Perhaps he’d even been like that with Sofi, treating it like a game. And only now did he see the folly of it, because only now did he fully understand that he wanted to spend his life with her, have a family with her, to become middle-aged and dependable.
As if hearing his thoughts, she finally realized he was behind her and she looked over her shoulder and smiled and said, “How long have you been standing there?”
“Oh, a little while.”
“I made a casserole.” She opened the oven and put the dish in, and as she wiped her hands he walked over and kissed her, then again, and put his hands on her hips and pulled her close.
She laughed a little and said, “Okay, I had intended on a bath, but . . .”
He pulled away so that he could look her in the eye and said, “I’ve decided on a solution, to our problem.” She looked at him quizzically. “I’ll stay.”
“In your job?”
“No, but I’ll stay here, in Tallinn.”
The quizzical stare turned to confusion. “But how? What about money?”
“I have a little money.” The lie of it stung him. He wanted to tell her, was desperate to tell her. “I’ve saved some money over the years, maybe enough to start my own business, or tide me over while I write a book—”
She was about to interrupt, but the doorbell beat her to it. They both hesitated and then Finn said, “Do you want me to stay?”
“Of course. I want us to be together.” She laughed, as if seeing that the problem really could disappear so easily. The doorbell sounded again, and she pulled away from him, releasing her hair from its ponytail at the same time.
“Don’t answer it,” he said quietly.
She smiled, shaking her head. “Easy for you to say—you know it won’t be for you.”
She made for the door, and he walked over and looked at the bottle of wine she’d taken out. Automatically, he resented whichever friend or relative or colleague had come calling, but after a barely audible exchange there was silence, and then Sofi appeared in the kitchen again.
She looked slightly bemused as she said, “It’s for you.”
He walked through into the hallway and took a second to identify the woman standing there, another second to appreciate the implications. He concentrated on staying relaxed as he said, “Louisa—I didn’t hear you were in Tallinn.”
He was annoyed with himself because they’d been waiting for him, because the car had clearly been on the street when he’d come in a short while before, and he should have spotted it.
“Hello, Finn.” She smiled, but it veiled over a much graver expression. He wondered if this was it, if the Kremlin source had proved too reliable, if he’d pushed his luck a little too far. Would they prosecute him? Again, he thought of his parents. “I only arrived this afternoon.”
Sofi came out of the kitchen and Finn said, “Er, this is Sofi, my girlfriend. This is Louisa from our head office in London.” They shook hands, exchanged greetings.
Then Louisa looked at Sofi apologetically and said, “I feel awful doing this but I wonder if I could borrow Finn, just for half an hour or so? Something smells delicious, so if you’re ready to eat I can come back later.”
“It’s a casserole,” said Sofi, only a hint of suspicion in her voice. “I’ll leave you alone.”
“No, not at all. We’ll go out, if you don’t mind, but I promise I’ll bring him back before supper’s ready.”
Sofi shrugged. “Okay. Would you like to join us?”
“That’s very sweet of you, but I won’t.”
Without being sure why, Finn wanted to stall, even made to say something, but he realized he still had his coat on, that there was no reason for him to delay going with Louisa.
He gestured toward the door and said, “Okay, after you.”
Louisa said goodbye to Sofi, and Finn turned himself before heading out. Sofi gave him a concerned look and he smiled reassurance, an echo of his parting with Katerina, given with even less confidence.
They took the stairs, and as they descended Louisa said, “She seems nice. Terribly attractive. Journalist, isn’t she?”
He didn’t bother answering what hadn’t really been a question, but said, “So what brings you—”
“Let’s wait until we’re outside.”
“Of course.”
He didn’t like her tone, and could feel his heart beating a little faster now. He could feel a muscle fluttering under his left eye, too, though he knew from experience it probably wasn’t visible. Still, he had to control himself, in case this was still at the level of suspicion rather than accusation.
He thought of Katerina again. He’d promised he would help her and wasn’t sure how he could if they carted him off to London. He could rely on Harry, though, he was sure of that. If anyone else could get the girl to safety, it was Harry.
Once they were on the street, the sudden blast of cold relaxed him—the temperature had dropped dramatically even in the short time he’d been inside. He spotted the car now, too, and Louisa waved at the driver but set off along the street.