‘I will go to him immediately and offer apologies,’ she said. And congratulations as well. His reputation had not suffered the blow they’d both expected. ‘Where might I find him?’
Her father laughed. ‘Am I his keeper? He is not here, if that is what you are wondering. Why would he be? I suspect he has gone back to his rooms to drown his sorrows. The loss of a fiancée to a man who claimed to be his friend was terribly embarrassing, no matter how gracious he pretended to be about it.’
*
When she collected Mrs Lovell from the receiving room, she could but hope that their raised voices had not carried down the hall from the office. If the older woman guessed any of what had transpired, she gave no sign of it. Nor was she particularly bothered by the fact that they were to go immediately back to the carriage.
When Amy informed her that their next stop was to be the address on Bond Street where her son might be found, she tensed slightly, as if suddenly afraid to do the very thing she had wanted all along. ‘Does he expect us?’ she asked in a quiet voice.
Amy shook her head. ‘But we will not be the first unexpected thing to happen to him this week.’ And, even after her father’s dire rant on the subject, there was no reason to expect that they would be unwelcome.
*
They arrived at the building and climbed the stairs to his rooms. There, they were greeted at the door by a manservant who directed them to a small parlour overlooking the street. Mrs Lovell was so fascinated by the crowds of people on the street below them that she did not notice the arrival of her son.
Ben stood in the doorway, staring at the woman on the sofa as if he could not quite believe what he was seeing. Amy waited in silence to see his reaction. Though he had given her the facts she needed to bring this reunion about, he had not requested that she return with his mother and risk tarring her with the brush of scandal.
The lady shifted in her seat, turning to face the door at the sound of his gasp.
‘Mother.’ For a moment, the reserved fa?ade disappeared and he looked like the young Cottsmoor. He had become a boy again, his desire for independence at war with the urge to return to the comfort of his mother’s embrace. Then the Benjamin Lovell she knew returned and he strode forward, pulling the woman out of her chair and enveloping her in his arms, pressing his dry cheek to her wet one, offering comfort instead of taking it.
As he hugged her, his features contorted in pain. Then the expression faded and he was at peace, his eyes closed tight, as if trying to freeze the moment and keep it for ever in memory.
‘Benjamin,’ his mother sobbed. ‘It has been so long.’
‘I am so sorry,’ he whispered back. ‘Sorry for what I said, when we argued. When I left you, I did not think it would be forever. But there was a reason I could not leave.’
‘The Duchess,’ she said, making a face.
‘No.’ He leaned close to whisper in his mother’s ear.
Her face relaxed in an understanding smile. ‘It is hard for a boy to become a man without a father to teach him.’
‘A boy needs both his parents,’ he said, in a ragged voice. ‘A mother and a father. I never should have left you.’
‘It is all right,’ she said, patting his hand. ‘And look at you now.’ She held him away from her to admire him. ‘Tall and handsome. Wealthy and educated. That is what a mother wants for her son, to see him do well.’
‘But I left you behind,’ he said, sounding again like the boy she had lost. ‘And the things I did to make my future... I am no longer worthy to be your son.’
Amy bit her lip to keep from speaking. He had become so much more than he had been. But, even though he had reconciled with his mother, there were still so many things he could never admit to the world.
‘It is all in the past,’ Mrs Lovell said in a soothing voice. ‘If there is a penance, by now you have paid it tenfold. Forgive yourself as I forgave you, years ago.’ Then she kissed him upon the forehead as one might when putting a child to sleep.
His shoulders slumped, but it was in acceptance, not defeat. Then he straightened again, and he seemed even taller than he had been, as if the shame that had weighted him down was gone. When he turned back to Amy, he looked different, as well. The grim determination behind his smile was gone, replaced by a lightness of spirit that she had not seen in him before.
She wanted to go to him, to have him hold her and tell her that his mind was as free as his heart. She wanted to know that he loved her and wanted her, just as he had claimed to before. But now he needed to be with the woman he loved, but hadn’t seen in years.
Amy rose to excuse herself. ‘You must have much to talk about.’ As she turned to go, she kept her eyes downcast, not wanting him to see her longing for reassurance.
‘Wait.’ He leaned forward to whisper into his mother’s ear again and Amy saw her smile. Then he rose. ‘Let me escort you out, Miss Summoner.’