I hated gardening, probably because I was horrible at it, and Collin laughed if anyone ever mentioned plants and flowers around me. I killed everything I tried to grow here because I’d grown up with so much rain and wasn’t used to all the sunshine, so we had a landscaping crew to make it look as amazing as it did. And as far as I knew, whenever Collin went tearing through the house and cars looking for birth control, “hidden” credit cards, or whatever else he thought I was hiding from him, he’d never once looked in the garden.
Choosing one of the large, potted plants up on the porch, I pushed aside the annoying amount of greenery coming out of it and played with the soil inside, judging where and how deep I needed the phone to go. After making a little hole, I sent Knox a message, powered down the phone, double-bagged and buried it, then went inside to get any remaining soil off my hands.
I looked over at the clock as I finished drying my hands, and exhaled in relief. Collin would be home in two minutes . . . I’d done it. I had all the food set out and had just finished putting drinks on the table when I heard the key in the lock and Collin walked in.
“Harlow?” he called out in excitement.
“In here,” I answered, and held back an eye roll. Of course I was in the kitchen. I was always in the kitchen when he came home from work. I was just caught off guard by his tone.
Collin rounded the corner and stopped short when he saw the takeout on the table. “Chinese?”
“Um, I fell asleep. I just . . . I got tired, and I crashed. The next thing I knew it was too late to make dinner, and I’m sorry.”
He closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms tightly around me. “Hey, it’s okay! It’s okay. I’m sure you’re tired, and you haven’t been feeling well. This is great. Chinese sounds perfect.”
Collin couldn’t stop smiling, and it was scaring me so much that I was shaking. Collin only smiled like this on Saturday mornings before I took the test, when we were out with other people, or after he’d finished giving me a punishment and was trying to make up for it. He’d been extremely gentle and somewhat caring all week, but he hadn’t been like this.
“H-how was work?”
“Fine,” he responded offhandedly. “I decided I don’t want to wait. What do you say?”
My eyebrows rose in confusion. “What? What aren’t we waiting for?”
“Tomorrow morning!” He said the words like I should have already known what we were talking about. “This is all I think about at work, and it’s driving me crazy to wait. I have to know.”
My face and stomach fell. “Um, but—”
“What difference is a night going to make?”
“B-but it is evening, and . . . and . . . and you shouldn’t take the tests in the evening. They say on the box to take them first thing in the morning, right? Didn’t you tell me that? That’s why I take them after I wake up.” I was going to be sick. I hadn’t eaten once today, but it felt like I was going to lose the imaginary contents of my stomach.
Collin’s smile vanished just as suddenly as he stepped away from me. “Why are you trying to put this off, Harlow?” he asked darkly.
“I’m not!” I tried to assure him, but judging by the way his breaths were slowly getting rougher, I wasn’t succeeding. I scrambled to think of anything to say, and thought back to what I’d said to him while we were dancing at the fund-raiser for the firehouse. “I’m just scared! I’ve thought that this was it, but what if it’s not? What if I’ve gotten both our hopes up? I told you that I was worried about that. This test has been looming over my head and terrifying me, because what if I let you down again? I hate letting you down, Collin!” I choked out.
I didn’t have to fake the fear, the shaking, or the tears. All of it was very real. Letting Collin down was the last thing I wanted to do, just not for the reasons he thought.
The loving Collin was back as if a light switch had been thrown, and once again he wrapped me tightly in his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad? I would’ve done anything to let you know that no matter what, I love you, and we’re going to get through this. No result on a test is going to change what I feel for you, baby. But that’s even more of a reason to just do it now; then you won’t have to lose sleep tonight worrying. Let’s just do it.”
“Collin, please don’t—”
“Harlow,” he snapped, then collected himself again. “We’re doing the test. Now.”
Gripping my wrist in his hand, he led me back to our bathroom and bent down to get a test. The tears began forming once the foil-wrapped stick was in my hand, but I kept my eyes away from him so he wouldn’t see them. I’d thought I still had time. I was wrong. I suddenly wanted Knox’s phone. I was wondering why I hadn’t let him take me away, and why I knew even still that I wouldn’t.
Collin took the stick like he always did and set it on the counter before pulling me into his arms to wait. A couple of minutes later his breathing stopped, and I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself.
“Harlow!” he shouted, and my eyes shot open to look at the stick.