‘But it is your mother…?’ Any other brand-new teacher wouldn’t be quizzing me, I thought, feeling irritated at this liberty Red was taking. But then, why shouldn’t he take it? He wasn’t just a brand-new teacher. He was Red.
’Yes it’s her all right.’ I sighed. ‘It’s about a plan to sell a very small slice of land, nothing that anyone should get energised about, but they are merely exercising their democratic right to protest.’ It wasn’t just Michael who had the monopoly on pomposity, I thought, as I spouted forth. But I didn’t want Red to see that I wasn’t in perfect control of my life. He had to see I had made a real success of everything.
‘Why sell the land?’
‘It’s a way of bringing a much-needed cash injection into the school,’ I went on, loftily. ‘It’s actually a very good plan. We are really short of money to do things in the school such as fix a roof, buy some chairs… a few iPads…’
‘Really?’
‘Look, nothing has been decided. I said I would give this my full consideration. And I will. It has to go in front of the board first and then I get the final say.’
‘But you’re not going to do it, are you?’ he said. ‘You can’t sell the land… not for a few bits of plastic…’
‘Red, we need money. The school exists on handouts from our parents. Every week we have some kind of money-making ploy, whether it’s dress-up day, or a book sale. We are scrabbling for money all the time. We can’t afford to resurface the playground or replace any broken desks or… invest in technology.’
‘Right… Tabitha, I know it’s not my place…’
I let that one hang there, hoping my silence would be enough of an answer.
‘But,’ he went on, oblivious to my annoyance, ‘really? Trees for technology. I didn’t think you would do that.’
‘Well, Red, you don’t know me that well, do you? And you shouldn’t suggest that you do…’
Ignoring my rebuke, he pressed on, ‘and now you’ve got a protest outside. How long are they going to be there for? They look like they are quite happy already. You don’t need this. And the kids don’t need a protest on their doorstep. It’s not good for anyone. Come on, we’ll find another way of raising the money. A sponsored football match. Anything.’
‘It’s fine,’ I said, with a patronising smile. ‘I am totally in control of the situation. And anyway, Red, you’ve just joined the school. It’s hardly your concern.’
‘You’re right. I’m being presumptuous.’
‘And, it’s nothing,’ I said. ‘Just a little protest. My mother loves a protest, as you might remember. I think she was getting bored because she hadn’t had a good fight on her hands since last year’s save the lesser spotted earwig campaign. She’s been banned from her local health food shop because she complained so often about them using Israeli chickpeas in their hummus…’
‘But…’
‘This is what she’s like Red,’ I reminded him. ‘She likes a cause. Gives her a purpose in life.’ I could feel my face going red with frustration and embarrassment. After all these years, Red had come back and instead of me showing him how together my life was, what a success I had made of things, the cracks, the reality, was already appearing.
‘Ah, a purpose. We all need one of those. I must get one, one of these days.’ He was helping me out, I knew that. He’d noticed how I was shifting awkwardly. ‘Look, I’m sorry, asking all those questions. It’s just that… I don’t know.’
‘It’s all right.’ I didn’t know where the lines were either.
‘Whatever happened to that man your mum used to go out with? What was his name?’
‘Finty. Finty Somethingorother. O’Brien. Finty O’Brien.’
‘Finty! That was him. Tattoo of some woman’s name.’
‘Bernadette. It looked as though it had been inked by someone with delirium tremens.’
Red laughed and I found my mouth twitching into a smile too.
‘I asked him who Bernadette was once,’ I said. ‘She was a dog apparently.’
Red’s loud guffaw echoed around the room. For a moment I wondered what it would be like if I brought him home for dinner, introduced him to Rosie. Could we be friends? It would be nice, I thought, having a new friend. A new old friend, someone who made me laugh. I wondered what his hand would feel like if I took it, if we went for a walk on the pier in Dun Laoghaire, where we always used to go. I wondered what life would have been like if only I hadn’t gone swimming that day. If only…
Before
Four in the morning and I had just hitched all the way from West Cork after leaving Nora and her boyfriend, Finty, at the Peace Camp on Mizen Head. Calling Red from a petrol station by the Red Cow Inn. And twenty minutes later, there he was. It was dark and cold and I had never been so tired. I had zigzagged my way up from the arse end of nowhere, thumbing lifts and waiting hours and hours. When I saw the old Nissan pulling into the forecourt, I burst into tears and then Red’s arms around me, the smell of his old jacket, the light stubble on his face. Him kissing me, in the grey light of the dawn.
Chapter Ten
I was hoping that my mother and the other protestors would have had the good sense to pack up and not return but every day for the following week, they turned up in the morning before the first bell and packed up to go home at 4pm, to return the following morning.
On Friday, when I drove into school, there they were getting themselves sorted and giving me cheery waves. Robbo was pulling open a few picnic chairs and setting them at the stove where Nellie was already at the kettle, brewing up. Leaf had made what looked like a dandelion chain and was stringing it over her placards. It was as though they were settling in for Glastonbury.
And there was Nora, mug of tea in her hand, in the glow of the gas stove, looking radiant. The pirate queen.
I stopped the car and she walked over and peered in through my window.
‘Mum, I think you should go now,’ I said through the glass.
‘Go where?’ she said, innocently.
‘Home.’
‘Put your window down,’ she ordered. ‘That’s better. Now, we can’t leave, Tabitha. We explained it all to you. Not until that land remains part of the school.’
‘Mum… please.’
‘Sorry, Tab. Think of the trees.’
‘Think of me! I’ve got enough going on with everything. Rosie’s exams…’ I didn’t tell her about Rosie’s panic attack because I didn’t want to worry her. You see, that was typical. We all tiptoed around Nora, worrying about her feelings, but she never worried about any of us. Principles came first.
‘I know,’ she said, sweetly. ‘I know you do and it’s most unfortunate, but we don’t have the gift of time. The end of term is nigh,’ she went on. ‘By the way, tell Rosie to call me. I haven’t heard from her for ages.’
‘She’s finding it very tough,’ I admitted. ‘A lot of pressure.’
‘It’s too much,’ said Nora. ‘Too much for anyone, never mind a young girl.’
‘But how else is she going to get to college?’
‘There’s more to life than college,’ she answered. ‘You know that. I never went and neither did your grandmother. And look at us.’
‘Yes, look at you. Standing in a street protesting at some development. Trying to save trees that are probably riddled with some kind of disease and should for the good of their health be euthanised.’ My pomposity, I noticed, was coming along brilliantly. ‘Or chopped down, I suppose you could also say.’
‘Aha! You said development! Which is why, Tabitha, we are here. Vigilance at all times. You always have to be alert where people can smell money.’
‘Are you accusing me of being interested in money?’ I said, aghast. ‘My motives are purely for the benefits of the pupils.’
‘No, you’re not an avaricious person, Tabitha, I know that. But what about the other people involved. Be careful. Be suspicious. Always ask questions and never believe what you are told. That’s what I’ve learned in my fifty years as an activist.’
‘This is the modern world, Mum. You need to catch up.’ I was so annoyed that I revved off too quickly and thought for one terrible moment that I had run over her foot. I had to look in the rear-view mirror to check, but thankfully she was walking back to the others without a limp, and then, horribly, I wished I had run over her foot.