Taking note of this, Jarrod waved to one of the serving women. “Show your new lady to her room. You know which one.” He looked back to me, and his eyes were hard. “Rolf will be up later.”
Somehow, I met his gaze and nodded.
Then Miriam and I followed the serving woman out.
Thankfully, the room I was given, on the second floor of the single tower, was not entirely awful.
It was—or had been—a woman’s room. I’d wondered if the Volodanes would abide by noble customs that the lady of the house should have a room to herself, where her husband might visit when he pleased. Apparently, they did, as there was nothing in this room to suggest Rolf had ever slept here.
The furniture was old, faded, and in need of a polish, but the four-poster bed was large, with a thick, eyelet comforter. The dressing table was well crafted from rich-toned mahogany. A matching wardrobe stood beside it. A moth-eaten tapestry covered one wall. There was no fireplace, but two candles burned on a bed stand, providing sufficient light.
Walking to the dressing table, I gazed into the mirror and cringed, as I was more bedraggled than I’d realized. I looked like a drenched peasant girl.
Miriam stood in the center of the room, taking in the furnishings. There was a second small table on the far side of the bed sporting a basin and chipped pitcher. I briefly wondered if there was water in the pitcher, but then I saw Miriam’s face. She was pale and stricken.
“Oh, my lady,” she breathed. “Your mother couldn’t possibly have known.”
“Yes, she did,” I answered shortly. “Or she didn’t care.” I sighed. There was no use for either of us to stand there feeling sorry for ourselves. This was our home, and we had to make the best of it. One of my chests had been carried and set at the end of the bed. “See if I have a clean nightgown in there. I must get out of these damp clothes.”
She needed out of her damp clothes too, but one thing at a time.
Taking action of any kind took my mind off the impending outcome of this night. Miriam peeled off my dress and my shift and then helped me into a long white nightgown. I sat down at the dressing table and she used an extra blanket to rub my hair nearly dry before brushing it out. Soon, it sprang in its usual curls around my face.
Looking at her reflection in the mirror, I couldn’t help saying, “I’m sorry I begged you to come. I was a coward, fearing to be alone here.”
She continued brushing my hair. “I’d never leave you, my lady.”
Her devotion did not assuage my guilt.
Before I could speak again, the door opened, and Rolf stepped inside. He hadn’t bothered knocking. Though I didn’t turn, I could see in the mirror that he’d at least removed his armor and sword.
“You’d best go,” I told Miriam quietly, and then it occurred to me I had no idea to where she was supposed to go.
As if reading my face, Rolf said, “A small room’s been readied. One of the servants can show her.”
With a reluctant nod, Miriam hesitated for a breath and then fled, closing the door as she left.
I rose from my chair and turned. As opposed to looking at me, Rolf looked about the room in obvious discomfort. He was dressed only in a wool shirt and dark pants. Even without his armor, he made an imposing figure. But here in the candlelight of the room, his face was not unpleasant. Though his features were broad, they suited him, even to the bump at the bridge of his nose.
“Whose room was this?” I asked.
His eyes flashed to me, and his discomfort grew. “My mother’s.”
Finally, someone had made reference to her. I had no intention of letting this pass. “How did she die?” For I was certain she must be dead.
“In childbirth. With Kai.”
“Oh . . .” The ramifications of that began to set in. “So this place has had no lady for twenty years?”
He shook his head. It was indeed a house of men.
“Poor Kai,” I said without thinking.
His eyes were still on my face. “Why?”
“To grow up without any mother at all. No wonder he’s so angry.”
Rolf hard face softened slightly. “Sometimes, I think he blames himself, but none of us do.”
I realized then that Rolf cared for Kai, and this changed my opinion of him. At least he cared for someone.
As we fell silent once more, the tension in the room became palpable, and I realized something else. Rolf had no more desire to be placed in this situation than I did. Oh, he’d wanted me to choose him well enough. He thought it his due as the eldest brother. He’d wanted the connection to the house of Chaumont and all that went along with such a connection.
But maybe that was all he’d wanted, and now he was faced with the stark reality of a wife. His father most certainly expected the marriage to be consummated and for grandsons to follow soon.
Rolf wasn’t stupid though, and as these thoughts ran through my mind, he watched my face.
His own face hardened again, and he pointed to the bed.
A measure of fear settled in my stomach. While I knew I could not refuse him, I wasn’t entirely certain what was about to happen. My mother never spoke of such things. Still, there was nothing to stop it now, so I walked over and crawled under the comforter on the bed.
Rolf pulled his shirt over his head and got in beside me. I’d never seen a man without a shirt. His arms reminded me of tree branches.
For few moments, he did nothing and almost seemed to expect me to do something. If that were the case, he would be sorely disappointed. Finally, he sighed and leaned over and touched his mouth to mine. It was not unpleasant. It simply felt as if he was acting out a duty. I tried to respond, but wasn’t quite certain how.
Then I felt his hands on my sides, pulling up my nightdress.
Apparently, he did know what to do.
What followed was both invasive and uncomfortable, but it didn’t last long, and I had the distinct impression it wasn’t any more pleasant for him.
Once again, this was not an auspicious beginning to a marriage.
The next morning, I was relieved to awaken and find Rolf already gone.
Miriam brought me water for washing, and then she pulled the yellow muslin gown from a chest.
“No,” I said quickly. “I’ll wear my old blue wool. It’s warmer and I want to look like myself again.”
Though she hesitated and seemed on the verge of argument, she held back and fetched my favorite dress. It was a simple gown of blue-gray that had probably been washed too many times. It fit me well and laced up the front.
Once I was dressed, I had her weave my hair into its usual thick braid and I pushed the new shorter strands behind my ears. If I was the “lady of the house,” I should be allowed to dress as I pleased. Rolf probably wouldn’t care one way or another, and I had a good deal to accomplish today.
“I’m going down,” I told Miriam. “Would you mind sorting through these chests and putting my gowns in the wardrobe?”
I wasn’t entirely sure what the chests held as my mother had packed for me, but I’d managed to stash my blue wool when she hadn’t been looking.