“Phet,” I said simply. “What brings you to my version of hell?”
The man took hold of my shoulder and peered at me with lucid brown eyes.
“Kishan,” he said gravely, “Kelsey needs you.”
Chapter 1
Phet Revealed
My muscles tensed and I stopped breathing.
Kelsey.
I pictured her face. The last words we’d shared.
I’d been an absolute idiot.
Six months before, Phet had said that Durga needed a tiger and that one of us must make the choice to stay. When Ren and I moved off to talk about it, my brother completely refused to even consider staying behind. He told me he would go where Kelsey went. There was no other choice for him, he’d declared stubbornly.
Phet spoke to us quietly then and explained that Sunil, Anamika’s brother, would be returning with Kelsey to the future and thus would be leaving his sister behind. I’d glanced at Anamika and seen her gripping her recently rescued brother’s arm. She was still unaware that her brother would leave. I knew through my connection to the goddess that his departure would be a terrible blow.
Phet emphasized, “Durga must fulfill her purpose. Generations of people will be influenced by her. Without a companion, she will be left alone and the world as we know it will change utterly. A tiger is meant to embrace this life. You must choose.”
As new as our bond was at the time, I was aware, even then, that Anamika hated the idea of posing as a goddess, destiny or not. The odds were good that without someone at her side, she’d likely head back to India and give up the life of the goddess.
Rubbing my hands across my face, I suggested, “Why can’t her brother stay with her?”
“Her brother is a part of her human life. She must step into the role of an immortal, see to her duty, and leave thoughts of her past behind. Trust me when I say, it will be better for both of them to place their feet on separate paths.”
Phet knew more than he was sharing. That much was always true, so when he said Sunil needed to leave his sister, I didn’t question it further.
Ren seemed to come to the same conclusion because he nodded and answered, “Then, I will stay and serve, but only if Kelsey remains as well.”
Adamantly, Phet shook his head. “Kahl-see’s course lies in the future.”
The old monk headed off to console Kelsey and left me alone with my brother. “She’s my fiancée,” I began.
“I loved her first, Kishan.”
“Yes. But you walked away.”
“It was a mistake. One I don’t plan on making again.”
The two of us went back and forth for a few minutes trying to convince the other to stay, but neither of us budged. Phet returned and told us an answer needed to be given soon, and as he said it, he gave me a look. A look that suggested I should end this.
What did that mean? Was he trying to tell me I should be the one to give in? To give up the girl I loved? Or maybe he meant I was the one who understood the calling of Durga, who had the connection. I shifted uncomfortably.
Desperately, I whispered to Ren. “You know what I’ve seen, what my vision in the Grove of Dreams showed me.”
Ren nodded reluctantly.
I pressed, “If I stay behind, then Kelsey’s son will…” I glanced around to see if anyone was listening. No one was. They seemed to be giving us a private moment. “Will never be born,” I finished with a whisper.
“You don’t know that,” Ren stubbornly affirmed.
“He had my eyes, Ren. Mine!”
Ren looked away as if it pained him to see the proof of Kelsey’s future son in my direct gaze. Instead, he said softly, “You owe me, brother.”
I sucked in a breath as his words spun in my mind. I owed him.
Did I?
I thought back on what I’d done, how I’d betrayed him by not only stealing his fiancée, Yesubai, but by endangering his life and our kingdom. Then, with Kelsey, I’d pressed her, kissed her, when I knew she still had feelings for Ren.
Later, I’d tried to be noble and promised her that she could decide the terms of our relationship. But when I finally had her, I knew I would never let her go, no matter the circumstances. I did owe Ren, but I just couldn’t bring myself to give him the girl I loved.
Frustrated, I ran a hand over the back of my neck. I glanced at the group and noticed Kelsey was missing. “Where is she?” I asked Phet.
“She mourns for the one she believes will stay behind,” Phet replied.
My body stilled and I cocked my head, listening to the sounds of her soft weeping. Her heartbreak carried through the forest as clearly as if she were standing right next to me. All I wanted was to go to her. Stop her tears. Heal her hurt.
I took a step forward and then hesitated. Suddenly, I realized two things. The first was that I knew who she was crying for. She believed that Ren would stay behind with Durga.
When I’d taken on the role of my great aunt Saachi, Kelsey had confessed her feelings about Ren’s so-called heroic tendencies. What she didn’t know was that my brother much preferred the company of diplomats over warriors. The only reason he leapt into the breach time and time again was because he was crazy in love with my fiancée.
The second thing I realized was that my brother had been attuned to her and had heard her crying long before I’d even realized she was gone. His overblown sensitivity toward Kelsey verged on the irritating. Was I always to compete with my brother?
Shrugging off my insecurities over Ren, I listened to the woman I loved weep.
How can I leave her?
Another part of my mind whispered, How can I not?
The weight of the world suddenly seemed as if it fell upon my shoulders, and I was no Atlas with the strength to carry the load. I’d break under the burden.
Can I do this? Can I leave her?
I acknowledged the fact that she still loved Ren. Her feelings were obvious to anyone who saw them together, but I believed that, given enough time, she’d come to love me just as much, if not more. Remembering how devastated she was when Ren died, how heartbroken she felt when he didn’t remember her, and grudgingly, how she reached for him first when we’d rescued her from Lokesh left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Ren spoke then, distracting me from my thoughts, and said softly as he stared at the trees where she’d gone, “I can’t live without her, Kishan.”
So what does that mean? That I should just walk away? Forget happiness? Forget my future? Forget the family I longed for, the one I saw in vision?
Rubbing my hand over my jaw, I considered my brother. That he loved Kelsey was certain. If I stepped away, I knew he would make her happy. The question was…could Kelsey be happy without Ren?
I knew the answer in an instant.
No.
She’d try her best, but a part of her would always grieve for him.
The choice was suddenly obvious. The tiger that stayed behind would have to be…me.
Letting that idea sink into my mind was about as painful as being shot full of arrows. Hundreds of little hurts stung me at once. If someone had come along and yanked my beating heart from my chest, I would have thanked him for the favor. Even breathing hurt.
Phet glanced at me urgently once again and I nodded slightly.
Marveling that I had the strength to do it, I put my hand on my brother’s arm and said, “You won’t have to, brother. Just let me…let me say good-bye,” I murmured.
Ren turned surprised eyes on me, then gripped my arm as well. He nodded, with an expression of relief and gratitude.