That Stops Him Cold
He doesn’t say anything for a long
few seconds. Finally, he nods.
I see how you might think so.
I knew last night bothered you.
Here’s the thing. I absolutely
have the ability to hurt someone.
But other than sanctioned Golden
Gloves matches, I’ve never gone
looking for a fight. I will defend
myself if I must, or someone who
can’t defend themselves if they’re
in trouble. But I would never, not ever in my lifetime, strike a woman unless she was out for my blood,
and capable of drawing it. And
hitting my own child? Impossible.
“Lots of parents hit their kids,
Gabe.” Still sticking up for Dad?
That doesn’t make it right. Don’t
ever believe abuse is okay. It’s not.
Abuse?
I’m not abused.
Am I?
Dad’s only hit me a few times.
Open-handed.
And only when I deser— Wait.
I really was thinking deserved it.
But that’s not right.
I never deserved it.
Never deserved his ugly words, either.
Not to mention what happened tonight.
Oh my God.
I’m a mess.
“Hey, Gabe.
You’re right.
But can we
please talk
about something else right now?”
I’m bending.
Don’t want to snap in half.
He senses as much.
Okay. Like what?
Thinking. Thinking.
Oh, right.
I’ve got it.
“Hillary.”
His Adam’s apple bobs when
he swallows.
How did . . .
Zelda told you.
“She told me first.
Dad confirmed.
Guess I was the last one to know, huh?
Stupid me.”
Stupid
abused
me.
He Starts to Sputter
So I relieve him a little.
“Hey. It’s okay. I get it.
I just wish you would
have told me yourself.
I really felt like an idiot for not noticing. Walking around with my eyes
shut, as Pops used to say.”
I’m sorry, Ariel. Truly I am.
That’s what I wanted to talk about after the game today.
It blew me away how hard she and I hit it off. I mean, we have so little in common, and . . . Are you mad at me?
“For what? Not like either of us made any promises
to each other. I’ll admit I was a little hurt at first, mostly because it felt like you were sneaking around.
I never hid Monica from you.”
Did you ever tell her you and I had sex? Point-blank, he calls me out. Deservedly.
“No. But I plan to. Tonight.
It’s the right time for honesty.”
The Exchange
Is a good one. We come away
from it still friends, only no longer
with privileges. Okay by me.
I’ve got way too many supersize
complications to deal with anyway,
not to mention a small one or two.
“So . . .” I begin as he pulls up in front of Monica’s house. “I’m supposed to
be at work by eight tomorrow morning.
It’s kind of early to bum a ride, I know, but I’m not sure who else to ask. Syrah might be able to, but she’d hate me.”
You’re planning on exercising horses tomorrow when your face looks like that? Might not be a good idea. I can tell— “I already missed today, and I’m going to need the money. The horses won’t
care how my face looks, anyway.”
But maybe you’re, you know, brain damaged or something. He grins.
More brain damaged, that is.
“Very funny. It’s just a knot, and I’ve always heard the real problems stem
from bumps that push in, not out.”
If you say so. Okay, I’ll pick you up at seven thirty, drop you off, and do something about your car. Sound good?
“Sounds early and generous and kind, and . . .
thank you. I’m lucky to have you
in my life, even with Hillary attached.”
He’s quiet for a moment. Remember a while back when I told you I didn’t care who you loved? That wasn’t true.
I might have thought it was then, but once we spent some time together I realized I wanted you all to myself.
You were truthful with me. I should’ve returned the favor. Who knows?
Things might be very different now.
I really don’t have the right to say this, but your honesty is one of the best things about you. Don’t let go of it in favor of the easy way out. Lies tend to creep up and bite you in the ass.
I’m proof of that, and on a much larger scale, so is your dad. I don’t know what he told you, but I listened in on Zelda and your mom. Have you spoken to Maya?
I Assure Him
That I have not in a tone
of voice that denies the fact that we’re as close as we are— or used to be. Were we?
“I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know why she has
to show up now and make
a total disaster of my life.”
Force of habit, or honest
affection, he laces our fingers together. I know this came as a surprise. But while you’re thinking about your life, have you considered hers?
I yank free. “You calling
me selfish? Because here’s
the thing. I’ve never, not ever, had that opportunity.
What, in my lifetime,
has given me anything
to hold on to, to fight for?
The only valuable object
I’ve ever owned is the car