The Swans of Fifth Avenue

And it was true! Maybe.

If he was being honest with himself—which he was not in the habit of being, but sometimes one did slip a little—making a movie was not easy, even if he was basically playing Truman Capote, as he’d been instructed to do. But he had to speak other people’s words, not his own; Neil Simon had not taken kindly to the suggestion that Truman rewrite his part, even after Truman reminded him he had written very good screenplays in the past. So Truman did, sometimes, stumble over the dialogue—when he could remember it. And, yes, perhaps he did keep looking down at those marks that he was told, repeatedly, that he had to hit or else he’d be out of camera range; how on earth was he supposed to hit them without looking at them, while remembering someone else’s words to say? But the director didn’t seem to understand this predicament.

And the hours were ungodly! Strange, he didn’t remember having to get up at the crack of dawn when he was working on Beat the Devil, with Bogie and Huston, true cinematic geniuses, not like this hack director. But he had to report to the studio every morning he was on call at six A.M., even if all he did during the day was sit around in his costume, just biding his time. And the lights were hotter than Hades, and the other actors—Maggie Smith and David Niven among them—didn’t seem as amused by his stories as Bogie had been, back in the day.

But now the phone was ringing, and it was Liz Smith, calling him from New York. New York! Oh, how he missed it! He squealed into the phone, happy to hear a familiar voice.

“Liz! My angel, my rescuer! I’m so glad to hear from you! Do you have any idea what that amateur Maggie Smith said to me the other day? Now, this is strictly off the record, of course—unless you think it should be otherwise—but—”

“Truman, do you have any idea what’s going on here?” Liz, in her laconic Texas drawl, interrupted him.

“No, what do you mean?”

“Well, Esquire came out today.”

“Of course! I’d nearly forgotten! Tell me, tell me—is it brilliant? Wonderful? The most astonishing thing you’ve ever read?”

“Well, it’s astonishing, all right. Did you hear about Ann Woodward?”

“No, what about her? What did Miss Bang Bang do now?”

“She killed herself, Truman.”

“No!” Truman sat down; oh, this was good! He hadn’t heard half so good in ages.

“And, Truman, the rumor is she had a copy of Esquire in her hands. And the pages were open to your story, ‘La C?te Basque 1965.’?”

“NO!!!” Truman didn’t try to stifle a squeal; think of the publicity! Oh, thank you, Ann Woodward, you fag-hating murdering bitch! “Oh, Liz, really? You’re not making that up, are you, my darling girl?”

“Truman,” Liz said slowly, “I don’t think you quite understand.”

And then Liz proceeded to inform him that all hell was breaking loose in Manhattan; screams and hysterics were being witnessed in penthouses, restaurants, 21, Bergdorf’s. His name was on everyone’s tongues—for his friends, his swans, were not so dumb as he’d assumed them to be; they’d recognized themselves and their stories, after all. Everyone had. And were happy to tell Miss Smith that never again would Truman Capote darken their marble doorsteps.

“How delicious!” Truman kept screaming throughout. “How delightful! What a dream come true!”

“Slim, Gloria, Marella—they’ve all vowed that you’ll never be accepted again. Jackie O, apparently, has taken to her room with her salts. Gloria Vanderbilt is seething, possibly suing.”

“Oh, they’re just saying that! Their plastic noses are out of joint, that’s all. They’ll change their minds in a few days—they always do. I’m simply too famous and fun for them to give me up! But, Liz, really, my darling—is it truly a scandal? A divine, delicious literary scandal, just like in the good old days of Hemingway and Fitzgerald?”

“At the very least,” Liz affirmed. “Truman, everyone is furious, even those who aren’t in the story! And Ann—well, you’ve managed to get everyone all misty-eyed about someone they all simply hated before your story. That’s quite an accomplishment.”

“How did she die?”

“Cyanide pill.”

“Well, darling, I didn’t go out and buy the pill for her, so why blame me?”

“Because of the story, Truman. The part about Ann—you really dredged it all up, and then some, saying that she’d never divorced her first husband. Is that true?”

“It might be.”

“Well, everyone thinks it was vile and unnecessary, at the very least. But the stuff about the Paleys—well, that’s the capper. The nail in your coffin.”

“There’s nothing about the Paleys in my story,” Truman said primly.

“Truman, cut the crap. A Jewish media mogul with a fabulous, kind, beautiful wife, and who can’t keep his pecker in his pants?”

“Darling, read it however you want. That’s what great literature does—it allows people to interpret it in different ways.”

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