“It’s okay,” said Jamie. “Let’s go.”
They went back to the car and drove to the Ridgewood Mall without speaking, Kylie staring out the window, Bailey reading her school workbook. Jamie glanced at both of them and thought they looked nice. Bailey in a pink princess dress, Kylie in a black dress with a purple flower print and the sweetheart neckline that was a little too old for her, Jamie thought, but since it was a hand-me-down from her cousin, she could not complain. They are both so big, she thought, which makes me so old.
The parking lot was surprisingly not crowded, the first three or four rows of the grid full but that was it. God bless Spring Fest, Jamie thought.
“So what does Arianna want?”
“Aren’t we coming in?” said Kylie, shocked.
“No way. I’m going in and out.”
“Come on. That’s so unfair!” they both said.
“Deal with it,” said Jamie. “What does she like?”
Kylie sighed. “She wants a sleeping bag.”
“I’m not buying her a sleeping bag. Does she like jewelry?”
Kylie nodded.
“Great. I’ll get her some bracelets.”
Jamie looked through her purse for her phone and her wallet, left the key in the ignition so the heat would stay on.
“Can we at least listen to music?” said Kylie.
“Yes, you can. I’ll be back in five minutes.”
Jamie got out and was about to slam the door when Bailey said, “Mom?”
“What?”
She looked up from her book and said, “Do you know you call a group of lions a pride, not a pack?”
Jamie stared at her, then at Kylie, who rolled her eyes.
“No, baby, I didn’t know that.”
She shut the door and left them.
Into the calm, controlled air of Kmart, pop music from ten years ago in her ears, she forced herself to stay focused. If she didn’t have a list, she had trouble concentrating in big box stores, got distracted by displays and sales. That was the point, wasn’t it, she thought, to turn you into a kid again who sees something shiny and wants it. When the girls were with her, a ten-minute trip turned into thirty minutes easily, everyone leaving with candy and gum and a tank top.
Jamie went to the toy aisles, skimmed over the bright boxes and tubes and balls to the girls section, Make-Your-Own-Headband, Home Manicure Kit, Bead-a-Necklace—she picked that one up; it was $9.99. You got lucky today, Arianna.
She made her way to the cards and wrapping paper, grabbed a pink gift bag with tissue paper already lined inside and a white card dangling from the handle.
Then on her way to the checkout she stopped when she saw a sheer cowl-necked sweater on a sale rack. The tag read $21.99. Nope.
At the register, she checked her phone (11:55). Oh who cares, she thought. It doesn’t matter if you’re late to this kind of thing; it’s an open house. Suddenly she felt relaxed, realized her hands were in fists, holding the strings of the gift bag hostage in her fingers. The day opened up in front of her. The party would eat up a couple of hours, then maybe they’d stop by her parents’ place, then she could pick up McDonald’s for dinner, and then they could waste time until Darrell came over and she could send them to her room and let them watch TV in her bed.
It didn’t seem that bad when she thought of it that way. Just some hours to fill.
She paid, picked up her bag, and left. Into the parking lot, back to her car, she sped up. Confused at first, she thought, This is my car. Checked the dent in the fender, the plate. No girls.
I’m going to kill them, she thought, took a breath too quickly and coughed, started talking to them in her head. Don’t even tell me you can’t tie it in a knot till we get to the fucking party, Bailey. Or you, was this your idea? she thought, picturing Kylie’s face. You and your sweet tooth, looking for free samples.
Jamie looked around at the stores: Reno’s Coffee, Morgan Housewares, StoneField Ice Cream. She ran to the latter, coughing like she was a smoker, entered through the doors. It was quiet and cold inside. A woman and two little boys and a baby in a car seat sat in a booth. The girl behind the counter had a ring in her lip.
“You see two girls come in here?” said Jamie.
“Yeah, they were just in here.”
For a second they stared at each other.
“So where are they?” said Jamie.
Lip Ring shrugged.
“How should I know? They left a few minutes ago.”
Jamie could feel the blood rush in her chest. She started to leave, then turned back and said, “Lemme ask you something: How the fuck do you eat with that thing in your face?”
She left and slammed the door before she could hear the answer.
Then Reno’s Coffee—a couple, a man post-workout, everyone on his phone.
“Did you see two girls in party dresses?” she asked the people behind the counter. “Eight and ten years old. Did they come in to use the bathroom?” Then to the couple and the man: “Did you see two girls?”
They all said no.
She left, looked back at her car, still empty.
Then Morgan Housewares, Global Market, Eastern Sports. By the time she got back to Kmart it was 12:11, and the fear had become a rock in her throat.
“I can’t find my girls,” she said to the security guard. She put her hand to her lips after she said it, like she was trying to get the words back.
“Did you lose them in the store, ma’am?” he said. His double chin was strangled by his uniform shirt.
“No, they were in the car. I was in here. Now they’re gone.”
“We can page them in the store,” he said.
“They’re not in the store. I was in the store.”
“Maybe they came in to look for you,” he said.
“Yeah, okay. Yes, please, page them.”
She was standing in Customer Service with Geri the Customer Service Liaison and two other security guards when she heard the guard with the double chin’s voice say her daughters’ names: “Kylie Brandt, Bailey Brandt, please come to the Customer Service Center.”
Jamie watched people emerge from the aisles, calm, bored. It was not their daughters’ names in the air.
“You have bathrooms? Where are the bathrooms?” she said.
Geri pointed to the left.
“You can hear the loudspeaker in there too,” she said. Jamie couldn’t even see this woman; her face was a smudge with dull gray spots in the middle.
Jamie ran now through the white aisles, hearing the sound of her own wheezing and rationalizations as she talked to herself, “She had to pee, Bailey had to pee. Maybe one of them got sick from that Reese’s.”
She threw herself onto the door and into the bathroom, knocked on and pushed open every stall. A woman with a walker and a younger woman stood at the sinks.
“Did you see two girls? I can’t find my girls.”
The woman with the walker appeared not to understand. The younger woman said, “No, what did they look like?”