“He was…a troubled person.” She winces. “I’m not supposed to downplay it. He did bad things. I still don’t like to go as far as saying he was a bad person.”
An unexpected comfort fills me. “I know exactly what you mean.”
The feelings I have for Leader Allen are complex, layered. I despise him, but I respect him. And I definitely fear him. In the world he built, what he did to me wasn’t even wrong. It was his due. And even though I’m glad he’s dead, sometimes I miss him too.
She gives me a sad smile. “Maybe it would be easier if I could just hate him and forget him, but he’s always there. When Bailey smiles a certain way or sneezes—and it reminds me of him all over again. I can’t escape him.”
The same way I see Leader Allen in my baby girl. “So what do you do?”
Allie seems so at peace. So happy. If I could find just a small piece of that ease, that security. If I could look even half as serene as she does…
“Mostly I forgive him.”
Chapter Fifteen
Luca showers before he comes to me, blood trickling in pale rivulets from a cut on the side of his head. I look through the little compartments in the back of the limo until I find a napkin. I fold it once and reach for him.
He freezes. For a long moment I think he’ll refuse.
Then he bends his head, almost princely as he receives my touch. I press the thin cloth against him, gentle in the face of his wound. His skin is hot and pulsing beneath my hand, body still flushed from the gym.
He might be a lion, lethal and wild, but he’s my lion.
And I want him on my side.
“I can’t believe you fought so hard.”
He takes the napkin from me, his smile more like a grimace. “Sorry. Figured you’d rather stay at the hotel than see me like that.”
“No, it was…” I’m not sure how to describe his fighting. Brutal. Beautiful. “You were so skilled out there. Allie told me that the other trainers wouldn’t work with you.”
He laughs. “They didn’t want me on their record if I got my ass handed to me.”
“You beat eight guys in a row.”
“Yeah, and I bet they’re feeling pretty fucking—pretty stupid right about now.”
I had to smile. Swear words used to make me flinch, but I’m getting accustomed to them. Like getting a tan when you’ve been out in the sun a lot. Soon they might not bother me. “Serves them right.”
“I’m glad I’m working with Colin. He’s tough. Straightforward. That’s what I need this close to the fight. Because those guys were just the beginning.”
And already bruises bloom along his cheek. “Are you sure you should do this? What if we just told people you’re going to do it, so the word gets to my brother, and then you can pull out before the fight?”
He looks offended. “And pussy out? If I say I’m going to fight, I’m going to fight. Besides, I want to see the look of shock on their faces when I take the title.”
I want to tell him it wouldn’t be weak, that sometimes surviving is the only kind of strength that matters. That’s the lesson I learned. And I think it might be the one Allie did too. But I know that a man like Luca can never embrace it. He’s forged himself into too powerful a weapon to ever bow down.
The limo slows, and I glance at the tinted window. My breath catches at the black overhang that covers a shiny brass revolving door. Burnished-copper sconces line either side of the walkway. Close-set bricks form a walkway from the curb to the door.
It’s an old-world style charm. An expensive charm.
A valet opens the door, looking unfazed by Luca’s rough appearance. He changed into a T-shirt and jeans, faintly damp as if he dressed before completely drying off. He looks rugged and dangerous. We draw more than a few glances from the patrons inside, but the woman behind the desk doesn’t even blink when he hands over his credit card.
“Your suite is on the eighteenth floor, Mr. Almanzar.”
He takes the cards with a gruff, “Thank you.”
“Wait,” I say, halting. My past taught me to be afraid of men. To be afraid of everything. But I don’t want to live in fear anymore. “Do you have a first-aid kit we could use?”
The woman glances at Luca, then back at me. “Of course. I’ll have the concierge send one up with your luggage.”
If he insists on fighting, then I’m going to insist on patching him up.
And I’m taking Candy’s advice. I’ll trust him and see what happens. It’s a risk, but one I can make without jeopardizing Delilah. It’s just him and me for the next week.
My last chance to see what’s possible. Intimacy. Sex.
As for Allie’s advice, that will be harder to follow.
Luca raises his eyebrow at me but doesn’t comment. He turns to the woman. “And send up dinner while you’re at it. Steaks, medium rare. Some wine.”
“Of course,” she says, looking both apprehensive and awed.
Only when we step into a mirrored elevator does Luca mutter, “I’m not dying.”