I’d barely even made it into Portland, Oregon, before I was pulled over and arrested for “driving while intoxicated.” It didn’t matter that it was late morning, that I wasn’t given any form of field sobriety test, or that the officer didn’t bother to put me in a holding cell once we arrived at the station. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t been given the privilege of using the phone—not that I would have called Collin anyway. He still showed up at the Portland police station less than three hours later to pick me up; all of the charges were miraculously dropped.
That night Collin made me sit on the couch with my phone in front of me, and told me I wasn’t to move until I’d received “the call.” I didn’t understand what call he was talking about since he sat across the room from me the entire night.
Then my phone rang.
It was my younger sister crying and telling me that the beach house they’d been staying in had caught fire. They had all made it out fine, but half of the house had been destroyed, and the cause was later determined to be arson. They never found who did it, but I hadn’t thought they would. Collin had been able to get an officer from Portland to fake my intoxication; why would he hire someone in California who was so careless as to get caught?
I hadn’t tried to leave Collin again.
After getting up from the kitchen table, I moved slowly through the house, making sure everything was still clean from the day before. Once the clothes in the bedroom were picked up, and the bed was made, I texted my younger sister, Hadley, and headed into the bathroom to take a shower.
I hated our shower. It was big; too big. You could comfortably fit ten people in there. Collin had one of those rain shower systems put in so the entire thing was heated and could be put to use. All it did for me was make it harder to push memories of Knox aside, especially after dreaming about him—which was nearly every night.
Our first kiss had been in the rain. We’d danced in the rain. And it’d been raining the last time I’d spoken to him. Everything about rain reminded me of him, reminded me of what I’d lost.
Summer 2008—Seattle
“BUT DO I look okay for the concert?” I asked my older sister, Hayley. “You keep skipping that last part!”
She rolled her eyes after pulling into a parking spot. “I’m saying you look hot; that’s all that should matter.”
“I’ve never been to a concert; it could totally matter!”
“This can’t even technically be considered a concert. I mean, it is, but it isn’t. There will be people coming and going, and just hanging out . . . it’s just chill. You’re fine, I swear.”
I flipped down the visor and checked my makeup in the mirror one more time before stepping out of the car with her.
She sent me an approving smile as I rounded the front of her car to join her. “Ready?”
“Obviously,” I said, holding my arms out.
“You’re such a brat,” she said with a laugh. “Come on.”
Wrapping an arm around my neck, she pulled me across the parking lot and over a large lawn to a building I would’ve sworn was abandoned, by the looks of it. But it was a local hangout, as well as the place to go to indie concerts. Mom never wanted me coming out here, but somehow Hayley had managed to get her to agree tonight. Usually wherever Hayley was, I wasn’t far behind.
She wasn’t just my sister; she was my best friend. Her friends were mine, her curfew was also mine, and this was our last summer together before she moved across the country for school. I didn’t know what I was going to do without her; our other sister was too young for me to hang out with yet—and I’d never even had friends my age. My parents always called me an “old soul,” whatever that meant. All I knew was that I never fit in unless I was with Hayley, and she was leaving me.
“Look who decided to show!” Hayley’s boyfriend, Neil, called out as we reached the building. “It’s Little Little Low Low.”
“Hilarious,” I muttered before he picked me up in a big bear hug.
“You’re not looking so little there, Little Low.”
“And you’re a creeper,” I said at the same time Hayley made a face and smacked his stomach. “Ew, don’t be gross!”
“I’m not!” He flung out his arms then wrapped one around Hayley. “I’m just saying we should probably keep a leash on her tonight, or something. Babe, you know your sister doesn’t look fifteen, and then you dress her in that? No one here is going to think she’s underage. I should put a sign on her that says ‘young one: untouchable.’”
“She’ll be fine.” Hayley smiled and winked at me. “She looks great, and she’s here to have fun. She’s not going to do anything stupid.”
Neil groaned. “I’m going to be punching people, aren’t I?”
“Probably,” Hayley responded, and leaned in to kiss him. They soon forgot we were in public.
“Did we come here for a concert, or for you to maul each other?”
Hayley turned to grin at me. “Both?” When I made a face, she laughed. “Come on, let’s go inside.”
I found out very quickly that concerts weren’t my thing. If it hadn’t been for the fact that most of our friends were there, the bad music and heavy smell of something that I wasn’t entirely sure was legal would have been unbearable.
I drummed my fingers on the table and blew out a heavy breath as I looked around us. “I’m going to get some fresh air,” I stated loudly for whoever was listening.