Oh, Jesus, I thought, studying the statue. Oh, God. That’s right—Indianapolis. Indiana. It was here. This is where they killed the poor bastard.
“This spot right here is the exact center of the state,” Officer Cook was saying, talking over his shoulder as we crossed the circle and approached the man on his high marble pedestal. “Indy is smack dab in the middle of Indiana, see, and Monument Circle’s the center of the city, and the statue of Old Abe—you get the idea. Plus, of course, the state’s in the middle of nowhere. So there you have it: right now we’re in the exact geographical middle of fucking nowhere.”
Cook walked briskly up the steps, and I trotted up behind him. Pathetic, desperate little Jim Dirkson, scrabbling and shifting, trailing after tall, striding, confident Officer Willie Cook. He’d told me that Barton would never get it, because Barton’s white, but I knew that Cook would never get it, either. A northern man, a black man who had never been a slave—we were like creatures of a different species. I was as different from him as I was from Barton or from Bridge because of what I had seen, because of what moved still beneath my skin.
As I thought about it, it came up again, heaving up, and I felt my hand rushing up to my mouth to clamp it shut, keep everything back. The old loud sounds and the stink that always clouded my nostrils, sounds that only I could hear. All I wanted was silence, so I could listen to this cocky young officer and gather up the details he was dropping like fruit from a tree. All I wanted was silence. Silence to do my work. What the slave wants but can never have is not only freedom from the chains but also from their memory.
We got to the top of the steps, Cook and me. We stood beside each other looking across the traffic circle at the surrounding storefronts: a sandwich shop, a big pretty Presbyterian church, the entrance to the symphony hall. A couple of friends walked into the Starbucks, a black girl and a white girl, both of them in nurse’s scrubs, their arms linked together, giggling.
The first-thing sun was wavering and uneasy behind a thick bank of clouds. Glimmers of blue making a faint effort around it. I felt the sour acid of anticipation in my gut. I felt the cool mist of rain on my face.
“Be a few minutes,” said Willie Cook. He tugged out a fresh piece of gum, leaned back on the base of the statue, stuck the dead wad into the foil. A former smoker; traces of old habits in the new.
Running around the base of the obelisk was a series of bas-reliefs, starting with Lincoln in knee pants, splitting rails.
I wandered slowly around, tracing the lines with my fingers. I remembered it dimly, all the history I had crammed into my head during my wilderness years, my time in Chicago learning to be human, memorizing the world. It was all here, illustrated in stone, the whole story of Old Abe’s assassination—the martyrdom that saved the union, the murder that remade the country. Here he was, hands raised in humble farewell to the adoring crowd around his train car, the president-elect leaving Springfield for Washington. Here he was on a hotel balcony, eyes wide as he fell backwards from the fatal shot into the arms of his son Robert. Here was Lincoln with a halo, the good angel hovering over the hastily reconvened Congress. Even the members who had thrown down their commissions, who had resigned and stomped off to form the Confederacy in the preceding months—they had returned, moved by the death of a president, wary but willing, ready to start anew.
They had found a speech in his pocket, sticky with blood, the address he had planned to give that fateful morning, February 12, before the pistol shot laid him low. Secretary Seward read it aloud to Congress, and they wept—even the Confederates wept—when Seward got to the words I traced now with my forefinger, words chiseled into the stone at the base of the statue. I HOPE THAT WE MAY MEET AGAIN UNDER ONE FLAG OF UNION.
What emerged from that fraught session of Congress, in the spring of 1861, was a revised version of Senator Crittenden’s complicated compromise, one of the last-ditch failed union-saving efforts from the year before, seen in fresh light and taken up with fresh energy, while the new Confederate government was suspended, then abandoned.
Six amendments and four resolutions, preserving slavery where it was, preventing its extension elsewhere; balancing northern sentiment and southern interest, northern principles and southern economic welfare. And the clincher, inscribed here in marble as it is inscribed in the Constitution: the Eighteenth Amendment, making the whole rest of them permanent and everlasting. Eternal compromise. The great legislative Hail Mary: No future amendment of the Constitution shall affect the five preceding articles…