Somehow, even though I don’t want there to be, there’s a message in this.
We are on opposite sides now. And maybe it’s always been this way? Maybe I just never noticed because I was so sure Adley was mine. That my claim on this relationship was pure and inevitable.
But Bric has changed everything. He was never invested before. He viewed Rochelle as someone to play with. Something temporary. I’m not stupid. I know he saw her as an opportunity. When Rochelle came home he probably thought it was the perfect way to get me back in his life. And it was. Here I am.
I don’t think that’s why he’s here anymore.
I don’t think he’s here for me. For our friendship.
I think he’s here for them.
“So, what do you know about allergies?”
“Yeah, that sucks, man,” Smith says. I called him up from work to get a second opinion. I know this is Bric territory, but Bric is the last guy I want to talk to. “Chella told me this morning. Rochelle called her.”
“Are you allergic to anything?” I ask.
“No. Why?”
“Because I’m not either. But Bric is. Says he’s allergic to mango. And they think…” I stop talking.
“They think? What?” Smith asks.
“I’m gonna be devastated, dude. They think Adley might be allergic to mango too. And that means…”
“Fuck,” he says. “Do they know that for sure?”
“No. We have an appointment with the allergist in two weeks. We tried to get in sooner, but they’re booked up and they say this isn’t urgent. Just don’t feed her anything new until we get it sorted. I guess they’re gonna prick her with needles and we’ll know for sure. God,” I say, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know how to feel about this.”
Smith is silent.
“How should I feel about this, Smith?”
“I dunno,” he says. “Does it matter? I mean, you guys look happy. Everything is working out the way you want it, right?”
“Yeah, but…”
“But?”
“But that was before, you know. When I was sure she was mine. If she’s not mine—I mean, I’m not leaving them over this. If it turns out Bric is the father. But… I think if we know for sure, it will change things.”
Silence.
“Are you there?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m here. Just thinking.”
“Well, you got any answers for me?”
“Just…” He sighs. “Just wait it out. See what happens. I mean, I don’t think she looks like Bric, you know? She doesn’t have his eyes. And she doesn’t have Rochelle’s eyes, either.”
“She does have my eyes, right?”
“Sure,” he says. But then there’s a bunch of yelling in the background that takes several seconds to die down. It gets silent again and he’s back. “I had to go outside. Goddamned gym rats. Think they know what’s up. Little fuckers.”
“What the hell is going on?”
“Listen, I gotta go. I’m at the gym with the kids, you know? I gotta kick their thug asses today. They got me good again last time, but third time’s the charm, right?”
I chuckle picturing Smith boxing with wild teen boys who think they own the world. “Right. I’m gonna laugh my ass off when you come over on Monday with a black eye.”
“Don’t say that. These kids are serious about kicking my ass. They have this pool going to see which one of them will knock me out first. I’m not as young as I used to be, man. Fucking teenagers.”
“All right then. You going to Chella and Bric’s tea room party tomorrow?”
He laughs.
“I’ll take that as a no.”
“Well, I’ll probably have to put in some kind of appearance. You know, be supportive and shit. Why are you going?”
“Yeah, Chella hit me up too. Rochelle is going. So… Sure. Why not.”
“OK, I gotta go take care of business. These punks are calling me maricón now. You know what that means?”
I just laugh.
“Never mind, asshole. Later.”
I hang up still smiling. Fucking Smith.
Robert knocks on my office door. “Hey,” he says.
“What’s up?” I ask, pulling myself out from my personal problems.
“You done for the day?”
“Yeah,” I say, looking at the papers on my desk. “Pretty much. Why?”
“You wanna take off early? Hit the bar? I’m done too.”
I check the time. It’s only two. And I’m about to say, Yeah, why not, when I get an idea. A sneaky idea. An innocent, perfect, sweet idea. “Nah,” I tell him. “I’m gonna go home early today.”
When I get home, Rochelle and Adley are sitting on the couch, half asleep. “What are you doing here?” Rochelle asks. But the question comes with a big, happy smile.
“I missed you,” I say, dropping my keys on the kitchen island. I walk over to the couch and sit down carefully. Adley’s eyes are heavy and she’s almost out. “How’s she feeling?”
“She’s fine, Quin. I really hope you don’t think this is your fault. Like Bric said, it was going to happen, no matter who actually fed her the food. And the rash is almost gone. It’s not going to be a big deal.”
Her neck is still a little bit red, but Rochelle is right. She’s fine.
It’s me who’s struggling.
“Let me put her in her crib and I’ll be right back, OK?”
“Sure,” I say. Rochelle gets up, shushing Adley as she walks down the hall to try to keep her asleep.
I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to lose Bric either, but I’m willing to give him up for them. I need this to work out in my favor. I really do. Because if it doesn’t… if it doesn’t, I see a really fucked-up life in my future. A future that validates all the preconceived notions I have about myself. A future that validates the reason I started playing this game with Bric and Smith in the first place.
It might ruin me.
I get up and walk towards Adley’s room, listening to Rochelle talking quietly to the baby. She’s a good mother. She’s the perfect girlfriend too. We have argued more recently than we did in the past, but we had big problems. We talked through them. We got over them. And yes, Bric was a big part of that. I’m gonna be thankful for his help, no matter what.
But they’re mine. He has to know that. He has to.
Rochelle walks to the door, slides them closed, and smiles at me. “What are you doing?” she asks, coming forward to press her head into my chest and wrap her arms around my middle.
“Thinking about how much I love you guys. What a great mom you are.”
She leans back so she can look up at my face. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“I can guess,” I say, wrapping my arms around her too.
“Now tell me why you really came home early.”