He shook his head. “Don’t get your hopes up until we get there.”
I wouldn’t budge. Those coordinates had been planted in Ruby’s apartment for a reason. They would lead me to her…and to something more. I was sure of it.
“You need to get some sleep, mon,” Raj said, interrupting my thoughts. “You won’t be any good without it.”
“I can’t.”
“Listen to me. Go to your cabin. Try. You won’t be any good to anyone if you’re not well rested.”
As he finished his sentence, a great yawn split my face.
“See what I mean?” Raj said.
“Fine. I’ll go. But I won’t sleep.” I headed down to my cabin and slid the key card through the slot.
I collapsed on my bed and closed my eyes.
Ruby, I said in my mind. Ruby, please be there when I get there. Please help me find you. I love you. I need you.
I’m here. I’m right here, Ryan.
I jerked my eyes open.
I’d actually heard her voice!
I stood abruptly and started pacing around the cabin. Of course it hadn’t been her. I was just exhausted, overwhelmed with fatigue. I lay down again and closed my eyes. I had to get some rest. Raj was right about one thing. I’d be no good to Ruby without some sleep.
* * *
“He’s beautiful, Brad.”
I was lying in bed. I shared a room with Talon. Our house was big. Bigger than any of my friends’ homes. But I liked sharing a room with Talon. I liked hearing him breathe.
I opened my eyes and found a woman staring down at me. I’d seen her before. She was a friend of the family. She did stories on TV. I couldn’t remember her name, but she was pretty. She had brown hair—lighter than my mother’s—and blue eyes.
“Go back to sleep, buddy.”
My father’s voice. Deep and stern. That was Daddy. I always obeyed him. So I shut my eyes.
“I want so much to hold him,” the woman said in a whisper.
“You can’t,” my father whispered back.
“Please, Brad. Just once. I haven’t held him since—”
The whispers stopped suddenly, and footsteps faded away until I heard my door close quietly.
I opened my eyes and sat up in bed. Then I got up and walked to my door, placing my ear against the wood.
Nothing.
Then, “I’m his mother!”
Weeping. My mother cried a lot. But not like this. My mother’s sobs were big and bountiful. These sobs were soft and weak.
More whispers…my father’s stern whispers. I pushed my ear into the door, but I couldn’t understand his words. I heard only hissing, like two snakes talking. Then one word.
Bigger sobs. “You promised!”
“She’s my wife, Wendy.”
Wendy. Yes, that was her name. The lady who did stories on TV and newspapers.
“Never. I’ll never believe that. You’ll pay for this, Brad. I swear to God you’ll pay.”
* * *
I jerked up in bed. Damn! I’d fallen asleep. And I’d been dreaming. It had the feeling of a long-lost memory. Had my mother come to see me when I was a little boy? Just that time, or were there others? As much as I never wanted to see the bitch again, I had so many unanswered questions. I also had no way of guaranteeing she would be truthful with me.
I closed my eyes and concentrated, and the vision came back to me in muted colors. It had been dark in my room, and I hadn’t opened my eyes until they’d left. I’d looked toward Talon and found him sleeping soundly. Then I’d gotten up, gone to the door, and listened.
Remember, Ryan. Remember.
The whispers. One word. One word…
Then it whooshed into my head as if it had always been there. Pregnant.
That was when my father had told Wendy that my other mother, Daphne Steel, was pregnant. Pregnant with what would become our baby sister, Marjorie.
Chills coursed through me. Daphne’s pregnancy had been the reason Wendy had Talon abducted and tortured. Starved and beaten. Raped.
To punish my father for sleeping with his wife and getting her pregnant.
She’d admitted it to me the last time I saw her.
Repugnance swept up my throat. This wasn’t new information, but every time it crossed my mind, it was still just as difficult to digest.
How could I come to terms with this? Having a mother who was such a cold-hearted bitch?
I pulled on a T-shirt and jeans and went up on deck.
“You’re supposed to be sleeping,” Talon said when he saw me.
“I thought Raj was keeping watch.”
“He was, but I couldn’t sleep. I told him to get lost.”
“You did?”
“Not in those exact words. But I wanted to be alone.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“No, you’re fine. I just didn’t want to be with him, and I didn’t want to sleep, so I told him to go to bed for a few hours. What are you doing up?”
“I had a weird dream. Or rather, a flashback. I think.”
“I’m the king of flashbacks. You want to tell me about it?”
I quickly explained, stumbling over some of the words. Though Talon swore he didn’t blame me for my mother’s part in his horror, I still felt terrible about all of it. But it wouldn’t do either of us any good for me to continue apologizing. He’d just have to continue saying it was okay.
“I feel like there’s something I’m missing,” I said. “Like there’s more to the memory, but I can’t quite access it.”
“You were a kid. It’s funny. We keep some memories and can recall them in living color like it was yesterday, and others…” Talon sighed.
I knew what he was thinking. He’d worked hard for many hours with Melanie to recall some of the things he’d forced far into his subconscious.
“Is it painful?” I asked. “I mean…you know. Remembering.”
“I doubt you have anything too painful to remember.”
A knife cut into my heart. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know you didn’t, and I shouldn’t have said that,” Talon said. “I’m sorry. I know you’re battling your own demons. I don’t mean to minimize them.”
“They’re nothing compared to yours.” I meant those words with all my heart.
“So you want to know if you can access the rest of that memory. I get it. Melanie can help you.”
“Melanie’s not here. I need you to help me.”
Talon twisted his lips. “Are you crazy? I’m not qualified to do that.”
“Just do what Melanie did with you.”
He shook his head. “It’s not that simple. She has training in guided hypnosis. She knew how to bring me out if it got too tough. I wouldn’t be able to do any of that.”
“Please, Tal.”
He shook his head again. “I won’t. I won’t risk hurting you. Not ever.” The look in his eyes was pained.
It was enough for me to stop this inquiry. “All right. I understand.”
“When we get back, talk to Melanie. She’ll be able to help you.”
I had no doubt he was right. Problem was, Melanie wasn’t here, and I had the distinct feeling that I needed to access this memory now.
Before we got where we were going.
Chapter Ten
Ruby
I’d heard that song before. Simpson and my father had said something similar to Jonah when Wendy Madigan had kidnapped him. That his father owed them something. Then it had been my uncle, Rodney Cates, who had told us that Brad Steel had been the future lawmakers club’s financial backer.
Interestingly, the last time I’d talked to him, Rodney had also told me that Brad Steel was the one person my father had trusted.
I doubted Theodore Mathias felt that way now.
“What exactly does Brad Steel owe you?” I asked.
“None of your business. The less you know the better. Trust me.”
“Trust you?” I shook my head vehemently. “Not going to happen in this lifetime, Pops.”
A knock sounded on the door.
“Come in,” my father said.
Another black-masked goon entered with a covered tray. “Best I could come up with on short notice.” He set the tray on the desk.
“Thank you. Now leave,” my father said.
The man walked out, shutting the door behind him.
I inhaled. Smelled like chicken. Not roasted chicken or anything, but the fake kind that came with ramen noodles. My stomach gurgled.
My father uncovered the tray. “I thought you might like some better food.”