He adjusts himself in his pants like he’s proving a point, and I realize for the first time he’s actually hard. And we’re alone.
“None of us seem immune, and whoever you end up becoming most attached to…I don’t know if they could do as we’ve done in the past when it reached that point and simply walk away,” he says seriously. No bite to his tone. No snark infused to turn it into banter.
Just real, honest disclosure.
“Then the bond would likely sever, and three of us will roam with a missing piece and the inability to ever experience that one pleasure ever again. That is your treacherous step, even though you won’t admit it aloud. All I want you to do is really think about that. Think about what you’ll be destroying.”
I admit I wanted real talk, but now he’s just being boringly obtuse, and I can’t suffer another moment of it.
“If I wanted just one of you, I wouldn’t be here with you right now, worrying to death you’re being tricked or trapped by this girl you trust far more than me. My own jealousy stems to you at the moment, even though you’re certainly not my current favorite and haven’t been since that first night when you opened your mouth to speak and ruined the illusion of the bad boy who might make an exception for me.”
His lips twitch before he takes a sip of the alcohol again.
I’m a little curious what his chosen taste is.
“I don’t even particularly like you at the moment, yet I’d still stop my heart from beating if it meant saving yours from such a fate,” I add, daring him to argue.
I’ve done nothing but prove that time and time again.
“The ability to persuade a man to question everything he knows is by far the most devious trait about you, comoara tr?d?toare. And you have quite a few devious traits we overlook just to keep you around. Myself included. As I said, I’m not immune. It’s because of my fear of you dying that I—”
“Leveled up and turned the blind tribe to ash?” I ask, grinning. “That was really cool. But I still stand by my theory of the Four Horsemen. Clearly, you’re Death.”
He groans, draining the last of his drink before standing to pour more.
“This is why you’re infuriating. The fact you can’t even get your feelings hurt long enough to hate me back is—”
“Endearing?” I supply.
“Exhausting,” he counters, not sounding one bit happy.
“My feelings were only getting hurt in the beginning. When it was all of you against me. Ezekiel is my special boy because he was the first to gift me with hope. Kai is like a willful drug, because I truly enjoy the attention he pays me, even when he’s so surly he couldn’t possibly have a gentle bone in his body. Gage is my current favorite because I know without a doubt he finally sees me as what I am.”
He turns to me, his brow furrowing.
“And what is that?”
“All of yours,” I state as though it should be obvious.
His eyes heat for a second as he swallows harder than necessary, as though I just said some really magical words that he’s struggling not to believe.
“It’s clear I was designed just for the four of you. Whether or not I’m a Trojan Horse is beyond my knowledge. But even if I am such, I’ll destroy whoever wants to use me against you. My loyalties are sealed and undivided. The four of you are my only charge. If Lamar had been truly trying to hurt you, I would have burned his heart in his chest without blinking an eye. And I happen to like Lamar.”
We stare at each other, not speaking, just gauging the other like we’re back in our usual opposing spots on the chessboard.
Finally, he takes a seat again, his gaze flicking over me like it’s the first time he’s letting himself appreciate the sexy black gown I’ve chosen.
“If we’re stuck here, you could at least wear red for me. Kai is the one who prefers black,” he says as though it’s no big deal.
Instead of making my dress red, I change it to blue.
“That’s Gage’s favorite color,” he points out.
“Yes, and Gage is my current favorite. If you want to make requests, you need to at least try to be my favorite first,” I state absently, as though I can’t be bothered to think about the fact he doesn’t want to be my favorite.
He fights a grin even as he shakes his head and looks away from me. I think we work best when we’re not trying to be too real. Our banter is our medium. Things get too intense too quickly otherwise.
Same for all of them, really.
Gage was willing to risk their bond just to give me a pity fuck when I was so pathetically honest with him. It’s a tad embarrassing now that I look back on it.
I’ll make sure to withhold such pitiful stories in the future. I’d rather them not pity me at all.
I want their admiration instead.
That’s much harder to achieve, but the reward would be much better.
“I was wrong about why you hated me,” I tell him as he glances over at me. “Gage had his own theory, and he was wrong too. I was wrong about all of it. I thought I had you all figured out as we floated down that fiery lake on the back of that beetle.”
He just smirks.
“Then you tell me why you hate me over and over,” I say, shrugging. “But it’s all a lie. Not even Gage truly knows you, and he’s the closest to you.”
“I can assure you that I hate you just as much as I like you. You weren’t wrong about that.”
“Well, I guess it isn’t all a lie. But you’re not worried about me choosing favorites and riding off into the sunset with one, while destroying the other three.”
The confident smirk slips from his lips.
“You know I value your bond. You’ve seen me preserve it to the best of my ability. Albeit, I have understandable moments of weakness. I don’t even want you one-on-one. I’m selfish for wanting all four of you, while expecting to be the only one you want, but I’m not greedy. I don’t want more than that. Just the four of you. You know that. I can see it in your eyes,” I go on. “It’s why you like me.”
I can see him guarding himself, careful not to react.
“Maybe one day you’ll tell me the true reason you’re afraid of even taking this risk, when you’re the most reckless of the four. Your menace is half your charm, so it doesn’t scare me anymore that you hate me. I just want to know why.”
He leans back, swallowing.
“You couldn’t bring yourself to go against my wishes when I told you that you couldn’t touch me. Not after the trials. You bartered with Ezekiel, knowing I wouldn’t even hold it against him.”
I arch a challenging eyebrow at him.
“You know I don’t hurt the bond,” I say, as though hearing it aloud again makes him all the more intriguing. “So what scares Death himself?”
“The answer would be simple if you stopped to think about it,” he says so quietly I almost miss it. “You inspire a fear none of us have known before.”
He looks away, and silence descends around us for more uncomfortable hours. I stare at the ceiling, idly wondering what the other guys are up to.
“Does she ever plan to show up?” I ask him as he moves to the window to look out.