He stares beyond the window again, like he did when talking about his mum.
My thoughts are a stampede. Why would anyone want to hold on to such anguish? It’s a cruel punishment of the self. Then I remember the list of symptoms I just reviewed. Guilt. But what could he have possibly done to think he deserves this? How can I ever ask him without catapulting him to some horror that already holds him prisoner? A pain different than what I’ve felt before lacerates my insides. For my parents, I hurt because I’m mourning. But for him, I hurt because he is alive, yet buried.
I stand and pad over to him. “Look at me,” I say.
He meets my eyes. Purple to sapphire blue. I don’t blink as layer by layer, the darkness retreats and my calmness takes over. When the blue is bright again, I turn my head to the side and strike the pose from my painting.
He smiles and shakes his head. “What am I going to do with you?”
Be with me, make love to me until we both drop, lock us away because with you, that would be paradise. “Spend some time with me.” I pick the thing that will hopefully freak him out the least.
He shakes his head, ready to strike again. “Absolutely not. Time leads to opportunity, opportunity leads to you getting injured or worse, dead.” He shouts the last word.
“I still want to try.” Apparently, I’ve gone mental but I’d rather take a chance than be just a portrait.
He runs his hand through his hair, teeth clenched, like he is trying to contain a roar. “That’s because—you don’t—understand—what it would be like.” He speaks slowly, like he cannot trust himself to release his jaw.
I take his face in my hands. “Then show me.”
“What?”
“Show me what it would be like, and then we’ll both know if we can do this.”
He pulls my hands away from his face. “An experiment with your fucking life? Have you lost your fucking mind? Did something happen to you these last two days that I don’t know about or did I fuck your common sense out of your brain?” He is yelling now. Straight to dragon. So loud is his voice that Calico hops on the kitchen window and presses his whiskers against the glass, peering in.
At the same time, the door bursts open.
“Isa!” Reagan roars.
Oh, bloody hell! Oh no, she’s home early! She will lose it. He will lose it. Maybe I should hide him? Maybe I should hide her? Where is my calming effect? Too late. She turns the corner.
She takes in the scene, her green eyes wild. They zoom straight on Aiden and narrow to slits. Her hair achieves a level of sentience, red curls whipping out in static. She drops her purse on the floor. Her lips twist in a sneer and a low, hissing sound rises from her. Calico paws at the window.
I turn in terror to look at Aiden. He’s not here. But the dragon is. Tall, straight, every exposed muscle flexed ominously. His teeth are locked, eyes glowing. I open my mouth to speak but Reagan explodes.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Instinctively, I plant myself between her and Aiden. “Reagan, sweetheart, listen to me—”
“Get behind me, Isa,” she roars and starts prowling toward us.
Oh, bollocks! “Reagan, please, he is here for me. Just—”
“What the fuck is your serious defect, Aiden Hale, huh?” she screeches. “Did you come here to gloat? Are you sick of your dick and need free castration services? Or do you have a painful death wish?”
“Reagan, stop!” I call but I might as well be talking to ICE. She takes another step forward, blowing her hair out of her face. I’m too afraid to look at Aiden so I run to her and take her hand. “Reagan, we worked things out. Let’s just—”
She tears her eyes from her prey and focuses on me. She leans in so close to my face that we are almost nose to nose, both cross-eyed. Then she finally sees my robe. Her eyes widen as she sniffs out the real traitor.
“Isa!” she shrieks, looking at me like I just escaped a mental institution. “This is the dragon!” She points at Aiden, lest there is any doubt she might be talking about Calico. “This is the asshole who took your virginity and kicked you out!” Before I can even breathe, she turns on him again.
“Is that your ‘schtick’ huh?” She makes quotes in the air. “I’m Aiden Hale, I can fuck whoever I want.” She tries to imitate his voice. “She’s seen enough pain, you…you…you slut.”
Oh my God! “Reagan, enough!” I yell, yanking her hand. I sneak a peek at the dragon, terrified he will roast her alive or fly out of the window. But the dragon has left. Aiden is back, still tall and hypervigilant, but the rage has dimmed in his eyes. The moment he catches my eye, he smiles. A small, tight, reassuring smile.
“Why don’t you get dressed and we can go to my place?” he says, his voice even.
“Go? Go! GO?” Reagan screeches as though going anywhere with Aiden should be a crime punishable by severe and painful scratching. He does not answer her.