Emily snorted. “I doubt it,” she said. “I bet he was just trying to get into your panties.” She heaved an enormous sigh, like she’d suddenly been tasked with the role of giving me a piece of advice. “Trust me. I know James.”
As much as I wanted to doubt every word spilling out of Emily’s collagen lips, I couldn’t help but feel a shred of doubt. She and I were obviously nothing alike.
What was James doing with someone like me?
“Well, I’m getting to know him,” I said. “And I think you’re wrong. James likes me.”
“Sure he does, honey,” Emily said sarcastically. “Just as much as you like his money.”
The anger that had been building slowly inside of my chest snowballed into pure wrath. I glared at Emily, hating everything about her.
“You know?” I asked, leaning in close.
“What?” Emily giggled. So did her entourage. “What is it?”
“Fuck you,” I said. Emily and her friends gasped, and I could tell she wanted to slap me. But I didn’t give her the chance. Turning on my heel, I ran out of the museum and into the cold Boston night.
When I got home, Danielle was in the kitchen with a book and a bowl of pasta. Suddenly, the idea of eating noodles, red sauce, and parmesan sounded like the best thing in the world…even better than the caviar and filet mignon I’d left behind at the art museum.
“What happened?” Danielle yawned and looked down at her watch. “Hanna, it’s like, eight o’clock. What the fuck are you doing back? Was the party really that lame?”
I sighed.
“And don’t lie,” Danielle said. “Want some pasta?”
I nodded wordlessly.
“Eat up,” Danielle said. She got to her feet and made me a bowl, adding extra parmesan just the way she knew I liked it. “And when you’re done eating, you spill. Okay?”
I nodded again, feeling stupid. Without even changing out of Danielle’s cocktail dress, I flopped down on the couch and ate the whole bowl of pasta until my stomach was full and the hole in my heart was starting to feel just a little better.
“So,” Danielle said when I was done as she took the empty bowl and put it in the sink. “What happened?”
“Danielle, I don’t belong there,” I said, shaking my head. “Not with those people. And I don’t know what James is thinking…am I some kind of novelty to him? Or like, a fixer-upper project?”
Danielle laughed. When she saw the look in my eyes, her giggles died and she bit her lip.
“No, Hanna, you’re not a project,” she said firmly. “It couldn’t have been that bad. Probably just a bunch of rich, jealous bitches.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said doubtfully. I sighed. “It was really bad, D…I almost cried, can you believe that?”
Danielle blinked. “Jesus, what the fuck did they say to you?”
I shrugged. “You know. The garden variety of socialite insults. Called me fat, poor, slutty. Said my dress – sorry, your dress – was much too tacky for an event like the party. Told me James didn’t want anything from me but sex.”
Danielle laughed. “They’re jealous,” she said confidently. “You look amazing in that dress…and I have to give you props for not spilling any marinara sauce,” she added, raising an eyebrow.
I flushed. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I should’ve changed. I know that.”
“Look, Hanna – Christmas brings out strange emotions in everyone,” Danielle said. She sighed. “And those bitches were just angry for no reason.”
“But what if they’re right?” I asked morosely. The happy, warm comforting feeling from the massive amount of carbs I’d just ingested was starting to fade. “What if James only wants sex?”
“Babe, he met you in another country…and then spent a year looking for you,” Danielle said gently. “You can’t seriously think he’s just interested in sex, can you?”
“Well, I don’t want to think that,” I said stubbornly. “But what if it’s true? We have nothing in common.”
Danielle frowned. “That’s not true.”
“What, then?”
“Well,” Danielle said, laughing a little. “You both work at Magnate Group.”
I rolled my eyes. “Very helpful,” I said.
“It’s true,” Danielle said.
I bit my lip. “I just…I don’t know what I’m doing. Hell, I shouldn’t even be dating him at all! He was my boss until like, a week ago…and now, just because he’s not my boss still doesn’t mean this is right.”
“I know you really like him,” Danielle said softly. “And I’m happy for you. But if you’re going to go all in for this, you need to go all in. You can’t always be standing with one foot out the door, waiting for him to fuck up.”
I sighed. “Maybe I’ll take the weekend and think about it,” I said slowly.
“You may as well,” Danielle replied. She yawned. “Besides, it’s Christmas.”
I looked out the window. The weather had been sunny and clear earlier, but now that it was dark, it was starting to snow. I shivered.
“It doesn’t feel like Christmas,” I said, shaking my head. “Not at all.”
***
James called twenty-two times over the weekend. I didn’t leave the apartment – hell, I barely left my room. Danielle cajoled and pleaded – first for me to come with her to her parents for the holiday, then to go out with her friends when she decided to stay home.
“You should at least call your family,” Danielle said. “I mean, I bet they miss you.”
I frowned. “I don’t know. I think they’re probably all busy.”
Danielle leaned against the doorway and shrugged. “Up to you,” she said. “At least come out and watch a movie with me – I got Chinese on the way.”
I didn’t want to be hungry. Part of me felt like I should be in mourning. I still hadn’t decided what to do about James, and I went back to work in just two days.
“Okay,” I said reluctantly, getting up and lumbering into the living room where Danielle had built a pillow nest on the couch.
“Have you decided what you’re gonna do?”
“Not until I talk to him.”
“Well, you can’t very well do that if you keep ignoring his calls,” Danielle said evenly. She met my gaze as she reached for a beer and popped off the cap.
“I don’t feel like talking to him now,” I said.
Danielle rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “Just eat some lo mein and don’t think about him. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
Except, I didn’t feel better in the morning. I felt worse. I couldn’t stop replaying the night of the party in my head. Emily’s perfect couture dress, her brilliant white teeth. The snarky way she’d condescended to me with every word out of her mouth.
There was no way I could compete with someone like that.
There was just no way.