Trouble is a Friend of Mine

‘G4 1550 Bring food.’


I checked my handbook. Computer lab across the quad from the storage room. I thought about refusing, but what was the point? I hit the vending machine and headed to the lab. Digby and Henry were already there.

‘Oh, man, you’re saving my life right now.’ Digby grabbed the food. I was barely able to snatch back some chips for myself.

‘You know, it only takes, like, an extra second to type “hi” when you send a message. I mean, “G4 1550 Bring food”? That’s rude. You can’t just order me around.’

‘Probably doesn’t help that you keep showing up anyway,’ Henry said.

‘She knows she’d miss out if she didn’t. C’mon, this is fun, right, Princeton?’ Digby said.

‘Big fun,’ I said.

‘She loves it,’ Digby said. ‘She writes all about it in her diary.’

‘You let him read your diary?’ Henry said.

‘No, I didn’t. He helped himself.’

‘Oh, no, dude. I did that to my sister once. Not good. She beat the tar out of me,’ Henry said.

‘His sister Athena …’ Digby did a closed-fisted double biceps downward flex and grunted.

‘A big girl,’ Henry said.

‘A truck,’ Digby said.

‘She plays lacrosse,’ Henry said.

‘She’s big, but she’s fast,’ Digby said. ‘And silent.’

‘For a truck,’ Henry said.

‘Don’t be such pigs. And you.’ I pointed at Henry. ‘She’s your sister.’

‘Nah, she’ll do well. Greek guys love big women. My grandfather told me I should marry a big woman so she can keep me warm in the winter and give me shade in the summer,’ Henry said.

‘It’s so inspiring to hear what really goes on in the mind of the average teenage boy,’ I said. ‘Anyway, what are we doing here? Are we waiting to see who the dealer is?’

‘No, he turned up a while ago.’ Digby produced a Lenny the Binoculars from Toy Story.

‘Interesting spy equipment,’ I said.

‘It works. Look,’ Digby said.

We crossed the lab, ducked below the windowsill, and looked out across the courtyard at the windowless gray storage trailer. A uniformed janitor stood in the doorway.

‘Our janitor’s dealing?’ I said.

‘Look. In his hand,’ Digby said.

He was flicking his Zippo lighter, lighting and slapping it shut over and over.

‘Bicycle Guy from the Dumpster fire’s our janitor?’ I said.

‘That’s Floyd. He’s also my team’s equipment manager. He drives the bus for away games,’ Henry said.

‘You didn’t recognize him before?’ I said.

‘From the back, in the dark? He was just another skinny dude wearing a hoodie,’ Henry said. ‘He’s dealing?’

‘We’re about to find out.’ Digby’s phone rang and he turned on the speaker. ‘We have audio. Here’s our inside man now.’

Through the binoculars, I watched Felix Fong walking toward Floyd. He looked so small but super-determined. His hands were balled into fists and his knees were stiff and hardly bent as he walked. He was wearing a ridiculous shirt that said: ‘“Your girlfriend’s in good hands”?’ I read. ‘It’s surprising a shirt that offensive comes in a size that small.’

We heard Felix’s thin voice say to Floyd, ‘Hey, um … you holding?’

‘You sent him?’ I said. ‘That guy had a gun, if you remember, and that kid’s completely clueless.’

‘Don’t worry. We did research. He knows what to say,’ Digby said.

‘Whatcha want, kid?’ Floyd didn’t sound like he believed Felix was actually there to buy.

‘Oh, you know … Adderall, Dexies, Bennies, uppers, speed, wake-ups …’ Poor Felix was so nervous, he was uncontrollably reeling off every nickname he’d learned.

‘Yup … and he’s puking out research all over Floyd, dude,’ Henry said.

‘He’s going to die and it’ll be your fault,’ I said. ‘And mine too, because I’m right here … letting it happen.’

‘Okay, cool it, Felix,’ Digby muttered.

‘You know what you’re asking for?’ Floyd said.

‘Um … yeah,’ Felix said.

‘What? You going to party?’ Floyd openly laughed at Felix.

‘Um … sort of. I’m building a simulation? About black holes and entropy? I need to do two weeks’ work in one?’ Felix said.

‘Good job, Felix,’ Digby said.

‘Buy some Red Bull, kid. Get lost,’ Floyd said.

From Felix’s body language, it was clear he was about to give up. He turned in our direction. For a second, I thought he’d wave at us to come rescue him.

‘He’s losing it. He’s losing it.’ Digby took out a small mirror and caught the sun with it. The bright flash that momentarily shone across Felix’s face was the reassurance he needed.

‘I have thirty dollars and you’re selling me something to help me concentrate,’ Felix said.

‘Or what, kid?’ Floyd said.

‘Yeah … or what, Felix?’ Digby said.

‘Or … or … I have lots of friends who have lots of science projects,’ Felix said. ‘Maybe we’ll find someone else.’