She shook her head. What the hell was this, besides the wrenching feeling that he’d given her a book with the middle fifty pages ripped out? “Not about what?”
“Sage.” He came back over, sitting next to her again. Though the smoke still clung to his eyes, Sage felt the pressure boiling in him. In the lines embedded at his temples and around his mouth, she saw the pain of unshared memories, the tension of unspoken words. “I’m messed up, okay? In ways…you don’t know about. Huge fucking ways.”
“Sure.” She reached for his hand, wrapping his long warm fingers with hers. “Welcome to the club. You don’t think there’s going to be a few things for us to hash out now on both sides of this? Fine. Let’s get started.”
The strain in his features got tighter. His stare combed over her face from top to bottom, again giving her a split second of pure magic before diving back behind that wretched smokescreen. “You didn’t sign up for this mess, baby.”
“The hell I didn’t. Damn it, Garrett. I took that engagement ring from you. That was the day I agreed to all your sloppy shit, too. Don’t give me this crap.” She gripped his hand tighter. “Let. Me. In.”
He expelled a heavy breath and then pulled her knuckles to his lips. Sage winced. His Prince Charming move would’ve had her crawling over into his lap if she didn’t see that dark haze of control dominating every corner of his gaze, infiltrating every taut muscle of his posture. Oh, yeah. She was still locked out.
She could almost dictate what he was going to say next.
“I’ll be back soon.”
He set down her hands.
He turned and covered the space to the door in two strides. He shoved into his boots without lacing up. Before Sage could find the strength to scream at him, he slipped out. His heavy steps echoed heavily in the hall. Then faded completely.
The room went cold. And airless. And unbearable.
She forced herself to move. “Come on,” she whispered furiously. “You’ve done this before. You’ve taken steps when you didn’t think you could. You’ve moved when you thought it was impossible.”
That was because you always thought of Garrett in order to do it.
Ignoring the desperate cry in her throat, she reached for his T-shirt again. With shaky fingers, she pulled it over her head. The damn thing was inside out, but she didn’t care. She picked up the grungy capris she’d been wearing when they got here and forced her trembling legs into them.
Keep moving. Just do it.
She couldn’t stay in this room. Not with his scent lingering in the air, with the sheets beneath her still warm where they’d lain together, maybe for the last time. Probably for the last time?
She needed air. Space. Sanity. A lobotomy.
On unsteady steps, she made her way out into the hall, but she hesitated outside the door. Where the hell would she go? Could she go? They were in the personal-residence wing of the embassy, so sounds reverberated at her much like a hotel. Pots clanked in a kitchen. A vacuum cleaner revved down a distant hall. A couple of women chatted excitedly at each other in Thai. A group of kids bounced some sort of ball around. Life was going on, but the concept seemed unreal. She stood in place, wondering where she fit into it all now…realizing that the picture felt all wrong without Garrett in it.
He would come back. Of course he would. He was Garrett. He always came back.
They were assurances based on a man she knew a year ago.
She folded her arms, trying to gain warmth from the assurance, but she couldn’t stop shivering.
A breeze kicked down the hallway, carrying the smells of plumeria, coconut, orchids, and pad thai. She turned that direction and walked out onto a veranda that overlooked a sunken courtyard. The area was like an exotic setting in a movie. Flowers in bright pots opened up to the early morning light. In the center of the courtyard, large copper dragons overlooked a small lawn where red and yellow birds hopped. Somebody hummed a soft tune. The wind stirred again, promising a balmy and perfect day.
She took it all in, trying to summon gratitude for the splendor around her, for the very fact she was alive. But she couldn’t change her emotional forecast. The radar clearly showed mortified with a ninety percent chance of forever heartbroken.
Again not knowing where to turn, she opted for the breezeway to the right. Her luck continued its snarky trend when she came across a couple sitting together on a stone bench in a pretty alcove, though they may as well have been on the moon for all they noticed their surroundings. The bubble of new attraction glowed around them like shooting stars on full strength. Like she couldn’t have her nose shoved more into the shit of things with Garrett, she couldn’t help noticing the man was roughly the size of Half Dome, and the woman’s hair was the color of a late-summer sunset.
Hell. Zeke and Rayna.
“Shit,” Sage whispered. “Sorry.”
“Sage? Hey, wait!” Rayna’s voice echoed along the tiles with a mix of surprise and concern. “Sweetie, what’re you doing?” Her friend stopped when she caught up. “Holy crap. Honey, what happened?”
“Nothing. Sorry I interrupted. I’ll just…”
Her resolve melted as soon as Rayna put an arm around her shoulder. She turned into the only person who really knew her now. Finally, the tears of frustration and anger flowed all over again.
Chapter Five
“Where the hell have you been?”
Garrett leveled the question at Zeke after turning a corner outside the cafeteria and nearly colliding with the guy. His friend’s gaze showed more copper than green right now, which meant Z was royally irked about something. Fucking great. Garrett sure as hell wasn’t thinking clearly, and when that happened, he could usually count on his friend to do the job for them both.
“Well,” Zeke grumbled, “now that you’ve taken the words out of my mouth…”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Zeke swung a nervous glance around the corridor. The regular embassy workers were starting to arrive for work, bustling into the cafeteria for their morning coffee and conversation, jostling too close for comfort. His friend gripped his shoulder and dragged him out the door. Once they were there, Z’s irritation flared across the rest of his face.
“It means that I was playing out the we’re-the-besties bonding bit with Rayna, and it was rolling toward all systems go when your fiancée busted in. Two seconds later, the waterworks started like she’d watched The Notebook ten times.”
Garrett’s gut coiled. “Shit.”
What had he expected? That Sage would just roll over and go to sleep after he left? That she’d be fine about getting naked and hot and bothered before he spouted lines so tortured they’d be cut footage from the sappy film Z had invoked?
“‘Shit’ is right,” his friend snapped. “What the hell’s going on?”
He jammed his toe at the ground. Answering that wasn’t an option right now. You didn’t explain umpteen kinds of fucked up during an early morning stroll, even if the listening ear belonged to your best friend. In this case, especially because of that. Zeke was the unspoken leader of the squad’s Whips and Chains society. The honor was perfect for his friend, who’d gotten his first tattoo at ten and collared his first submissive at twenty. No way was Z remotely ready to understand why Garrett struggled with this crap, nor was Garrett inclined to share that entire story.
Not that he didn’t think about it. Way more often than he should.