No. I just shared your blame, much as I shared your pain before. In that way, it is diminished.
You didn’t need to do that, Ana, I said.
I had to, she answered softly. A goddess and her tiger are meant…meant to share everything.
Everything? I asked quietly, and hopped closer to her.
Yes. In doing this I was able to…to open your mind to new possibilities. She paused, then said, It was interesting, seeing it from your viewpoint. Poor girl.
Yes, I thought. Poor girl.
You loved her.
Not enough.
Enough to punish yourself for centuries. That speaks of a love that lasts through anything.
Does it? I asked. I wondered if that was true. Was my love for Yesubai epic? I didn’t think so. I didn’t know her. Not really. I was infatuated with her. Ready to marry her. But after loving and losing Kelsey, I had a new perspective. What could have been is never equal to what was or what is. Time changes everything.
Ana, as if reading my thoughts, added, Yesubai was a whirlwind caught up in the shadowy storm of a villain. You only felt the possibility of a life with her. The brush of the frenzied gale that was her life touched your cheek and changed you. You are a better man for having known her, Sohan. Do not regret her influence over your life.
Kelsey reached past us and took down the nest. My old self nearly touched me. I screeched in alarm and flapped away desperately.
She took her belongings from the nest, and we watched them as they gave us tokens, thinking we were upset. I looked down at the objects my old self left and, thinking about how he could have made use of them instead of giving them away, said, Why was I such an idiot?
I ask myself that question constantly, Ana replied and laughed as the two of us swept out of the nest and flew off toward the village of the Silvanae.
Chapter 30
Shrine of Air
We entered the village to find it much like I remembered, and I realized just how much time had passed. The trees were now much taller, their branches interlocking overhead. A feast was prepared for us, and Faunus himself bent over Ana’s hand after she transformed into the goddess Durga. Instead of allowing me to take my normal form, Ana changed me into the orange tiger.
“And how are our visitors faring?” she asked as fairies swarmed around her, touching her hair, and dozens of them perched on each and every one of her eight graceful arms. There had been twelve babies born of the trees the last time we were in the village, and now a thriving race of tree folk resided in the settlement.
Dozens and dozens had joined the ranks of the first babies that had been born. As I looked at the trees, I saw the telltale signs of old scars where branches had broken away to welcome the newborn villagers. The fairies no longer needed to watch over the young infants; instead, the elders of each house cared for the newborns. The role of the fairies had now changed. Rather than minding the younglings, they cared for the fauna and provided light for the people at night.
“Goddess,” the Silvanae people chanted as they bowed to her. “We have long awaited your return.”
Faunus answered Ana’s question. “They have been looked after as you instructed so many years ago.”
“Wonderful!” Ana said as she walked around the village, admired the huts, and touched the silver-haired heads of the young. Fairies whispered in her ears, causing her to laugh. Her one-sided conversations sounded delightful, and I wished I knew what they’d said to make her so happy.
The three nymphs who’d attended Kelsey, came up and asked Ana if she would like to bathe or eat. I remembered how appealing Kells had looked in her dress spun of flowers and wasn’t opposed to the idea of seeing Ana attired in a similar manner. I bumped against her leg, trying to encourage her.
“No, thank you,” she said. “Though we would be glad of some food to take with us on our journey. I do so enjoy your honey cakes.”
“Of course, Goddess.”
The Silvanae scrambled to produce a woven bag of honey cakes, a flagon of sweet water, and various pastries and fruits.
“Thank you,” she said, and passed the bag from hand to hand until she’d slung it across her shoulders. “We will depart now, but please call upon us if you have need of us. We promise to return to visit you again someday. Perhaps, next time, I will take some clippings for my own garden.”
The queen of the Silvanae said they would cultivate their prettiest flowers for just such a purpose and would wait upon our return. After a few last instructions regarding Kelsey and my former self, Ana stroking my head as she did so, she turned to leave, and I followed her down the path. When the last of the fairies trailed away, Ana changed back into her normal attire and said, “I’m going to miss this place.”
When I didn’t answer, she looked down and snapped her fingers. I morphed into my human form. “Have I said that I don’t care for the color orange?” I said.
Ana laughed and handed me a honey cake and a fat piece of fruit. As I popped the cake in my mouth, she touched my arm and we left the land of Shangri-La far behind. The colors of the beautiful land swirled around us and were replaced by a dim grayness. Ana handed me the flagon, and I took a long drink and began eating the fruit as she explored the dusty temple.
“Where is this place?” she asked as she licked her thumb.
“You don’t know?”
She shook her head. “I just told the amulet to take us to the next time and place on the list.”
Glancing around, it became clear immediately. “It’s actually fairly close to our mountain home. This is a temple of Durga in Nepal.”
“Is there anything special about this visit you wish to tell me?”
I rubbed my palm over my cheek as I considered. “Well, it was just me and Kells, this time. Kadam wasn’t here and Ren had been captured by Lokesh. He was languishing in that torture chamber.” Ana shivered delicately. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
She waved a hand. “I am fine, Sohan. Besides, hearing of it will not be as difficult as seeing it.”
“We’re going to see it?” I asked.
“It’s further down the list, but yes. We are the ones who will take his memory.”
Blowing out a breath, I walked over to where she stood, looking out a window at the night sky. I put a hand on her shoulder, and she surprised me by covering it with her own and turning to me. The moonlight washed over her face, and almost without thinking, I traced her cheekbones with my fingertips and said, “I like you better this way.”
“What way?” she asked.
“Just as yourself and not as the goddess.”
“Is it the arms that bother you?” she asked with a small grin.
“No.” I slid my hands down her arms, took her hands, and stepped back, considering them. I lifted one of her hands to my mouth and pressed a soft kiss against her wrist. “In fact,” I said quietly, “I have a few ideas about all those arms.”
She lifted an eyebrow. My eyes danced with hers, and slowly, I touched her jaw and cupped her neck. Stepping closer, I lowered my head, thinking to kiss her, but she sucked in a breath and turned away, her body trembling. At first I was confused but then my empty hands tightened into fists. Maybe she found me uninteresting after the time she’d spent with the sirens.
“Sohan—” she began, her back turned to me.
“Don’t worry about it, Ana,” I said stiffly. “I didn’t mean to distract you from your work.”