As Billy reached the back door, the bird further confounded him and flew back into view. The second it returned to the lawn, the cat pounced. Billy charged, shouting.
He stood over the bird on the grass, breathing hard. There was no blood or sign of injury, but it was dead this time for sure. He bent down and cupped it in his hands—its body blue-black, its neck brown, and a single white stripe in its inky tail. He couldn’t understand why it had returned. Suddenly angry, he fired the tiny corpse into the far field. For long moments afterward, its warmth stayed on his hands.
Ten
At breakfast, Anna sliced and quartered her grilled tomato, spilling its juice and green seeds. Her knife rushed to rescue her eggs and sausage from the bleed, saving them from cross-contamination. A picky eater, every meal with her was a production. Had been right from the beginning.
Billy pulled his attention away from her mouthwatering breakfast, remembering long-ago nighttime trips to the supermarket to get various kinds of baby formula for her, his large hands grasping at any and all mixtures that might get her to sleep through the night.
Mostly, though, he stacked his basket with food for himself and would savage biscuits, bars of chocolate, sliced cheese and deli meats, and bags of sharp, salty crisps in his car in the dark. Anything to fortify himself before his return home and Anna’s inconsolable screams, Tricia’s frantic pacing.
He would try his best, but nothing he could do would soothe Anna. Back then, she had only ever wanted her mother. Michael, on the other hand, had always favored him, right up until that day in the sea in Kilkee.
“What are we doing today?” Anna asked, pulling him back to the table.
“We’re going to your granny’s,” Tricia said. “Auntie Lisa is cooking dinner for us.”
“Yes!” Ivor’s arms shot straight up by his head. Lisa was an even better cook than Tricia.
Billy suspected Lisa and his parents planned to stage an intervention. He almost looked forward to facing them. They were in for a shock if they thought they could sway him. He wasn’t backing down. Not this time.
“First, though, mass,” Tricia continued, “and after mass you’re all coming straight home to clean your rooms, and if that’s not done there’s no dinner at Granny’s.” Various groans and eye-rolls went up.
“We can’t clean today,” Ivor said. “You’re not supposed to work on Sundays.” A bite of too-hot sausage bounced amid a mess of scrambled egg on his tongue. Tricia had sworn off any more meat at breakfast, but seemingly Ivor had thrown a tantrum in the supermarket.
“You better remind the priests of that commandment,” Billy said. “No one ever worked harder on a Sunday to make money.” Tricia leveled him with a cold look.
Billy switched to a safer subject and touched his fist to John’s bicep. “Ready for the big match?”
John nodded, his expression hard. “You better believe it, we’ll annihilate Clooskey.”
Billy pushed away an uneasy feeling. It would be hard to witness John play today, with Michael no longer on the field next to him. The team retired Michael’s number and Billy had placed the jersey in his coffin. Tricia also sent Michael off with a professional family photograph and four handwritten letters. John had refused to write a letter, or to put anything else in the coffin with his brother.
“It’ll be a great match,” Tricia said. She would also see Michael’s ghost on the pitch this afternoon.
Later, when the children left the kitchen, Billy moved around the table and placed his hand on Tricia’s bony shoulder. “Are you all right?”
“You need to try harder with John. I worry about him, about all of them.”
“I’m trying harder with everything, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
She stood up. “We better hurry, we don’t want to be late for mass.”
*
Billy took a hankering to walk to the home place, wanting to follow Michael’s footsteps through the fields, a well-worn path the boy had often traveled to the farm.
“No, thanks,” Ivor said.
“Yeah,” John drawled. “I’ll pass.”
“Sorry, I can’t walk in these shoes,” Anna said. She was sporting little black heels.
“You go ahead,” Tricia said. “I’ll drive them.”