There was something soothing about the sound of the windshield wipers. The hazy way the streetlights looked through the raindrops.
“Yes, I did.” It had taken me a while to get comfortable with the ladies’ interest in me as Joe’s latest paramour. And of course they cared about Joe. Also, they were women so they wanted the nitty-gritty. I gave it to them, up to a point. We had a few more drinks, a couple of slices of pizza, and a pleasant time was had by all. Including me, surprisingly enough. Sharing yourself with people, the right people, felt good. To make new friends also felt good. Maybe there was something to this saying-yes business after all.
“They were nice.”
“Good.” He smiled.
“Actually they were better than nice,” I continued. “They were cool as hell.”
A pause.
“I said I’d tell you about my issue with bathrooms.” Fingers fidgeted in my lap. Maybe this was my night for sharing, for getting it all out there. Miraculously enough, I’d shared with the women and lived to tell the tale. This was bigger, but it needed to get out of me. Courage would be required, but I’d already indulged in a little Dutch courage back at the party. It would have to be enough. “If you want to know.”
Side-eyes.
“It’s not pretty,” I warned. “I feel like I want to share it with you, though…”
“I’d like to know.”
I licked my lips, nodded. “Val and I have been tight since we were kids, you know that. I talked about it in my emails. She had a sex change after high school. It’s not my story to tell, so I don’t normally talk about it with others. But if I’m going to tell you about this…”
“Okay.”
“We went to a pretty conservative school. Queer kids were given a hard time. Way worse than any of the crap I copped for just being awkward and generally uncool.” I shoved my hands beneath my thighs to still them. “When Val was Vince, it was pretty obvious he was into guys. And why should he have to hide it, right?”
Back and forth went the windshield wipers.
“Anyway, some testosterone-fueled bastards decided to hurt him,” I said, keeping my voice nice and calm, trying to distance myself from the images inside my head. It didn’t work. “People can be so cruel, thoughtless. Clueless about consequences. Especially kids. They ganged up on him, beat him up in the boy’s bathroom.”
“Fuck,” muttered Joe.
“Black eye, busted lip, bruised ribs. He was a mess.”
His grip tightened on the wheel. “Assholes.”
“Yeah.” I gave him a ghost of a smile. Stupid. This was nothing to smile about. “Val’s parents were pretty useless, not really present. He got along better with mine. I convinced him to stay at my house that night, so I could look after him, try and cheer him up. We watched movies, ate popcorn, and kept putting ice on his face to keep the swelling down. Once my parents went to bed I raided their liquor cabinet, and we did a couple of shots each. Medicinal, you know?”
Joe just looked at me.
“Val seemed to be doing okay, as okay as someone who’d been through something as horrible as that could be. He said he was going to the bathroom. God, you should have seen the way he moved. It looked so painful. I’ve never wanted to kill anyone as much as I did those assholes.” For a moment, I just breathed. “Val had been gone awhile and I got worried. The bathroom door was closed but not locked.”
I turned to Joe, all of the same old thoughts and questions cluttering up my mind. “I figured maybe he was crying, needed some time to himself or something. But that wasn’t it. He was lying unconscious in the bath, blood everywhere. One wrist had been cut lengthwise, deep. But I guess he couldn’t quite manage the other. That’s what saved him. Well, that and the ambulance came quickly, fortunately. I just held his wrists together, screaming for Mom.”
“You saved him,” he said quietly.
Slowly, I shook my head. “It should never have happened, I should have known he was on the edge. Should have seen something.”
“How?” he asked. “You got mind-reading skills I don’t know about?”
I snorted. It was better than crying. “Anyway, we stayed at the hospital until they had him stabilized; then Mom made me go home. There was a lot of blood on me and it was all still in the bathroom too so I cleaned it. Didn’t seem right to leave that to my parents.”
“Christ.”
“Yeah, it sucked,” I said. “Never thought about it before, who deals with the blood? Apparently there are specialty cleaning companies who can help get it out of carpet and stuff. What a crappy job that must be. I hope they get paid really well.”
We pulled up outside the hotel and Joe turned off the engine. The sound of the rain pounded through the silence loud and clear.
“I’m sorry that happened to your friend,” he said. “And to you.”
“Thankfully, Valerie survived. She’s good now, happy. Has a boyfriend who thinks she’s Christmas.”
“And you?” he asked, reaching for my hand.
I pulled it out from under my leg, meshing his fingers with mine. “I’m learning not to hate people. It’s a gradual process.”
“Don’t think you hate them, I think you’re more scared of them.” He placed a kiss on the back of my hand, holding my skin against his lips. “After what happened, I can see why.”
Outside, the rain kept falling from the night sky. The world kept turning, regardless of people living or dying.
“That’s the story,” I said.
“Thank you for trusting me with it.”
“Did you still want to come inside?” I was not holding my breath. That would be stupid. And yet, after letting all of it out, the story of Val, I could really do with some company. Especially his.
Still holding my hand, he tucked a strand of hair back behind his ear, getting it out of his face. “Yes. But prepare yourself, there’s going to be a lot of cuddling tonight.”
“Ew.” I scrunched up my nose at him.
“I know, I know. But you’re going to have to be brave and put up with it.”
Quietly, I laughed. “I think I can do that.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Message sent two weeks ago:
ME: I’m having a shit-tastic time right now. Work stress, blah blah blah. Tell me something good.
HIM: I’ve been thinking about you all day, looking forward to hearing from you. Also, whatever it is stressing you out, you can handle it. You’re the most badass chick I know.
ME: Thank you. I needed that. xx
“Joe, I thought you said we were going to cuddle.”
“We are cuddling.” Calloused hands slid around my waist, his lips feeding me soft kisses. And I was hungry for them. So hungry.
“I’m pretty sure foreplay and cuddling are different,” I said.