“Sorry, hope you weren’t waiting long,” he said. The shock remained on his mother’s face, but she made no comment. He knew she wouldn’t remark, either, on the growing media attention he was getting. Unless it was to criticize. Hundreds of donations were flooding in online and in the post, bringing the running tally of promised funds to eleven thousand five hundred and ninety-eight euro. Billy’s followers on Twitter and friends on Facebook also continued to climb, as did the visitors to his website. All this from strangers, and nothing from his own parents. His temper pressed on the back of his face, as if trying to get at his mother.
One by one, the six Brennans moved through the entrance turnstile, John looking livid. He hadn’t wanted to come, but Billy and Tricia had insisted, stopping short of reminding him that Ivor was now his one and only brother. As if by silent agreement, the six walked straight to the lion exhibit. There, Billy read the dull brass plaques, searching for the name of the male cub born shortly before Michael’s tenth birthday. Tricia appeared next to him, also reading, also searching. There was no mention of an eight-year-old male. Billy studied the five lions lazing about the dirt, wondering.
“Remember the time we were here for Michael’s birthday and the zoo ran that contest to name the newborn cub? What names did we come up with at all?” She gave a little laugh. “They didn’t use any of them anyway.”
John walked away. When he didn’t return, Billy followed him. John’s face looked achy and the edges of his eyes were red. “Michael wanted to name the cub Mikewali and I wanted to call him Johnwali.” His face crumpled. Billy squeezed John’s shoulder, unsure if the boy would want any contact. John suddenly laughed through the glint of tears. “Mikewali and Johnwali.” Billy also sad-laughed.
When they turned around to rejoin the others, Billy reluctantly let go of John’s shoulder. Tricia watched, her expression tender.
They studied the zoo’s map, trying to decide which exhibit to visit next.
“Let’s go see the gorillas,” Ivor said.
“Sounds like a plan.” Billy curled the map into a cylinder. Memories of paper telescopes cut at him. He had to stop his thoughts from going to Michael. This was Ivor’s day. A happy occasion.
They arrived at the gorilla habitat, all the Brennans but Billy licking ice-cream cones. The giant silverback, eating on a leafy dark-green stalk, seemed to stare right at Billy. Two smaller, female gorillas sat close by the silverback, each chewing on a blade of straw.
The silverback stirred, and started on the prowl, moving toward the two females. He grunted and trembled, his entire body vibrating. Billy studied the animal’s massiveness, marveling at the enormity of his head, shoulders, arms, stomach, and behind. Billy was almost as big, but without any of the grandeur. One of the females moved off, looking back over her shoulder every few seconds as the male gave chase.
“There’s going to be a fight,” Ivor said, nervously.
“Awful-looking things,” Billy’s mother said. “Let’s find something nicer to look at.”
John protested, saying he wanted to watch the gorillas fight.
Anna’s fist rubbed at her eye, her blond hair limp and dampened with sweat, her upper lip marked with an ice-cream mustache. “I don’t want to see another fight,” she said, quietly. “I’ve seen enough of those.”
Billy’s mother looked from him to Tricia, her brow furrowed. He kept looking at the gorillas, his expression blank. In his periphery he checked Tricia, wondering if she’d felt a similar dart of guilt. She remained intent on the gorillas, her face not giving anything away.
The female gorilla stopped on the rocks and hunkered in submission beneath the silverback. He mounted her from behind and thumped his bulk against her. People pointed and laughed. The silverback pumped faster, harder. The female turned her head to look at the massive male, seeming distressed.
Billy’s scalp crawled. Back when he and Tricia were still physical, whenever he’d reached for her during those last months of intimacy, she’d worn a similar look and often refused him. Whenever she had tolerated him near her, she insisted he not mount her, saying she couldn’t breathe. Instead, she’d straddled him, her hand working his penis into her, a disturbed look on her face.
The silverback pulled out of the female. Billy’s mother made some outraged sound.
“Okay, let’s go,” Tricia said, hurrying off. She tossed her half-eaten ice cream into the green litter bin, looking repulsed. Billy stared after the ice cream, wanting it back. Wanting everything back.
Minutes later, they stood watching the elephants. When one of the four deadened-looking creatures raised its trunk, it seemed like a silent cry for help. Billy searched Ivor’s backpack, finding shortbread biscuits, the plainest treat in the boy’s stash. He fired four biscuits into the enclosure, hoping each of the elephants would get one, not knowing how else to make them feel better, if only for a few seconds. Anna and Ivor also clamored to feed them, laughing at how the giant animals hoovered the treat from the ground. “That’s enough for them,” Billy said. “We don’t want to harm them.”
Billy’s mother sat down on a bench. “Are you all right, Maura?” Tricia asked.
“I just need to sit for a minute.” His mother didn’t sound well. Billy glanced over. She looked tired and pale.