That made me smile genuinely as the back door swings open and my youngest storms in like the tornado she was, my smile widening ever so slightly.
“I’m fucking late and I suck but I’m here and I brought Dunkin,” She exclaims waving a Box of Joe enticingly.
“Where’s Mikey?” Adrianna asks, grabbing the mugs from the cabinet.
“He’ll be here, he had to see a customer about an estimate,” Nikki explains as she hugs me. “I miss you,” she whispers against my hair before she pulls back a fraction and smiles. “Where are the crazies?”
“They took Nana to bingo at the church,” I explain, laughing at her reference to my in-laws.
“When are they going back home?”
“That depends on when you’re getting married,” I tell her. I’m not pressuring her to get married but a part of me is worried she’s stalling because of Victor. I want to reassure her it’s okay for her to move forward and her father will be there in spirit.
Spirit.
That word makes it sound like he has already passed.
We pull apart as I clear my throat and tip my chin toward the living room. “Why don’t we all have a seat?”
“Ma, I’m not going to lie, you’re freaking me out,” Nikki says warily.
“Yeah, what’s going on? Why the family meeting? Did something happen with dad?”
I avert my eyes between my two girls before turning to Anthony. It hadn’t dawned on me until now that he may already know about Victor’s condition. Staring at him he looks just as anxious as the girls and it became clear that Victor faded Anthony out of the limelight of the organization just as he a promised. I guess there were some things he kept his word about.
“I went to visit your father,” I pause, offering Nikki a smile. “I showed him the photograph of your engagement and told him all about it. He was so happy for you and Michael. He made me promise to tell you to pick out the wedding dress of your dreams.”
I take a moment to keep myself in check, to keep the tears at bay and the emotion buried, reminding myself this isn’t about me. It’s not about my feelings but rather my girls, our girls. Nikki glances down, toying with her engagement ring before looking back at me.
“It fucking sucks he won’t be at my wedding,” she admits, turning to her sister. “It was fitting your son gave you away to Anthony, the three of you were becoming a family.” She violently wipes away a tear.
“And you’ll have me to walk you down the aisle,” I interject. “He asked me to do that you know, to walk you down the aisle, to give your hand to Michael with his blessing.”
“I still feel guilty,” Nikki whispers. “I still blame myself for him being in there.”
“The only one who should be blamed is me,” Adrianna argues. “I’m the one who pulled the trigger. I’m the one who did the crime he confessed to committing. If anyone is to blame for daddy not being at your wedding, it’s me, and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I took that from you,” she cries.
“Stop it! Both of you stop it,” I insist, inching forward to take their hands in mine. “Your father is in jail because he deserves to be, because for the last thirty years your father has done a lot of bad things. I never wanted to admit that, especially not to you girls but what’s the use in hiding it when both of you have witnessed him in action, both of you have suffered at the hands of his organization. That was too much for your father to handle, his conscience too heavy with guilt to continue as he was. It was his choice to turn himself in and his alone. Does that mean you should blame him? No, it means he finally earned the respect he always craved. You can be hurt, you’re entitled to be, but you should always have respect for the man who gave his freedom for us to live a life free of his sins. Your father loves you both so much,” I assure, turning to Adrianna and then to Anthony before I continue.
“He is so proud of you two and those babies you created,” I smile, cocking my head as my gaze settles on my son-in-law. “He’s grateful for you.”
Anthony takes a deep breath before giving me a slight nod of his head, showing his appreciation for my words. Anthony wasn’t a man who needed gratification from anyone but having Victor’s appreciation was closure for him. He never wanted to hate Victor, he looked up to him, but my husband was threatened by Anthony’s hold over our daughter’s heart.
“Did you show him Victoria’s picture?” Adrianna asks.
“I did,” I say, looking back at her. “Just as beautiful as her mama.”
“You didn’t call us here to recap your visit,” Nikki whispers. “You’re stalling, ma,” she accuses.
“Your father’s being transferred to a federal prison in North Carolina two weeks from Friday,” I reveal, pausing to gage their reactions.
“I knew that,” Anthony confesses, turning to Adrianna. “That means we need to get you two up to see him at least once before he gets on that bus,” he tells them, knowing all about the last hit Victor was going to commit. Maybe he didn’t fade as much as we all thought he did.