It’s too late.
I close my eyes, fighting back the voice I fear is true and pray Blackie is right.
I pray they are together.
And more than anything I pray they are alive.
There is something solid on top of me, pinning me down, something heavy that acts as a shield. Opening my eyes, I realize it’s a body that is protecting me from the building that has exploded and continues to collapse around us.
The body of the man I was supposed to marry.
There are certain things that resonate with you, unforgettable situations that stick with you, like, being trapped in a burning house with your fiancé. For a moment I feel as if I’m transcended back in time. The sounds are the same, the scents too, and so is the suffocating feeling of dust and debris trapped in my lungs. The flames crackle and sizzle, threatening to melt the layers of skin as they once did before. And like before, I don’t care. I am not frightened by the fire but terrified of losing the man I’m with.
However, amongst the similarities there are also differences.
Jack is unconscious, but he’s breathing, he isn’t dead.
And there is a life inside of me, a fragile life who is relying on me to keep it safe.
This time I won’t lay down and die.
This time I’ll fight.
I swallow, easing the dryness from my throat and lift my hand to Jack’s ash covered face.
“Jack.”
He doesn’t respond but I feel his shallow breaths against my neck and hang on to hope. He’s heavy against me and my body aches as I slide out from under him. I clutch my stomach the minute I’m free as I feel a painful tightening across my stomach. Grinding my teeth through the pain, I try to move closer to Jack.
“Jack, please wake up,” I cry, glancing down at my stomach. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, hold it and blow it out as the pain eases.
I turn back to Jack, crawl toward him and roll him onto his back before taking his face in my palms.
“Jack!” I shriek, desperate for him to wake. “I need you,” I plead, fearing the worst, knowing that another pain will shoot through my stomach and every minute that passes is crucial to the survival of our child.
I lift my eyes as I hold his face and stare at the violent orange, yellow and red swirls dancing around the room. There is no life to be found amongst the ruins. There is only us. The cramps spread across my abdomen as I lay my head against his chest and my body shudders with sobs.
I don’t know how long I lay there, staring at the flames as I clutch Jack’s leather vest and pray for a miracle. I think about the baby inside me, the man beneath me and how I’m slowly losing everything I’ve ever wanted. Any pain, heartache or suffering I’ve experienced in my life is insignificant compared to what I feel right now.
“Hail Mary full of Grace, the Lord is with thee,” I murmur as the tears roll down my cheeks and disappear somewhere onto the man I planned to promise to love and honor until death do we part. “Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.”
I close my eyes, lay one hand on my belly and the other on Jack.
“Amen.”
My hair catches on something but I ignore the pull until it becomes a persistent tug. Opening my eyes, I slowly lift my head and my eyes stare into Jack’s.
He unwinds the lock of hair wrapped around his fingers and continues to keep his eyes on me. I open my mouth to ask him what hurts when another pain shoots through me. Instantly, his eyes darken and I try to mask the pain contorting my face.
“What’s the matter?” He questions.
His eyes narrow in confusion and he opens his mouth again to speak but closes it as I shake my head.
“Nothing,” I say through clenched teeth as I try to sit up.
“Reina,” he shouts, forcing my gaze back to him as I clench my jaw and try to breathe. I watch as he lifts a hand to his ear and tries to shake his head.
“I think…oh boy,” I hiss, watching as his eyes move to my lips. “I’m having contractions,” I groan.
“Speak up,” he commands, averting his eyes back to mine.
“I’m having contractions,” I shout even louder though he is merely centimeters from me. I watch his face fall. He shakes his head as he lifts both hands to his ears.
He can’t hear me.
Not a word.
Silently, I pull his hands from his ears and rest them over my belly.
A storm rages in the depths of his black eyes before he drops his gaze to my belly. His hands never leave me as I watch him cringe and struggle to sit up. I place my finger beneath his chin and tilt his head back so his eyes meet mine.
I love you.
My eyes whisper within the sound of silence.
“You,” he replies with deaf ears.
I take his hand, lay it flat against my chest and stare back at him.
Me.