“Because you are, Gabs.” Claire put her hand on her shoulder. “And I’m talking about the real you.”
Gabby rolled her eyes. “You have to say that! You’re my best friend. But we both know there are things in my life that are awful.” She shook her head. “You don’t know how hard these last few years have been for me, Claire. Tony makes me forget all of that bad stuff. He makes me feel happy, and if—I mean when”—she corrected herself—“I tell him the truth, he’s going to leave me and I’m going to be alone again, with nothing.”
As Sadie happily tossed her food around, Claire leaned over and rubbed Gabby’s back. “Even with the little hiccups in your life, you’ve managed to stay strong and you haven’t lost what makes you you. Tony didn’t fall in love with you because you’re in college; he fell in love with you because you’re smart and he likes hanging out with you. And if you’re worried about him judging you for your mom’s situation, then quite frankly, I don’t think he’s worth it.”
Gabby shook her head. “I don’t really think it’s a coincidence that the one I don’t tell ends up proposing to me. Every guy I’ve told previously has run away.” The words were painful to say aloud.
Claire’s voice sharpened. “It doesn’t matter. You have to tell him, Gabs. Your mom’s eventually gonna get out of jail, and then what? You’re gonna cut her out of your life? You know you can’t do that. And what if you really do want to go to school one day? Isn’t he going to wonder why you’re getting your degree twice?”
“I know all of that! I know I need to tell him,” Gabby said. “I just don’t know how.”
Claire cocked her head to the side. “You just have to be honest with him. Promise me you’ll do it the next time you see him.”
Gabby nodded, sniffling. As awful as the truth was, the viselike grip around her chest was finally beginning to lessen. She’d been carrying this lie alone for so long. “I will. After Thanksgiving.”
“Okay, good.” Claire patted her on the back. “And I know you’re nervous, sweetie, but I truly believe that everything goes according to God’s plan. If Tony doesn’t want to be with you after this, it wasn’t meant to be.” Sadie began to fuss again and Claire stood up, grabbing her out of her high chair, and bouncing her on her hip.
“But what if he’s my soul mate, and I screwed it up?” Gabby asked, standing up and going back to work on the dough.
“Well, worst-case scenario, you learn from this. Just remember, if he can’t handle the truth, then he’s not worthy of you. You deserve the best, Gabs. Don’t settle for anything less.”
Those words echoed in Gabby’s head as she rolled the dough between her hands. “You deserve the best. Don’t settle for anything less.” She could only hope that Tony didn’t live by that mantra.
15
claire
AFTER GABBY LEFT, Claire’s own advice to her kept repeating in her head. “You deserve the best. Don’t settle for anything less.” It hurt that her husband had been going to a strip club, yes. But what was worse was that he’d been lying to her. She didn’t deserve that.
When she finished baking the final batch of cookies, she packed Sadie in her carrier and drove a few miles up the road, turning into the Sunnybrook apartment complex where her mom lived.
Her mom looked worried when she opened the door. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
With Sadie’s carrier in hand, Claire brushed past Jillian and made her way to the floral couch. It was the same one that she had cried on through her parents’ divorce, two high school breakups, one fight with Gabby, and the slight panic attack over a catering snafu before her wedding.
“I’m a total wreck, Mama,” she confessed, setting Sadie’s car seat on the ground.
Jillian sat down, her forehead wrinkling in concern. “What happened, sweetie?”
As she told her mom about seeing Gavin at The Saddle last night, she felt disgusted with him, with herself, with their marriage. She could taste the salt from her tears by the time she finished.
“Just tell me it’s gonna be okay,” Claire pleaded between sobs.
Her mom hugged her tight. “I’m sure it’s all just a big misunderstanding.”
“How could it be a misunderstanding?” Claire said, pulling away from Jillian. She put her feet onto the brown leather footrest that used to be in her granny’s house before she passed away. She and Madison would use it to build sheet forts as kids. Life was so much easier when the biggest drama was Granny yelling at them for playing with her good bed linens. “I saw it myself. What am I supposed to do?”
“You’ve gotta talk to him,” Jillian said, thrusting a quilted Kleenex box at Claire. “Find out what’s really going on.”
Claire blew her nose and glanced over at the bookcase, where a framed photo of them on their wedding day sat. Gavin had seemed so sincere when he said his vows in front of God and all their family and friends. What had changed? “What if he’s just . . . bored with me?” she asked, voicing her worst fears.
Jillian stroked her daughter’s hair. Her hands smelled like lavender and eucalyptus, the lotion she’d been wearing all of Claire’s life. “Take control of your marriage. It isn’t easy. You’ve gotta work at it all the time.”
Claire’s chin started to wobble again and she swallowed, fighting back more tears. “How? What can I do?”
Jillian paused, as if debating whether or not to say something, and then stood up. She walked over to the bookcase and opened the cabinet, pulling out a DVD. “Here’s my favorite aerobics video. Start with this,” she said, handing it to her daughter.
Claire bristled and handed the DVD back to her mom. Was Jillian telling her she was . . . fat? “I highly doubt that a workout video made fifteen years ago is gonna save my marriage. And maybe I’m naive, but doesn’t being in a committed relationship mean loving your partner regardless of how they look?”
“Honey . . .” Her mom sat back down next to her and grabbed Claire’s hands. “I’m not saying he’s stopped loving you. I just wish someone would’ve given me advice like this—before it was too late.”
Claire shook her head, confused. “What do you mean? Daddy didn’t go runnin’ off to a strip club. . . .”
Jillian pursed her lips. “No, he just ran off with Nancy Martin instead.”
“Wait—Daddy had an affair?” Claire’s stomach went into free fall. When her dad had left, her mom had told her he couldn’t handle the responsibility of being part of a family anymore. The fact that he’d chosen someone else over them made her feel physically ill.
Jillian brushed her blond hair off her forehead, her cheeks reddening. “You were too young to know the truth, and as you got older, I didn’t want to color your opinion of your father. And honestly, I was embarrassed by it. I’d been so focused on raising you that I completely neglected our marriage.”