“I remember you kept checking in on me,” I whisper, a small smile playing on my lips as the memories vividly take over my mind, transfixing me back to a time when we were the happiest in our lives. “You were so worried my water would break,” I chuckle. “I think you were afraid I would ruin the fancy floors you had spent a fortune on.”
“Probably,” he agrees, pausing for a moment. “I wish you would’ve gone into labor that night, at least I would’ve been there for you when you gave birth.”
He frowns but keeps his eyes firmly planted on mine.
I prayed so hard that he would make it in time to see our daughter being born but God didn’t hear me that night and Victor showed up an hour after Adrianna took her first breath.
“That was the first time I disappointed you,” he continues. “The first of many.”
“Victor…” I cut him off, but he shakes his head as he releases my hand and lifts his finger to my lip.
“If I could turn back time, if I could have one more chance, I’d be there. I’d never leave your side, Gracie. I’d change all the things I did wrong,” he says. “I’d always show up, I’d always put you first, and we’d have no regrets, not a single one. As God as my witness I’d give it all up—the mob, the power, the money—maybe I’d be a bus driver. We would still live in the first house we bought after we got married. I’d trade everything I am, everything I ever was if it meant one more chance to make all your dreams come true. I’d be a different man.”
Again, I part my lips to speak, but he shakes his head and smiles faintly back at me.
“Let it be,” he whispers.
Tears fall from the corner of my eyes as we sit quietly cataloging every detail of one another’s aging face to memory. The resentment of the mob fades away and in that moment we are just Grace and Victor, two unsuspecting strangers in a night club—meeting their eternal love for the first time.
He smiles at me, the lines in the corner of his eyes pinched with the years of our story embedded in his skin, and it all became so clear. Victor was my one and only. The only man I was ever meant to love, the man put on this earth specifically for me. Our life may not have been what we expected, but it was beautiful and it was real. When the end approaches everyone has regrets, maybe they wish they would’ve done things differently, but now as the end of our story nears, I know all the answers to the questions I’ve been asking myself lately. I wouldn’t change a single thing. If I knew everything I knew now back then, I still would’ve put that white dress on and made that trip down the church aisle to the man waiting to marry me.
I let go of Victor’s hands, pushed back my chair and gripped the edge of the table, I rose to my full height. His eyes narrow in confusion as I hold his gaze and round the table. He leans back in the chair and tilts his head as I lean down and take his face in my hands.
“I can’t let it be,” I murmured, as he pushes back his chair and grabs my hips, pulling me down onto his lap. I drop my hands from his face and wind my arms around his neck.
“I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you, Victor Pastore.” I smile, leaning my forehead against his. “Everything you are is everything I fell in love with. If given the chance, I’d do it all again and I wouldn’t change any part of our story except one thing…”
He closes his eyes as he splays his palms against the small of my back. I wait for him to look into my eyes before I continue.
“I’d change the ending,” I cry, tracing my thumb along his lower lip. “There’d be no ending.” I pause, wiping away the lone tear that travels down his cheek. “This won’t end, Victor, this love I have for you, it’ll never die,” I promise.
“Close your eyes, honey, let me paint you one last picture,” I cry.
He did as I asked, closing his eyes tightly. I swallow down the lump lodged in my throat, trying desperately to pull myself together as every chamber of my heart cracks and splits wide open.
How do you say goodbye to the love of your life?
You don’t.
You give him something to hang on to as he waits for you to join him.
“I’m wearing a turquoise silk jumpsuit, the very same one I wore when you first laid eyes on me. I look the same as I did that night, the lines from my face are gone, my hair is brown, but there is a lost look in my eyes as I wander around. I don’t know what I’m searching for but I know the moment I see you with your hand extended toward me, it’s you, you’re exactly what I’ve been searching for.”
He keeps his eyes closed as tears spill from the corners and I do my best to wipe them away, eventually I resign, allowing them to fall, for they are the tears of the love we will one day find again and I welcome them, adding my own to them.
We will meet again.