‘I’m on my way.’ I hang up and race out of the office, nearly taking a startled Cherry from her feet on my way. ‘When did Ava leave?’ I ask urgently over my shoulder as I sprint past her.
‘Two thirty. The usual time.’ I fight my heart down from my throat, immediately dialling Ava as I run full pelt out of the health club. I land in the seat of my car heavily, and just like I dreaded, Ava’s phone goes to voicemail. ‘Fuck!’ I start my car and speed out of the car park, heading for the main road. Right or wrong, I skip the red light. I’m a thirty-minute drive from the school, twenty if I break the speed limit.
I try Ava’s phone again, but once again get her voicemail, and my worry deepens with every minute that passes and I can’t get hold of her. ‘Where are you, beautiful?’ I hear Ava in my head telling me that I’m neurotic. Maybe I am. But nothing will ease my panic until I see with my own eyes that she’s okay.
I join the road that’ll take me to the kids’ school, being able to pick up speed now the traffic is moving more freely. I try to pull up the app on my phone that tracks all our cars, but the damn thing won’t load. ‘Fuck!’ I dial Ava again, mentally demanding she answers. ‘Come on, come on.’
‘Hello?’
Relief. So much fucking relief. But the relief of actually getting an answer dies the second my brain registers that whoever has answered isn’t Ava. ‘Who’s this?’
‘Who’s this?’
‘I’m the husband of the woman whose phone you have,’ I state curtly, my patience now completely evaporated.
‘I apologise. The caller ID stated “the Lord”.’
‘Nickname,’ I mutter, slowly concluding that my silly wife has lost her phone and this lady has found it.
‘Mr Ward, is it? Your wife is Ava Ward?’
‘How do you know my wife’s name?’ She has her phone, not her life story.
‘Her driver’s licence.’
It all becomes clear. ‘She’s lost her bag.’ I sigh, more relief washing over me, yet my foot doesn’t ease up on the accelerator.
‘I’m afraid not, sir. My name is PC Barnes.’ She pauses for a few long seconds, giving me a moment to let that information settle. ‘Mr Ward.’ Her voice has noticeably softened. Dread fills me. My heart speeds up. ‘I’m on the scene of a road traffic accident, and I believe your wife is one of the casualties.’
My tongue thickens in my mouth. ‘What?’
‘Sir . . .’ Her words blend and warp, fading into nothing as I stare ahead at the road. An accident. Casualties. My wife. I see blue lights flashing in my mind’s eye, bright and frightening, making me blink to clear them. But they don’t fade and it takes me a second to figure out why. They’re not in my mind’s eye. They’re in the distance.
Everything’s a blur. Noise, movement, my heartbeat.
I hear the sirens.
I hear my car screeching to a stop.
I hear my car door slamming behind me as I eject myself from my seat.
I hear my feet pounding the road as I sprint towards the carnage up ahead, seeing Ava’s mangled Mini upended on the opposite side of the road.
‘Oh my God.’ I choke. Every window is shattered; the two front tyres are missing, ripped from the body of the car. Skid marks zigzag the tarmac of the road before abruptly ending.
My world starts spinning, my breathing slowing. Crowds of people are blocking my path, and I fight my way through, shoving them to the side as I try to make it to the centre of the madness. ‘Please, no,’ I wheeze, staggering mindlessly through the throngs of spectators. ‘Please, God, no.’
A rough, broken sob rips through my body when I catch sight of the gurney, and my legs buckle, bringing me to my knees. ‘No!’ Straps circle her body, a breathing mask over her face. Blood is everywhere. She looks utterly broken, so fragile and damaged. My heart shreds in my chest. ‘God, no.’ The closer I get to her, the more damage I see.
‘Sir, move aside!’ a paramedic yells, wheeling Ava towards an ambulance.
‘I’m her husband,’ I tell him, scanning her body, trying to comprehend the amount of blood soaking her. Her head is the worst, her long dark hair drenched in red. ‘Is she going to be okay?’ It’s all I can think to ask, and it’s instinctual, because I don’t know if anyone could be okay with this much blood loss. And when I get no answer from any of the rushing paramedics, it becomes clear that they agree with me. A lump in my throat expands as I jog alongside the gurney, tears brimming in my eyes. Her beautiful face is drained of colour underneath the blood coating nearly every inch of her skin. ‘Hold on, baby,’ I demand softly. ‘Don’t you dare leave me.’
‘Mr Ward?’
I look across the bed, seeing a female police officer holding Ava’s bag.
‘PC Barnes. We spoke.’
I nod, casting my eyes back to the ambulance where Ava is being hooked up to all kinds of machinery. ‘She didn’t show up to pick up the kids from school,’ I whisper in a daze of ruin.
‘Mr Ward, come with me. We’ll follow the ambulance.’
‘No, I’m going with Ava.’ I shake my head, harshly wiping away the tears.
‘Mr Ward.’ PC Barnes steps forward, her face soaked in sympathy that I just can’t handle. It’s wasted, because Ava’s going to be okay. Damn it, she’s going to be okay! I look away from the police officer, seeing urgent hands working on her lifeless body. ‘Your wife is in critical condition, Mr Ward. You need to give the paramedics space to do their thing. I’ll get you to the hospital just as fast.’
I close my eyes, praying for some stability in my breaking world. This isn’t the time to be throwing my weight around, though I’m desperate to go on a rampage until someone tells me she’s going to be okay. She has to be okay. I can’t exist without her. The thought alone punches a hole through my chest, and I’m forced to bend and brace my hands on my knees to breathe through the bolts of pain attacking me.
‘Mr Ward?’
I swallow and nod as I stare at the ground, my stomach turning. I could throw up. ‘Okay.’ I breathe, trying to focus on getting air into my lungs. But in my current state, I’m not capable of focusing on anything but my prayers.
‘This way.’ PC Barnes rests her hand on my forearm, gently coaxing me from my daze. But it’s the slam of the ambulance doors that brings me back to the circus surrounding me. I walk with purpose towards the police car, looking back at the mangled mess of metal that was Ava’s Mini. ‘I’ll have a colleague bring your car to the hospital. Do you have the keys?’
I mindlessly tap my pockets down in search of them. ‘They’re in the car,’ I mutter.
‘And you mentioned your children, Mr Ward. Would you like me to have someone collect them?’ She opens the passenger door for me, and I fall into the seat.
‘The twins,’ I say to the windscreen. ‘I said I was on my way. They’ll be wondering where I am.’ I start to rummage through my pocket for my phone. ‘Ava’s friend. I’ll call Ava’s friend.’
I dial Kate without thinking, so when she answers, I’m totally unprepared for what to say and my throat closes up on me, leaving Kate calling my name repeatedly in prompt. What do I say? Where do I start?
‘Jesse, are you there?’ she asks, now full-blown worried. ‘Hello? Jesse?’
PC Barnes gets into the car beside me and looks across at me, where I’m static, my phone hanging limply in my hand.
I cough, clearing my throat, but no matter how hard I try to speak, nothing comes. I can’t talk. Can’t speak the words. Can’t tell Kate that her friend looks like she’s at death’s door. The blood. So much blood. ‘It’s Ava . . .’ My words fade, my eyes clouding over again. ‘I . . .’
PC Barnes takes my phone and switches on her sympathetic, professional tone, speaking calmly as she explains to Kate without too much detail that Ava has been involved in an accident and the twins need to be picked up from school. I hear Kate’s gasp. I hear her agree without question or prying into details of Ava’s condition. She knows.