Hawkins.” She clung to his arm like it was a parachute rip cord. “Spill it, or I’ll call Josie myself for a little girls’ chat.”
He swung a hot glare at her. She jabbed her chin out, not surrendering even a blink.
“You’re not kidding, are you?”
“I’ve had to eat bugs to survive, Sergeant. Do you think I’m kidding?”
His head fell against the cushions. He dragged his hand down his face. “He had a riding crop, okay? And he was striking her ass with it. Repeatedly. And hard.”
“Okay,” Sage answered evenly. “And was she liking it?”
“Hell, Sage. I wasn’t in a position to take a survey.”
“You remember a hell of a lot of details already. You want to tell me that you didn’t notice whether Josie was begging, ‘Get me out of here now’ or ‘Get inside me now?’”
“Did you really just ask me that?”
“Are you really still avoiding the answer?”
He threw her another glower. “Fine. Okay, she was…enjoying things…I suppose.”
He lurched off the couch and stormed to the hearth. Sage rose, too. He didn’t turn when she did. She lifted a hand, yearning to touch him, to make sure he knew she hadn’t suddenly turned to dust at his illicit revelation. Truthfully, she felt the opposite. For the first time since they’d returned from Thailand, she felt clear about her connection to him. This was them, tearing down walls together. This was them, forging into new territory together.
Together.
It felt wonderful to hear that word ringing in her consciousness. Better than wonderful.
“I’ve never told that to anyone.” Garrett dropped his hands as he muttered the confession. “I was afraid of it. Afraid…of what it had done to me.”
“What did it do to you?”
“You’ve been the firsthand witness of that, sugar. A couple of times now.”
She took a tentative step toward him. Stopped. Conflict sat on her shoulders as she carefully considered her next words.
Who was she kidding? There was no careful to be had here. He was either going to understand, once and for all, that his burgeoning Dominant was one of the best things that had happened to their relationship, or he’d choose to dive back in to his self-condemnation. She refused to stick around for that sight anymore.
“I don’t think you turned out so bad, Garrett.”
“Really?” As she half expected, he wheeled back around. His shoulders were stiff and his face was gaunt. “You don’t think so, huh? Well, isn’t that special.”
Had she been tempted to hold him a second ago? “It should be special,” she snapped. “I’m your fiancée. Does that count for anything anymore?”
He snorted. “Don’t you get it? After so many years of swearing I wouldn’t be like Wyatt, that I wouldn’t become him, that I’d be better than him at handling my shit…and yet I’ve tromped down the same damn path as him.” His lips twisted. “The only thing I didn’t fuck up was letting some starry-eyed kid get obsessed with me, only to have their hero fall and crumble as they watched.”
Sage dug her nails into her palms. Gazing at him was torment. It was worse than watching him get beat up, because he was the one doing the damage. And nothing she said could make him stop.
“You’re right,” she rasped. “On one thing. There’s no kid this time. But there is someone here who calls you hero.”
He blinked, clearly understanding her. And clearly not happy with that. Tough beans, Hawkins. You’re going to listen to this.
“You think it’s just a cute catch phrase for me, Garrett? You think it’s something I don’t believe with all my heart? Still?” She couldn’t stand the distance anymore. In two steps, she pressed herself against him. She looked up and spread a hand to the side of his head. “And no, you haven’t crumbled. Dear God, in this moment, you’re more strong and amazing to me than ever. You’re my hero in a million more senses. Confronting your truth takes as much guts as facing insurgent fire or an enemy grenade.” She smiled. “Or a slimebag in a jungle, selling women into slavery.”
His eyes went stunningly wide. In their blue fire, Sage caught the intensity of real horror. “Shit, Sage!”
He tried to turn away. She grabbed him harder. “No,” she pleaded. “Don’t close me out, damn it! Don’t run from this, Garrett. Don’t run from us.”
He curled his hands around the backs of her elbows. His fingertips pumped against her skin, keeping time to the hard breaths attacking his chest. “Sage.” He dipped his face, every cliff and valley of his features etched in the agony of a new creature bursting from its chrysalis. “I love you so much.”
“And I love you.” She flattened her hands to the ridges that defined his lower torso. “But right now, I also need you.” Using his body for balance, she slid downward. Then down even more. She didn’t speak again until she was in a full kneel, her head dropped between her upstretched arms. Just getting to that position made her mind shift into another place, where peace and power mixed together in a beautiful ambrosia. The elixir spread through her body, igniting her nerve endings, feeding the pulsing need in the deepest tissues of her sex. “I need to give it all to you, my hero. My body. My heart. My power. Take them. Use them to transport me. To transport you. You have all of me, Garrett. Everything.”
She was hyperaware of every part of his reaction. The tremors in his thighs shaking like the tree he’d pinned her to this afternoon. The breath entering and exiting his body like whooshes of a wind storm. The sound that vibrated up his throat, rough and tortured, as he stroked the top of her head.
“You really want this?” His growl was part savoring predator, part intent lover. Oh God, that voice. If that was what the devil sounded like when he’d approached Faust, she didn’t blame the guy for inking the deal on his soul.
“Yes.” She got the word out on a dry whisper.
His grip on her head changed. By slow degrees, he tightened and twisted until he had her more by the hair instead of her scalp. “Tell me again, sweet sugar.”
Oh, God. The growl that took over his voice… It belonged to the same beautiful, dark creature he’d untethered that first night back in Bangkok. Between that tone and the increasing torque of his hold, her skin began to tingle and her heart began to soar.
“Yes, Sir. I want this.”
Another rough sound rolled across his chest. The creature in him was assessing her. Mentally prowling around her. Approving her.
Sage sighed in bliss. To know she was doing this for him, giving him this dynamic that his soul and his body had craved for so long…she was joyous—floating.
He jerked harder on her hair. Her sigh turned into a sharp cry. She held nothing back from him, and it felt amazing. After a year of checking every move she made and controlling every sound she emitted, this freedom was a miracle. A gift. No more editing herself. No more worrying if anything was right or wrong, or too loud or too needy…
Garrett brought his other hand up to her head. When he had her braced in his dual grip, he pressed her face into the apex of his thighs. Sage bit hungrily at the fabric, reveling in how the ridge beneath his khakis jumped and surged for her. As his hold coiled tighter, she whimpered higher.