“It would be cool to help someone get in shape for the pros. And, you’re right about not really needing me anymore.” He sighed and thought for a moment. “I should do it.” I gave him a pat on the back. I was proud of my little brother. I wanted more for him than just being my manager. “Now who is going to keep you in line?” He laughed.
“I think I might know someone.” I winked. I hadn’t told him yet, but I was feeling pretty confident about Nora being back in my life. Hoyt might have thought he was good at keeping me in check, but there was no one that kept my ass in line quite like that girl.
What am I doing? I thought as I lie in bed that night. I hadn’t been able to stop smiling since I’d left Reid’s house, and I hadn’t been able to fall asleep either. Was it stupid that I was giddy over the idea of being with him again? And, not just sleeping with him, not that I wasn’t excited about that part. If the kiss we’d shared was any indication of what was to come, then how could I not be? I meant actually being with him. Being his girlfriend again.
I felt switched on after years of living in the safety of numbness.
It was electrifying and terrifying all at once.
But… no risk no reward, right?
For the first time in seven years, I was starting to remember who I was and who I wanted to be. The feel of holding on to him on the back of that bike was so freeing and fun and everything I’d thought I didn’t want anymore. Turned out, I’d been completely lying to myself. I wanted to be—no. I was wild and carefree. I wanted to follow my passions and be spontaneous. Being buttoned up and boring was over.
Less than twenty-four hours had passed since I’d broken up with Beau and told Reid that I was single. I’d become so used to my slow, uneventful life, that with everything that was happening, I felt like I was moving at light speed. No matter how I tried to rationalize the situation the fact was, I wanted to be with him. The risk of having my heart broke again was still there, but it didn’t seem as scary as it had when he first came back to town.
I believed him when he said he would never hurt me and that he wanted a future with me. I hated that we’d spent five years apart, but I don’t know if the seventeen year old me was actually ready to commit her life to someone else. Maybe Reid had done us both a favor by ending things back then. Maybe we both needed to grow up a little and discover who we were as individuals before being a couple.
I wasn’t the same little girl that would have followed him around the world, no questions asked. I wanted a life with him, but I still wanted my own life—whatever it was. I was content with my real estate job, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to dig my old camera out of storage and give photography another shot. Reid had been living his dream, perhaps it was time that I started living mine.
I wanted to tell Reid about what I was thinking, that I was proud of him, that I was inspired by him, but stupidly I went home, when I could have spent the rest of the day and the night with him. I was worried about what people would think, but did I really care? Did I really need to put boundaries on what we had? It wasn’t doing anything but making me question what I felt and I didn’t want to do that anymore. I wanted to live in the moment and quit over thinking everything.