This time, my grandparents left me alone. They didn’t pester me to eat or check to see how I was doing. They knew how I was doing. I was miserable, locked in a dark, dark place. You could see my depression from outer space.
I didn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t watch TV or listen to music. I didn’t read. I just laid on my bed and thought. I thought about how I’d come full circle in Scotland. I’d arrived with my life in pieces—and while I’d made friends and found love, I was heartbroken and alone once again. The funny thing about the human heart is that when it’s broken or shattered, it does grow back . . . only to be smashed again. And it hurts worse every time.
Missing Gavin made me miss my mom more than I had in months, which in turn made me miss Jo, which made me miss Hunter . . . Every day, I woke up and found that everything was exactly the same. The pain wasn’t going anywhere, and the facts were unchanged. My friends were still dead or gone. The love of my life was still exiled from me forever . . . I would have given anything to erase the pain of knowing, loving, and then losing Gavin.
I pictured him constantly, obsessively. I conjured up every detail of him from the slight dimple near the right side of his mouth to the way his hair fell across his eyebrows. I catalogued his different looks, recalled his every touch, relived every kiss and caress.
When I finally got out of bed, it was only to slump into the armchair by the window. The window where Gavin used to visit me. I stared at the solemn forest and prayed as hard as I could that somehow, someday, he would come back to me.
Then one day, my prayers were answered.
My phone rang with a tone I didn’t recognize. I had ignored everyone from school long enough that they’d stopped calling, but my ringtones were set by me, and none of them were classical. When my phone started playing a rousing piece by Beethoven—the only one I knew, the 9th Symphony with the full chorus that sounds like a musical battle between heaven and hell—I was curious. I walked over and looked at the screen. The caller ID said “Unknown,” but the ringtone didn’t stop. It kept playing for over five minutes, the full movement. Something stirred inside me. I picked it up to answer it.
“Hello?” I croaked.
“Maren!” a girl’s voice crackled. “Can you hear me?”
“Yes,” I said. “Who is this?”
“It’s Gia!” she exclaimed. “From Magnificat, remember? I need your help!”
I perked up instantly, like when someone in a movie is given smelling salts or a shot of adrenaline to the heart. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing you couldn’t fix if you joined me at the Abbey,” she answered cheerfully.
“What do you mean?” I recoiled a little inside at the mention of the organization I still blamed for killing my parents.
“A huge new case came up, and we need someone with your skills,” she explained.
“Yeah, right, because I’m so good at saving people,” I said sarcastically. “Pass. I’m sure they can find someone else.”
“Pass?” she said. “Really?” I guessed Gia couldn’t read minds over the phone, or she wouldn’t have sounded so shocked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Why would I possibly want anything to do with the Abbey?”
“I thought you’d want to get Gavin back,” she said simply. A rush of heat ran through my body.
“How did you know Gavin was gone?” I asked.
“Everyone knows. The angel-human world is pretty small. People talk. Well, the humans, anyway . . .”
“What are they saying?” I interrupted.
“There’s a lot of debate in Tribunal because he obviously broke the Covenant for a girl, but they say maybe it was worth it if she has special powers.”
My cheeks started tingling. “Me?” I gasped. “They think I have special powers?”
“Don’t you?”
My mind started racing. “I don’t know. Do you really think I could free Gavin?”
“I know you’re special, Maren, and you can’t lie to me, you know it too. Do I think you could get Gavin back? Possibly. But you’re going to have to prove to them that you’re worth it.”
“You mean, like bargain with them?” I breathed.
“Why not?” she said. “It’s what I would do. If I really loved the guy, that is. If you don’t . . .”
“No,” I practically shouted. I could feel myself coming back to life, piece by piece. “I do. I do. I love him.”
“Then you’d better get ready to fight.”
I made my decision, and Gia made all the arrangements. I was going to enter the Abbey.
It was time to go. I was going to miss Scotland, but I couldn’t be there without Gavin. Everything reminded me of him: the trees, the moon, the mist, the thunder . . .
I’d already said good-bye to my grandparents. My grandmother tried to stop me, of course, tried to tell me how dangerous it was. She’d already lost her son and daughter-in-law to the dreaded agency. She didn’t know what it really was, how much danger I was really going to be in, and I didn’t tell her.
I had to go, and nothing was going to stop me. I had to fix some of the damage I’d caused. I had to avenge Jo’s death. I had to stop the demons from killing one more person. But most importantly, I had to get Gavin back.
Maybe if I was good enough, strong enough, smart enough . . . maybe if I helped them take down a demon seat or two, they’d let me have all I’d ever wanted: Gavin.
I had to try. I’d been stripped bare. I’d lost my mom, my best friend, and my eternal love.
I had nothing left but time.
I knew there would be risks. I’d seen enough blood and death in the last few weeks to know it was only the beginning. I would be tested and twisted and pushed to my limits. But I was ready. I had already been baptized by fire. I was broken inside, but I wasn’t going to stay that way. My life wasn’t mine anymore. I had finally accepted my destiny.
EPILOGUE
Everywhere I go, I leave a trail of dead bodies. My father, my mother, my best friend, my classmates . . . I can’t escape it. I even dream about death. Not the kind of dreams you want to come true. But it is true. Evil is real.
My parents died fighting to stop the darkness. I’ll keep fighting too, even if it means I have to die. Dying’s not half as hard as being left behind, anyway . . .
We are at war. Anyone who tells you differently is lying.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS