Her hands stilled on his. “We had to learn more about Sabine. Had to know her plan and who she was. Had to know if she had any weaknesses. Xavier, Max, and I tracked her to another town and a house there. I was going to try to get into the house with her, but I didn’t think I could do it without being caught. And I couldn’t get caught,” she grated through her teeth.
His hands clamped on hers at the possibility of such a thing. She wouldn’t be here now if she’d been caught. She wouldn’t be in his arms again, and the clawing sensation would still be tearing at his insides, driving him mad. Now, finally, it had been silenced by the renewal of their bloodlink.
“So instead of trying to get into the house, we lured away the vampire who worked in her stables there.” She rolled over to look up at him; her haunted eyes searched his face. “What I allowed them to do to that vampire was cruel. It was brutal…” Her words trailed off as her gaze slid passed him to the ceiling.
“You watched this.”
Her eyes were defiant when they came back to his. “I couldn’t condone it then walk away and leave them to bear the burden of carrying it out. I would never do that to Xavier and Max.”
Despite her show of defiance, he sensed the sorrow within her. “We do what we must in war,” he told her.
“I’d do it again.”
He traced his finger over her lips before kissing where he’d touched. “What did you learn from the vampire?”
She told him everything they had learned, the amount of recruiting they’d been able to do, and the plan to move in on Sabine in the next couple of days. He’d always been proud of her, always admired her strength and determination, but as he listened to her now, he realized she truly had grown to become a queen. A leader who did what was necessary despite her anguish, her struggle to keep from going insane, and her reservations about certain things that had to be done in order to protect her people.
He, personally, would have done to the vampire the same things she revealed Xavier and Max had done to him in order to learn more. “I tried to warn the palace about Sabine. I can only hope someone received one of the messages we sent them,” she said.
“I’m sure someone did,” he replied. He gently grasped her chin. “I’ve never been prouder to call you my wife, never been happier to have you as my queen. You are my everything, Arianna.”
“Even with knowing what I allowed Xavier and Max to do?” she whispered.
“You are fierce, loyal, proud, and do what is necessary to protect those you love and our followers. You’re more than I ever could have hoped for in my life.”
She rested her hand against his cheek. “She had your head, Braith. Or at least I thought it was your head, and I’m sure those in the palace believed the same thing.”
“Someone else’s head, someone who looked like me.”
“When she lifted it…” Aria broke off when her voice hitched. “Until then, I’d been trying not to, but I’d secretly hoped you would come back to me. That somehow you would find a way. When she revealed the head, it all fell apart. I fell apart. It was worse than when I felt the severing of our bond.”
She rested her hand over her heart. “Then, I tried to tear my heart from my chest. When she held up what I thought was your head, I thought I would go insane. All I wanted was to die. Then all I wanted was to kill, and I didn’t care who I killed in order to make it all just stop, if only for a second. I wasn’t sure I could make it back from that madness or control myself. I didn’t know how to at first, but I knew the others still deserved happiness and peace and I had to get it for them. It’s the only thing that has kept me going since then.”
His fangs slid free at the image of her consumed by a suffering so extreme that all she wanted was to destroy herself by tearing her heart from her chest. “I know the disconnect you felt, the emptiness. I felt it too when I first woke to find you gone.”
“I had to go! I couldn’t stay in that cave no matter how much I didn’t want to leave you!”
He grasped her chin. “I know. I didn’t mean gone from there. I meant from inside of me. You were no longer within me. Our bond no longer existed. I would have destroyed everyone around me if Max hadn’t told me you were safe. I did destroy some of Sabine’s vampires in the forest when we came across them on our way here. What I did to them was something that should never have been done to another. I was out of control. I craved their blood and relished killing them. I didn’t think I’d ever come back from the bloodlust engulfing me while I tore them apart.”
Her head tilted back so she could gaze at him. He’d half expected to see fear or condemnation in her eyes, but he saw only love and understanding there. “And now what do you think?”
“Now, I can think again. The insanity has been eased, the emptiness filled with the renewal of our bloodlink. We will defeat Sabine, but I will be in control when it happens. I won’t be a monster again, not like that.”
“You’re not a monster.”