‘That’s not nothing,’ said Tiffany. ‘Our next-door neighbour dies and we don’t even know. That’s not nothing.’
Vid shrugged. ‘Okay, so what did Dakota say in the car today? We feel regret. Yes, we do. Sure we do. We feel regret over Harry. We should have visited him more, even when he slammed the door in our faces. And if you want, you can feel regret over your dancing, even though you were good at it and you liked it and you didn’t hurt anyone, and you made a lot of money, you know, so I think, good for you, but okay, if you want, you feel regret. Just like we feel regret over little Ruby, you know, of course we do. We all feel terrible. We all wish that things had been different. We wish that very much. We wish – I wish – I’d never invited those people in the first place and I wish I’d kept a better eye on those little girls, so that every time I walk into my own backyard I don’t have to remember …’
He stopped. His mouth worked as if he were chewing on a tough piece of steak.
‘I’ll never forget her little white face,’ said Vid finally. He’d got control of his voice but his eyes were very bright. He held the blue dustpan full of chocolate nuts and glass tightly in his hand. ‘Her blue lips. The whole time I was calling the ambulance, I was thinking to myself, It’s too late. It’s too late. She’s gone.’
He turned away and Tiffany closed her eyes briefly.
A speeding ticket had arrived last week and she’d recognised the date immediately. A camera must have picked her up going over the limit when she’d driven Clementine to the hospital. She would never forget that drive. It was like a nightmare that stayed with you forever. She and Clementine had experienced that together. It was not right that Tiffany and her family be cut cleanly from Clementine’s life.
She thought of Dakota and how she’d buried her groundless remorse so deep she’d become an eerie ghost of herself.
‘Right,’ she said. She felt suddenly very, very angry. ‘Where are the keys? We’re going out.’
chapter fifty-five
The day of the barbeque
Tiffany registered the sudden, eerie, whisper-quietness of her neighbourhood. The police and the paramedics and the helicopter had all left. Sunday night in the suburbs. Time for homework and ironing and 60 Minutes.
It was dark now. The streetlights were on. They stood in the front yard. Tiffany was about to drive Clementine to the hospital. She had her car keys ready in the palm of her hand. Only one parent had been allowed to go in the helicopter with Ruby and Sam had gone, which meant Clementine had to get to the hospital on her own.
‘I’ll drive myself,’ said Clementine now. She must have been running fingers through her hair, because it stood out in a mad halo around her head, like she’d had an electric shock.
‘No, you won’t. You’re probably over the limit anyway,’ said Tiffany.
‘Haven’t you been drinking?’ said Clementine.
‘I only had one light beer,’ said Tiffany.
‘Oh,’ said Clementine. She chewed her lip and Tiffany saw that she’d drawn blood. ‘Right.’
The plan was for Oliver and Erika to take care of Holly, just Oliver really, because Erika was clearly not quite right, although she’d finally stopped shaking.
‘I’ll get these two ladies onto the couch with a DVD and some popcorn,’ said Oliver. The poor man was still in wet clothes himself.
Clementine suddenly threw her arms so violently around Oliver she nearly knocked him off balance. ‘I haven’t even said thank you,’ she said into his chest. ‘I haven’t even thanked you both.’ Her voice was so full of raw emotion it was almost painful to hear.
She reached an arm out to Erika, to hug her too, but Erika stepped away. ‘Fix your hair, Clementine,’ she said. She smoothed down the strands of hair around Clementine’s face with both hands. ‘You’ll scare Ruby. You look like a witch.’
‘Thanks,’ said Clementine with a shaky breath. ‘Right.’
She bent down to Holly’s height. ‘You be a good girl for Erika and Oliver, okay? And, um, you might get to stay with Grandma tonight!’
‘Hooray!’ said Holly. She stopped. ‘And Ruby too?’
‘I think it will be just you tonight, Holly,’ said Clementine. She looked up at the sky where the helicopter had just disappeared and pulled her cardigan tighter around her. Holly stared up at her mother and her lower lip trembled.
‘Let’s go, Holly,’ said Oliver, taking her hand. He looked at Tiffany. ‘Er. Thank you for your hospitality, Tiffany. Vid.’
Vid slapped him on the shoulder. ‘Mate.’
Oliver hurried Holly off down the driveway, telling her about the movie they were about to see.
‘You’ll call us?’ Erika put her hand on Clementine’s arm, and Tiffany could see that this was her version of a hug. Her sister Karen was exactly the same.