“You were a kid who needed her mom and didn’t deal with change too well.” Her arm slipped around my shoulders, drawing me in against her. “I’d say that’s pretty normal.”
“You shouldn’t have let me just break you up. And you shouldn’t have lied to me about seeing him again, either.”
“I chose to put you first and I do not regret that.”
Crap. A tear slipped over my cheek and I rubbed it away quickly with the palm of my hand. “Well, you should; you deserve a life too. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. And anyway, it all wound up perfectly fine.” She pressed a kiss to the top of my head, holding her hand out to let the ring sparkle in the light. “Right up until the part where I found you in bed with the local drug dealer. I put you first all those years ago because I wanted a good life for you. We were both working together for that. But now you’re throwing that all away. Even since—”
“That’s not who he is,” I cut her off. “He doesn’t do that anymore. Honest, Mom. He moved in with his uncle and he’s really trying hard at school. His uncle has this landscaping business and John works for him all the time. He’s a good person, I swear.” I sniffed, putting a lid on the weepies.
“No wonder your grades have been plummeting,” she said, deaf to my words.
“If anything, he keeps me on track.”
Her brow wrinkled in disbelief. “How?”
“Since the shooting, I just can’t seem to care about some things. Stuff like grades and schoolwork all seems so . . . I don’t know, irrelevant. But John’s not like that. He wants to achieve. He makes me study, helps me with math homework—”
“Climbs into bed with you . . .”
My lips sealed shut. Deep breaths. “Yes, I obviously like him in that way and he likes me. That’s kind of normal for people my age, you know?”
She swore under her breath.
“Come on, I was bound to discover sex and have a boyfriend eventually. It’s not like you didn’t party and have boyfriends when you were my age. You’ve told me you did.” Which reminded me. “Not that John and I are together. Exactly. Like that.”
“You’re a booty call for him?”
“No! No, I’m . . . I don’t know. We’re working it out.”
More muttered swearing. “Christ, kid. Out of all of the people in this town.”
“He’s the only one who gets me. Who knows what it was like, going through what happened that night,” I said. “And he’s the only one I know for sure would risk himself to keep me safe. Doesn’t that matter to you?”
“Edie, I know he saved your life and I’m grateful to him for that.” She stopped to take a breath and I dived right in again.
“Then give him a chance,” I said, looking her straight in the eyes. No hesitation. “He really is important to me, Mom. I’m not giving him up.”
“You will if I decide you’re not allowed to see him.”
“No.”
Her jaw tightened. “Look, your grandma would just love to have you go live with her.”
“I’m not moving to Arizona, either.”
“Edie—”
“I’m serious,” I ground out, anger and frustration making my blood boil.
“So am I.” Mom stopped speaking, exhaling hard.
“You don’t understand—he’s good for me, Mom. Talking to him, being with him, it’s a big part of what’s keeping me sane these days,” I said, trying to keep my voice even when what I really wanted to do was scream. “Much more than popping pills and seeing a shrink. You should be thanking him.”
“Wow, yeah,” she said. “Next time I find him in bed with my underage daughter I will definitely do that.”
“We weren’t even doing anything. Just sleeping, for God’s sake.”
“Kid, you didn’t even tell me you’d been in contact with him, let alone in some intense, possibly co-dependent situation.” She rose to her feet, slowly shaking her head. “Christ. I think we both need to calm down . . . talk about this later.”
“Just remember, you lied to me too.”
“I’m in my thirties; you’re not even eighteen!”
“But I will be soon.”
Mom shot me a dark look. “Get some sleep. We’ll talk about this later.”
Hell yes, we would.
Monday morning, John was waiting by my locker when I got to school. I’d texted him to say I was still amongst the living, but that I’d explain the terms of my parole in person. Just seeing him again made me feel better. The intensity of my feelings for him actually scared me, to be honest. And overriding all of that was the deeply embarrassing memory of Mom losing it at us yesterday morning.
How many females must he have slept with? Hypothetical question; I didn’t really want to know. I highly doubted, however, that he’d ever hung around to get told off by anyone’s mom before.
“Hey,” he said.
My black Keds were so fascinating. I’d just keep on looking at them. “Hey. Sorry about yesterday, it was—”
“Edie,” he said, the frown evident in his voice. “Look at me. What happened?”
I dumped my bag, slumping against the row of lockers. “Well, I’m grounded for all of eternity, of course. Matt, Mom’s fiancé, is going to chaperone me on the nights when Mom is at work.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I mean, he’s not so bad. I know him, I’m comfortable with him being around and everything. But he’s not going to let us disappear for drives or anything either. Eventually Mom’s going to switch back to just doing day shifts. With Matt living with us, money won’t be so tight.”
John slumped next to me, keeping his eyes on my face.
“I really am sorry about Mom making a scene,” I said.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“We didn’t even really do anything.”
Brows raised, he asked, “Regret that now?”
“A little.”
An almost smile. “What about weekends, any chance you’re allowed out then?”
I hissed through my teeth. “That’s the awkward, horrible, and kind of tricky bit.”
“Go on.”
“You’re not going to like it.”
“Tell me.” His beautiful face remained as cool and calm as ever.
Having a private conversation in a school hallway was difficult business. Some girl walking by called his name. He ignored her. A jock-type dude slapped his back for no apparent reason. Eyes were on us. Of course, together we always warranted attention from the student body. Sad for them to have nothing more interesting going on in their lives. Sometimes the attention bugged me. This morning, though, I just didn’t have the energy to care.
We only had about five minutes before class started, but I’d rather blurt it out and be done with it than wait until lunchtime or after school.
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “Mom said I’m only allowed to go out Saturday nights, and my curfew is nine o’clock. She’s going to be tracking my phone and randomly calling, because apparently acting like a deranged stalker is cool if you’re a parent.”
Nothing from him.
“Honestly, it’s like I’m twelve instead of seventeen.” Amazing, my voice had hardly any whine to it at all. “Might as well tuck me into bed with a teddy bear and turn on the night-light.”