‘I killed people,’ I whisper, my voice breaking. ‘I didn’t want to, but he said … He said I had to stay away.’
‘Oh, goddammit,’ Leoben mutters, scraping a hand over his face. ‘Come on, Agatta, let’s get you out of here.’
He throws his arm round my shoulders and guides me into a building where we follow one hallway after another until I have no idea where we are. An apartment complex of some kind. Numbered white doors are set into the walls, lined with vacuum-style airtight frames. Most are closed, but some have been left open, giving me glimpses of the rooms inside. They’re tiny, with beds that fold into the wall and counters with jet-cookers and sinks, the occasional stack of dirty dishes. I see a boy my age sprawled on a beanbag, his eyes glazed over, watching a film in VR. He lets out a snort of laughter as we pass, and it hits me like a punch.
Every glimpse, every smiling face is another open wound.
How could my father keep me away from this?
Leoben guides me through an open door. ‘Dax booked us a couple of rooms, even though we’re not staying. This one’s marked for you and Cole. It, uh, it should have everything you need, and Dax and I are right down the hall. You can shower, get yourself together before we leave.’
I walk inside, looking around. Two bunk beds are set into the back, each with a curtain that slides closed to create a tiny private space. Another fold-down bed forms a couch near the door, opposite a kitchenette, and a tiny bathroom is tucked into the back.
Everything is just a little small, a little cramped, but there’s a bed and food and water. I could have been happy here.
Leoben shifts uncomfortably, standing in the doorway. ‘I guess we weren’t the only ones Lachlan screwed up. I sure as hell wouldn’t want him for a father. I’ll send Cole down when he’s finished debriefing.’
I nod, standing with my arms wrapped tight around my chest, swallowing hard against the rising pressure in my throat. Leoben leaves without another word, letting the door hiss closed behind him.
When he is gone, I finally let myself break.
CHAPTER 20
By the time Cole finds me, I’ve eaten, showered and dressed in clean Cartaxus clothes with my hair knotted in a plait down my back. My eyes are red rimmed, despite the ice-cold water I splashed on them in an attempt to hide the fact that I’d been crying.
I’m not crying any more. I’m angry. My shoulders are tight with tension, and I have to fight the urge to get up and run, to break something. I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor with my genkit and the musty folders of my father’s notes scattered beside me.
Cole barely glances at me as he hurries in from the hallway, drenched in the airlock’s disinfectant. He’s still annoyed at me for coming here. He avoids my eyes as he slides the door shut behind him, but his face goes white when he sees the folders on the floor. ‘Where did you get those?’
‘In the mines. Cole, I need you to tell me what my father did to you.’
He presses his hands to his eyes, drawing in a long, slow breath. ‘OK, but I need to shower first.’
He walks silently into the bathroom and shuts the door. I flick open Leoben’s file for a moment before closing it again. The notes inside still don’t make much sense to me, and seeing the photograph in the back of a young and frightened Leoben feels like an invasion of his privacy. He was just a child. They all were. My stomach churns at the thought.
Why the hell was my father studying them?
Cole soon emerges from the bathroom, dressed in fresh clothes, the sharp vanilla scent of Cartaxus’s soap rolling off his skin. He grabs a bottle of water from the kitchenette and sits down on the floor beside me, scanning the folders before picking up his own file. His face is impassive. It’s the same mask I’ve seen on him before, and I recognize it now for what it is: his way of dealing with too much pain.
‘I think these might be the notes we need to unlock the vaccine,’ I say. ‘The other boxes were just junk. This is the only one that stood out.’
Cole nods, staring at the photograph of himself as a boy, then flicks through the other folders, pausing for a long time on Jun Bei’s. ‘These are my family,’ he says finally. ‘This is … this is her.’
He hands me the file, open to a photograph at the back of a little girl glaring at the camera, her mouth twisted with rage. There are bandages across her chest, and scars creeping up her neck. The name below the picture reads Subject 1, Jun Bei Meng.
‘She was the strongest of us,’ Cole says. ‘She escaped three years ago. I never found out if she made it or not until you showed me those server results. I don’t know why she didn’t tell me, why she didn’t ask me to come. We were together. I thought we were in love, but maybe she thought I’d slow her down.’
He flips open the other files, arranging the five subjects in order on the table. Subject 2 is a blonde-haired girl called Anna, and Subject 3 is Ziana, a bald girl with skin so pale that you can see her veins through it. Subject 4 is Leoben, and Subject 5 is Cole, whose young face has haunted me since I first saw his photograph.
‘Ziana escaped during the outbreak,’ Cole says, rubbing his face. ‘And Anna’s been at another facility for most of the last year, with almost no contact. Leoben and I were the only ones left at the base in the end. We had nowhere to run, or we might have left too.’
I close my eyes. ‘My father …’ I say, trying to keep my voice calm. ‘What was he doing to you?’
Cole sighs. ‘I don’t know if you need to hear this, Cat. There are things that can’t be unheard, and this is getting into dangerous territory.’
‘It’s already dangerous, Cole. My father was experimenting on children. If you’re worried that I’ll hate him for this –’
‘That’s exactly what I’m worried about.’
‘Why would that matter to you?’
He reaches for my hand, taking it between his. ‘It matters because your father is the reason we’re doing this. We’re following a couple of his notes to do something we don’t understand, and it might put us all in danger. If you don’t have faith in the man he was, there’s no reason we should keep going.’
‘But you do? After all this, you still have faith in him?’
Cole nods, his face solemn. ‘More than anyone else on the planet.’
I pull my hand away and run it through my hair, leaning back against the lower bunk. ‘Cole, my father had secrets. I’ve always known that, and I guess maybe part of me didn’t want to know what they were. But I need to know now. I think this might be the key to unlocking the vaccine.’