“You got the suitcase. Good. I wasn’t sure if you made it up there yet.”
“Oh, I made it up there. And I have to tell you, there was some valuable stuff in the suitcase. As in loose diamonds.”
“Really?” Her eyes got wide.
“Yes. And when I visited the hospital, he asked me to figure out a way to redeem his evil father’s bad deeds with the contents of the suitcase, and it’s a little overwhelming.” My throat got tight and the tears welled up. “I really want to do the right thing.”
She stared at me and closed her eyes and shook her head.
“What is it, Sissy?” I had no idea what I had done.
She opened her eyes and said, “That old codger.”
“What?”
“That old fool has been trying to get other people to redeem his evil father’s bad deeds or some nonsense for decades.”
I was confused. “He has?”
“Yes. Old lovers, friends, guys from the Rotary, me. We all told him, ‘Stewy, you’re a good man. Get over it.’ But he couldn’t, so he tried to get other people on his guilt wagon.”
“Oh.” I thought I had been special, that he had picked me because I saved Ella, because I was a do-gooder.
“That old codger knew what you had been through and he guilted a teenager into doing his dirty work?” She stood in front of me and held me by the shoulders. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. “You listen to me,” Sissy said. “Whatever was in that suitcase is yours. Stewy left gobs of money to everyone and their brother, myself included. As frugal as he was when he was alive, he’s making up for it on the other side. And I promise you, he’s resting peacefully.”
“Okay.”
“You do what your heart tells you to do, not what you think Stewy would have wanted. You know why?”
“Why?” I wiped my cheeks.
“Because you’ll drive yourself nuts. He didn’t know what he wanted. How could you?” She laughed. “Oh, Stewy. The surprises keep on coming.”
I felt better instantly. Like Sissy had taken me, the overinflated balloon, and gently let some air out, just enough, so I could feel relief. I still had no idea what we were going to do with all those canaries, but I felt much less pressure to get it right.
I drove myself to Willie Ng’s therapist. My parents trusted I wouldn’t skip the appointment and lie about it, after I admitted I sort of enjoyed going. I tried to figure out what I most needed to talk about as I drove through the back roads, sipping lemonade and listening to Alice’s angry playlist.
There was so much to process: The Today show. The bullshit promise I made to Mr. Upton. The tension I was feeling with Jean.
Gordie texted me while I sat in the stuffy waiting room. Just saw Today show clip. Damn. I’m good at what I do. Would you like to have a proper date tomorrow night?
Yes, please.
The therapist was wearing the same stained T-shirt as the first session, except there was a new coffee stain above Mickey Mouse’s ear. He flipped through his pad, cleared his throat, and smiled.
“How’s the sleeping these days?” He jumped right into it.
“Actually, getting better.”
“And how about life? What’s been going on?”
“Can I ask you about something unrelated to the incident? Like, interpersonal?”
“Absolutely.” His face lit up.
“I’ve been having issues with one of my friends. I said something really hurtful and I don’t know how to fix it.”
He looked through his pad. “Is this Shay?”
I had forgotten I told him about Shay and how I had thought she was blowing me off when she was actually pretty miserable at tennis camp. Now he was probably going to write, Sadie is one of those pain-in-the-ass high school girls who always has drama with her friends. I hadn’t actually talked to Shay since the CVS conversation. But I knew it was going to be okay from our happy emojis and Miss you and Talk soon texts. It hit me that I needed to talk to Shay, clear the air. Apologize for walking around being mad at her—which I probably did only because it was easier than missing her.
“Uh, no. A different friend. Anyway, I don’t feel comfortable getting into the details. I just need advice on how to get my friend to answer my texts. He won’t even let me explain myself.”
“Is this a romantic interest?”
“No. Just a guy friend.”
“Without knowing the full story, I suggest you give it time, and allow your friend to cool off a bit. Sometimes people need that. Then reach out again, maybe not via text message, as sometimes texts can be misconstrued.”
I said “Okay,” but I didn’t have the patience to let Jean cool off anymore.
“How does that sound?”
“That makes a lot of sense.”
We spent the rest of the session talking about the incident. I admitted I was sick of the incident. I didn’t want to talk about it, think about it, dream about it, or write about it ever again. I just wanted to snap my fingers twice and make it disappear.
“So finish up that letter for the victim advocate for next session, and we can stop talking about the incident. What do you think about that?”
“Yes, definitely,” I said.
As hot and cold as I was about my trips to the therapist, I always left feeling better. I also always left feeling hungry.
I sprinted out of there and ordered from our favorite Chinese place.
While I waited in the parking lot for the food to be ready, I decided to call Shay.
“Shay?”
“Hey.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so, so, so sorry about not being a good friend.”
“It’s okay, really. I loved my care package. The cookies were all broken, so I put them on my ice cream.”
“Can we try to be normal again?” My voice cracked.
There was silence on the other end.
“I have to tell you something, Sadie. I remember what happened with Gordie Harris at CVS.”
“Okay?”
“I had a basket full of incriminating shit. Like tampons, yeast infection medicine, I don’t even know, but Gordie Harris was trying to talk to me and I freaked out and ran away. I promise you, Sadie, I had no clue what he was saying. When you mentioned it, I had to search my brain. But anyway, I’m really sorry. I was all kinds of mortified.”
“Oh my God, Shay. I totally understand.”
Then Shay began to cry.
“I’ve been really sad, Sadie. I can’t deal with all these people out here, and it felt like you just moved on with Pooch and those guys. I don’t even know what happened with us. I feel so empty.”
“Shay?”
“Yeah?” She blew her nose.
“I think I pushed you away because everything was changing and it was stressful and I was probably mad at you for leaving.”
“I get it. Believe me.”
“And there was a reason I brought up the Gordie Harris thing.”
“What reason?” She sniffed and blew her nose again.
“Gordie isn’t gay. And I’ve been hooking up with him.” And then I started laughing.
“Shut up.”
“I know.”