Those moments went by in slow motion. I will never forget it. It felt like a ride on a roller coaster I’d never willingly take. One second Mark and Johnny were yelling, the next the car tire’s screeched, the glass next to me shattered and we toppled over and over. Debris flew all around us. My ball cap fell off my head with the impact of the car rolling; my unzipped backpack flipped upside down, Sun Chips from a half-eaten bag tumbled out around me along with my cap and all that broken glass. It took only seconds for my life to change, then.
Only seconds again, now, as my mother’s violent cursing echoed down the stairs.
“You son of a bitch!”
I didn’t have to look at Aly; we moved together like a dance—me breaking away from her, her holding onto my arm as we flew up the stairs and then Aly was with Makana, holding her back, me taking Koa’s arm when we found my little brother and sister sitting next to our parent’s bedroom looking frightened and utterly confused as angry words continued to pound against that closed door.
“Kunāne, why are they yelling at each other?” I couldn’t take the fear in my little sister’s voice. I couldn’t bear to see the glassy blinks Koa made, fighting to keep himself from crying. They had no idea what this was. Thirteen years our parents were together, living each and every day as though they were a blessing. To Mom and Dad, every day had been a blessing, all of them. They’d been given another chance at the life they wanted together. The life that anger and fear and betrayal had nearly stolen from them. Mack and Koa had only ever seen the good between them. Until now.
“Kunāne,” Mack said again and it only took one nod at Aly from her to understand these kids didn’t need to hear this shit. Aly reached out to pull Mack and Koa toward her. She ushered the children back down to the stairs where the shouting would be less acute.
“I was protecting you! All of us!” Kona shouted back, sounding weak and defeated despite the rise of his tone. “Can’t you see that? Baby, you know I would never…”
“I don’t know shit, you bastard! How could you do this?”
Fear kept me powerless. I closed my eyes, praying that this would come to a quick resolution, debating if I should keep my nose out of this or barge my way through that closed door. Despite the debate, all I could recall in those brief seconds was the memory of my mother being alone. All the times Mark and Johnny tried to get her to go out and the brief times they succeeded only to have Mom return before midnight, sliding in the bed next to me as though she wanted me to know she hadn’t left me, not really. And all the times I lay in my bed, listening to her pray on the other side of those paper thin walls, begging God that she could be happy again. That he would somehow find his way back to us. I’d never asked who that he had been. I only knew the man she prayed for had to be remarkable. He’d have to be to earn her love and loyalty.
But the screams and curses coming from the other side of that door I leaned against sullied those memories. They diminished those prayers. I had my hand on the handle, ready to turn it until their exchange froze me where I stood.
“Is it true?”
“How did you find out?”
“Was I not supposed to?”
“How, dammit!”
“Cass told me. He has a friend who works in PR for ESPN.”
“Of course he does. That son of a bitch.”
“Is it true? The child is yours?”
“Baby…”
“Is it fucking true?”
I felt sick. Bile rose quick, clogged my throat as I waited to hear Kona’s answer. When it didn’t come, when my mother’s tears did instead, I turned the knob, not surprised when neither of my parents looked at me. Even in this heartache, they were the center of each other’s world. Mom covered her face with her hands, shaking and sobbing as Kona seemed to debate reaching for her. Around them on the floor were papers, print outs of emails from the look of them, but I didn't stop to read them.
“It is,” Mom whispered, huddling against herself, arms moving to wrap themselves around her waist as she continued to cry. I knew that expression. She wasn’t sad. She was in a rage so blinding that tears were the only thing she could use as a release. I took a step, ready to pull her back if she went at him. “Tell me.” The demand came out low, but menacing. She angrily wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand, lifting her chin as she looked at my father. “You tell me right now.”
Kona ground his teeth, eyes narrowed as he watched her, like cornered animal. “When we broke up, Simone was on her period. I remember because…well, it doesn’t matter why I remember. It’s been fourteen years, baby. Why the hell would she come back now after all this time trying to claim I got her pregnant?
“Why didn’t you tell me?”