No time for excuses, then.
“I didn’t like waking up alone.” Ethan had never shown me anger. There had never been a time in the short months that I knew him that would warrant him being truly mad. He was then. It showed up in the pinch of his eyes, how he locked his jaw tight. He moved slowly, irritated, but rational enough to know he shouldn’t lose his temper. Always thinking, that man. Always in control. Always fair and logical. Me zanmi, he was my own little Spock. “I especially didn’t like waking up alone, missing you, still smelling you on my sheets and you not there for me to touch.”
It was stupid, useless, but I lied anyway. “I…couldn’t sleep.”
“Jesus, Aly, you’re a terrible liar.”
I’d admitted the truth to myself but that didn’t mean I liked Ethan calling me on it and when we only managed to stare at each other, waters being testing, as though waiting to see who would jump in first, I decided I could at least give him enough rope to save himself.
“Ethan…”
But he didn’t seem eager to let me explain or do more than watch him as he approached, moving his body close enough to touch me, but staying just back enough that I could move away from him if I wanted. Ethan was always a diplomat.
He lifted his hand, extending it to me and I only hesitated for a second before I took it, earning a smile from him. “Tell me what happened. Did I spook you?”
His expression remained stoic, serious even when I waved my ring at him. “If this didn’t spook me, nothing will.”
“It was the first time you let me touch you. Really touch you.” He ignored my joke completely, holding my hand to his chest.
“Yes. It was.”
“It…was…” Ethan seemed distracted, as though the stroke of his finger between my fallen curls around my face was something he did unconsciously. “Was that the first time anyone other than Ransom touched you?”
There was a warning in his voice I didn’t like, something that made my stomach tighten, but couldn’t quite place where that sensation came from. Ethan had a right to know these things, I supposed. I had agreed to marry him and even if I hadn’t meant it when I said yes, we were still in a relationship. There were slivers of details he had a right to know. “He didn’t take my virginity, Ethan.”
“Have you let anyone else touch you since you left him?” When I didn’t speak, Ethan nodded. “I thought so.” That streak of anger left his features just then and he seemed to relax, pulling on my arm to bring me close, touching his forehead to mine as he ran his long fingers up the back of my neck. “I pushed.”
“I jumped.”
“Aly…” I shook my head, interrupting him but Ethan was insistent. “I hate that I can’t apologize.” He lost all seriousness then, finally laughing when my gaze jumped to his face. “I liked it too much.” He moved slowly at first, like the world had been reduced to a sleepy sloth’s pace, a warning of what he intended. Then the kiss came and when it did, there was no gentleness, no slowness at all. Like every time before, Ethan’s mouth worked hard, eager and desperate to take all that I would give. He acted starved, his body so hungry to feast on me. “I’ve never tasted anything like you. I wanted to keep at it, keep tasting you because, Aly, I don’t think I’ll ever be full. Not of you.”
“Ethan, wait…” But he wouldn’t, didn’t seem able to keep his hands from my hips or his mouth from my nipple as he brought me to the floor. “Modi.” That was all plea, but to who, I wasn’t sure. The sensation overwhelmed me. God, Ethan was damn good at distraction and it began to work, like it had last night, with him tugging against my clothes, seeming so desperate to have me naked right there on my studio floor.
He nearly had my top off while his free hand made quick work of my dance pants, pulling at the waist, rubbing the ball of his hand over my pussy. It was awkward and hot and uncontrollable like something two teenagers would get up to the first time they were without supervision. Like Tristian and the girls he brought to my apartment before I moved in. God. Why had I thought of that? It led me away from the moment. Away from Ethan.
It led me to Ransom and that tiny loft apartment above Leann’s old studio. And all the times we were together there.
Modi.
Ethan didn’t seem to notice how straight my limbs became or the way I tried pulling away from him. It wasn’t until he went for my mouth again and I shook my head, then pushed him off me that he finally got the hint.
“What is it?”