“I’ve been wanting to visit this place,” Freddie says, holding the door open to a small boutique. “Don’t worry, this won’t take long.”
I walk inside and step over to a round table holding a rainbow of assorted silk neckties as Freddie goes to the display of topcoats. Everything in the shop is outrageously priced, and I glance up as a man steps up beside Freddie to return a coat to the rack.
My heart stops when I realize who it is.
“I’m sorry,” Mark says. “I’m just returning this one.”
I stare wide-eyed at him. Again, he looks amazing in a tweed jacket and dark brown pants. At his neck is a yellow tie, and his eyes glow when he turns them on me.
I swirl around, facing the street through the front window, my heart racing. An image of him smiling and catching my neck for a kiss as I trot onto the stage twists an ache of longing in the center of my chest.
“I was considering this one,” Freddie says, not even recognizing Mark. My back is still turned when he calls to me, and I fight for control. “Darling, I need your opinion. Is it all wrong for me?”
“Just a moment,” I say in an uneven voice as I press my palm into my stomach trying to slow my breathing. I can’t let Freddie see me so shaken.
After a few moments, I’m calm. Thankfully Mark has his back to us and appears to be searching through the ties. Freddie smiles, a red tie tossed over his shoulder.
I clear my throat. “It’s very nice.”
His eyes narrow. “You seem distracted. I’m not sure I believe you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, wishing with all my heart Mark wasn’t standing here, hearing my words. “You look great. Red is a power tie, yes?”
At that Mark turns, and I can’t avoid his gaze. I’m sure the struggle is plain on my face. Freddie is completely unaware as he looks through the shirts. Mark makes his way down the aisle to where I wait.
“See anything you like?” His voice is low, but I shake my head.
“Only what I can’t afford.”
He runs the back of his finger across my hand. “You can’t?”
His touch would’ve been imperceptible if not for my reaction. My hand quickly turns, and our fingers lace. Familiar warmth floods my chest, but he continues past me, his hand slipping away as quickly as it appeared.
“Do you see anything you like?” Freddie asks, joining me.
“I’m not very good at shopping,” I mutter, cheeks flushed.
He pats my shoulder. “We’ll take care of that situation.”
I might collapse from the tension. I wait as he heads to the register to pay, lingering at the front window as Mark finishes ahead of him and heads for the door. Without a word he leaves, and all the light leaves with him.
Freddie and I leave the shop, walking slowly back to the theater. I’d made up another rehearsal excuse, and I look up at the darkening sky, thinking about the birthday gathering Roland has planned for me. I wonder who might attend, whether Roland will invite Mark, whether Mark will come.
Freddie and I exchange a brief goodbye, and I step into the lobby. My thoughts drift to the rooftop. Has anything changed? Has everything changed? It won’t be long until I know.
16
“She walks like rain…”
Lara
As inexplicably as he’d started, Gavin stopped coming to rehearsals, and the mood in the company relaxed.
After crying myself to sleep last night, I don’t see Mark at all the next day. Still, I can’t allow myself to care. I can’t allow myself to be distracted anymore. My plan has suddenly become urgent.
The pain is almost too much after our weeks of bliss, but I press all those emotions into a tight little pill that I force myself to swallow and be done with.
It’s for the best. It was never real, and it could never be real. Mark can’t take care of us, and if I keep traveling further down that road, I’ll never be able to come back. Not to mention I’ll ruin mine and Molly’s only hope of a better life, our security with Freddie.
My heart thuds in my chest Thursday night as I go to the ladder for my finale climb. Mark is waiting at the top, and I try to calm my breathing when our eyes meet, when I see the red in his and know his heart is breaking as painfully as mine.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and tears flood my eyes.
Oh, God, I can’t cry. I have to sing.
I go to the bench without answering.
“I wasn’t here for you. I said I would always be here and I wasn’t. I know that made you feel alone and insecure. I understand that.” The tone in his voice is ripping my heart into tiny shreds, but I can’t look at him.
He touches my arm when I take my seat. My back is to him, but I don’t move away. He fastens the harness, still speaking softly. “I’m sorry I made you afraid, but I meant what I said to you. I’m still working on our plan.”
I inhale with a jerk, fighting my sobs as I take in the shape of his mouth, his straight nose, his blue eyes. I shake my head and look down again.
“It’s too late. I have to go with Freddie. We have to leave this place now.”
He touches my chin and lifts my face. Then he leans forward, lightly kissing my lips and sending aching warmth through my veins. “Talk to me first.”
The music rises, and the bench moves. I swing out over the waiting spectators, but when I look back his eyes hold mine, his hands hold the rope, and my heart stays in the heavens with him.
I descend slowly to the stage in a swirl of red and black velvet, singing the words to the “Illusion” finale. The lyrics tell the story of a man so enchanted by a dark angel, he gives up everything, including his life, all for something that will only destroy him.
The words feel prophetic as I sing them, strutting in the lights, sparkling every time I turn until I take my final spin and end with my arms raised over my head in a V, my head turned to the side. Breasts high, nipples tight, my eyes close in my nightly expression of rapture, surrounded by a male fantasy of barely clothed, beautiful women.
We remain frozen on our marks until the heavy curtain falls, sending a swirl of musty velvet all around us. It never changes.
Through the darkness in the wings, I take Molly’s hand. It’s almost like she’s still innocent and bad things haven’t begun creeping in on us, closer with each passing day. How many days until Guy returns? Until he comes for what he’s promised?
“Does Freddie know about your birthday?” she asks once we were in the dressing room.
“No,” I sigh, trying to dispel any lingering feelings for Mark as I remove my wings and reach for my dressing gown. I have just enough time to peel off my false eyelashes before the tapping starts. I go to the door, but this time, there are no roses.
“Darling,” Freddie catches my waist and pulls me to him. He kisses me without warning, pushing my lips apart and sweeping his tongue into my mouth.
Molly lets out a surprised squeak, and I’m almost speechless. “Freddie!” He’s never been so bold.