The Things We Keep

At 3:30 P.M., when Clem bounds out of the school gates with a smile on her face, I think I might weep in relief. I’ve always thought Legs was a sweet kid, but when I see her little hand wrapped around Clem’s, I have an overwhelming desire to sweep her into my arms and kiss her.

On the way home, Clem is a lot cheerier than on previous days. She tells me how she went right up to Miranda and said sorry, and how afterwards Miss Weber said it was a very brave thing to do. Then she tells me that Miss Weber said she could sit next to Legs all day. I decide I’d quite like to kiss Miss Weber, too.

That night, after Eric, Carole, and Trish have left, I go right to Anna’s room. It’s earlier than usual, but since it was Clem’s first day back at school, I want to get her home so we can spend some time together before she goes to bed. Now, if I can just give Anna and Luke a little glimpse of each other before I go, I’ll have all my ducks in a row.

There are a few residents still milling around, and Rosie is in the kitchen making a coffee. It’s not ideal, but it will have to do.

“Hi, Anna,” I say, closing her door behind me. She’s by the window, gazing out at the night. “It’s Eve.”

She looks over her shoulder, frowns. “Hello.”

“I’m a bit early,” I whisper after I explain that we’re going to see Luke. “My daughter is having a tough time at school, so I want to get her home so we can hang out a bit.”

Anna doesn’t usually respond beyond the odd yes or no when I talk about my life, but I get the feeling she likes to listen. More and more, I’ve been confiding in her—complaining about the cleaning, telling her my little worries. She doesn’t remember what I’ve told her on previous visits, but she often manages to keep up pretty well with the conversation we’re having.

“I haven’t been the best mother lately,” I tell her.

She looks at me. I hesitate.

“Okay,” I say, “I have a confession. I kissed the gardener.”

I watch Anna for a reaction, but her expression remains neutral.

“Actually, he kissed me,” I correct. “But my daughter saw us. She asked me to promise never to kiss anyone ever again.”

Anna takes a minute. “Did you promise?”

I smile. She is following. “I did.”

There’s a couple of seconds’ silence, but I can tell by the way Anna’s forehead is pinched that she is still with me. So I wait.

“Is he cute, this gardener?” she asks, after a few moments.

“Gorgeous,” I say miserably.

“Then you’ll have to break that promise.”

I chuckle, but Anna remains deadpan. It makes me laugh more.

“Life is too short not to kiss,” Anna says.

“Maybe you’re right,” I say, wiping my eyes. I go around the back of her wheelchair and take the handles, still grinning. Then I check that the hallway is clear and hurry her across to Luke’s room. Once they’re settled, I head to the parlor to check on Clem.

“Are we leaving?” she says, looking up from the TV.

“Not yet. Just have a couple more things to do.”

“Mo-om!”

“Sorry, hon. I won’t be long, I promise.”

She sighs, looks back at the TV. I glance at my watch. It’s been only five minutes. That will have to do for tonight.

“Where are you going?” she asks as I leave the room.

“To take out the trash. I’ll be right back!”

I pass Rosie in the corridor. When she has disappeared into Bert’s room, I slip into Luke’s. Anna is on Luke’s bed, where I left her. It’s usually like this. They just talk, kiss, touch. Apart from my first night at Rosalind House, when I found them in bed together, the relationship seems fairly innocent.

When Anna hears me, her head snaps around. “Don’t you knock?” she says, frowning.

“Sorry,” I whisper, closing the door behind me. “But it’s—”

Anna holds up a palm. “We’d like some privacy, please.”

Anna’s voice is loud, but I fight the urge to shush her, certain it would only irritate her more. “We need to go, Anna. You have a motorcycle race tomorrow—”

“Cancel it,” she snaps. Then she turns back to Luke.

“But you’ve already paid your entrance fee. And—”

“I. Don’t. Care.”

I feel a flicker of panic. “Okay,” I say. “No race, then. But can you keep your voice down because … Jack is asleep.”

The other day I’d said “the residents” were asleep, and she’d become upset, asking “What residents?” When I mentioned Jack, though, she’d quieted.

Not today.

“Fuck Jack.” As she says it, Anna gives me a look of pure hatred. I stand there, wondering what to do.

“Mom. Mom! Where are you?”

I hurry into the hallway, closing the door behind me.

“There you are!” Clem says. “You said you were taking out the trash!”

“Sorry, hon, I had a couple other things to do first.”

“What things?” Rosie says, coming down the hall with a mug in her hands. She joins Clem and me in a three-point circle in the corridor. “I can finish them for you. You two go home.”

Clem beams.

“Oh no!” I say. “It’s cleaning stuff. I couldn’t ask you to do that, Rosie. Clem, I’ll just be another few minutes.”

“Believe it or not, I can unpack the dishwasher and take out the trash,” Rosie says. “I can even wipe down a counter. Go on. I insist.”

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