“Wheels,” he said, sighing. “Look at me.”
Her big brown eyes lifted, full of riotous emotions that Preacher wasn’t going to begin to guess at.
“Whatever bullshit you got goin’ on inside that head of yours, it better not be because of me. I ain’t mad. You don’t gotta fuck me. Hell, you don’t even gotta talk to me and I’ll still get you to the city. A promise is a promise.”
“What about you?” she asked.
“What about me?”
“After you get me to the city. Are you going to stay… or are you going back on the road?”
Preacher studied her. “You tryin’ to ask me something specific?”
She stared at him a moment, then shrugged. “Just wondering.”
It was too flippant a tone, too cavalier a gesture to be anything other than a lie. And Preacher wondered if that’s why she’d stopped him. It made sense—why would a good girl like her want to sleep with an asshole like him, especially if he was just going to cut and run in a few days?
“I don’t know.” He rubbed his neck. “I got some shit goin’ on with my dad.”
“I know, but… why don’t you just talk to him?”
Preacher snorted. The idea that The Judge would be willing to hear anything Preacher had to say was a pipe dream at best. His old man was wired wrong. He couldn’t actually listen to anything anyone said. He was built to give orders, nothing more.
“That ain’t gonna happen.”
“Why not?”
“Because if it doesn’t have somethin’ to do with him or the club, he doesn’t give a shit. He was in the Marines and the Navy, Wheels. He thinks he’s the biggest, baddest thing out there. He thinks he’s seen and done it all, and only he knows best. And he thinks we’re all his goddamn soldiers. He can’t handle anyone questionin’ him. He can’t handle anything but blind fuckin’ obedience.” Preacher shook his head. “I used to look up to him. I used to want to be just like him. But now… ” He trailed off, unsure of what to say, unsure of what he wanted.
“So what, then? You’re just never going home again?”
He didn’t answer her right away. He’d been asking himself the same question every day for months now and had yet to come up with anything even resembling an answer.
“I don’t fit there anymore,” he eventually said. “That’s his world, not mine.”
The statement was true. The Judge had always liked flat surfaces and straight, even lines. He liked all his soldiers lined up in a row, ready to salute. And Preacher didn’t have straight lines anymore. He’d never had straight lines, but now… he was all over the place—a mess of jagged edges and incoherent scribbles.
“You’re so lucky,” she whispered, and Preacher was startled to find tears shining in her eyes. “You’re so stupid, too. You don’t even realize how lucky you are. You have this huge family, all these people, and they all love you.” Shaking her head, she gestured passionately with her hands. “They love you so much that they’re angry with you for taking off. And they’re so happy you’re back, and you’re just going to leave them again because you’re scared of your dad—”
“I ain’t scared of him,” Preacher interjected. “That cranky old bastard—”
“Wants you around!” Debbie snapped. A tear slipped free from the corner of her eye, glinting in the moonlight.
“You’re so stupid,” she continued, her voice cracking. “You’re so lucky and you don’t even realize it. I wish every day I had a family like yours.”
Preacher stared at her, feeling a little bewildered, and ten times the asshole he’d previously thought himself to be.
“Jesus, Wheels, come here.” He held out his arm to her, and she quickly tucked herself against him. She folded her knees to her chest, and he slid his arm around her back. Neither of them spoke for a long while, and he found himself marveling at how perfectly she fit beside him.
“I don’t want you to disappear.”
He glanced down to find Debbie’s eyes on him—big, expressive eyes like vacuums, sucking all thoughts straight from him. Those eyes. That mouth. That vulnerable look on her face that made him want to tuck her inside his jacket and shield her from the world.
She was definitely a problem he wasn’t accustomed to dealing with. On the one hand, he wanted to fuck her, and on the other, he wanted to save her. Were both possible? Or was one going to cancel out the other?
Cupping Debbie’s cheek, Preacher ran the pad of his thumb over her lips. She stared up at him in a way that made him think that when his mother had told him Debbie was halfway in love with him, she hadn’t been exaggerating.
It was a responsibility he wasn’t quite sure he wanted and made him feel more than just a little uneasy. He could hardly fend for himself these days, let alone someone else.
But even as he thought it, it wasn’t enough of a concern to deter his baser wants or to distract from the way he felt when he looked at her.
“Who are you?” he muttered. Then he kissed her, not bothering to wait for an answer.
If she didn’t want to fuck, they didn’t have to fuck. But Preacher still wanted his hands on her—blue balls be damned.
Chapter 22
The Four Points farmers’ market was small but plentiful, with rows of tables piled high with baskets full of seasonal fruits and vegetables—apples, peaches, and raspberries, as well as corn, beans, beets, and more. The veritable rainbow of colors reminded Debbie of the local farmers’ market back home—a much larger market that had been open all year round. She’d wasted entire days wandering the market, happily lost among the feast of colors and smells.
And today was no different. Debbie strolled through the aisles, breathing in the crisp, fresh scents, returning the smiles of the men and women selling them. She took extra inhales when she came across a table laden with sugary baked goods and large loaves of fresh bread.
A short ways down the aisle, Debbie paused beside a table covered in short stacks of used books and ran a finger over a coverless copy of Anna Karenina, the book stained and torn. She found herself unexpectedly frowning—a frown that had nothing to do with the tragic love story beneath her fingertips and everything to do with Preacher.
Last night had been… confusing at first. They’d been kissing, and that had felt amazing. And Preacher had been touching her, and she’d been touching him, and that had also felt amazing.
But then something unexpected had happened. Something ugly had wormed its way inside her happy haze. Only this time it hadn’t been her past to darken her thoughts and fill her with unease. It had been her future.
Debbie hadn’t ever factored someone like Preacher into her life. She especially hadn’t considered all the feelings that had come with him. Turbulent, foreign feelings. Excitement and panic, sometimes to the point of fear. She felt as if her world had been rocked and then set on fire, but instead of burning her, the flames licking up and down her skin had left her soft and warm and utterly consumed.