You could smell the foul secretion of the snakes. Mixing with that was the smell of their burning. You know the smell.
That car crash you’re passing. It smells like garter snakes burning. That airplane falling from the sky. Garter snakes. A husband collapsing heart down. A woman screaming. A child hit by a car called Father. You know it all smells like snakes on fire.
“See what I mean, Fielding? Doesn’t he deserve to be punished, even just a little bit?” Sal gripped the stone in his hand until his knuckles blanched.
I nodded, repeated his own words, “You can tell a lot about a man by what he does with a snake.”
You could lose your eyes, staring at that group. At their silent twinkling. I am still surprised by the excitement in their smiles.
I was once told writing in a journal could help me. Something about putting the pain on the page. So I got one and finished it in a day. I looked back to see what I’d written. Nothing but little lines, swooping and curving. Not one word. And yet didn’t it say everything? The way their smiles did? All the dark, all the hurt, scooped up, carried by curve.
Long after the last snake burned, they continued to watch the flames, in love with fire and so certain of what they wanted burned. It was hurt for them to finally douse the flames. They grieved, watching the smoke of their beloved churn away to the sky.
It was Elohim who called them up from their knees. The meeting was over and he was handing out vegetarian recipes. They quietly received them before glancing back at the fire, wishing it still huge and bright.
When Elohim was alone and humming over the snakes’ ashes, Sal stood and announced rather quietly, “I have the Andrea Doria. I have your Helen.”
Elohim turned and stared at the ship painted on the stone Sal held up to him.
“You little—” Elohim fell into a tirade of profanity as he took chase after Sal.
I went after them, running past the nearby tree house and through scratching briars and dry blackberry bushes while a woodpecker knocked on one of the trees overhead. I didn’t know where we were running to, but I wasn’t stopping, not even when a flying squirrel glided across the path in front of me.
Flying squirrels were usually seen only in the woods at night. It was as if the squirrel was saying, Go back, Fielding, before you make a mistake. You don’t belong any further, just as I don’t belong here in the light.
At that moment, I didn’t care where I belonged. I was all legs running after two souls more entwined than any of us could ever have imagined. Isn’t that a scary thing? To be soldered, sword to sword, the battle eternal and the win never had.
I realized Sal was leading us to the river, and once there, he threw the stone into the water as he said, “Best hurry, Elohim, the Andrea Doria is sinking. Don’t let her. She won’t forgive you a second time.”
Without hesitation, Elohim threw himself into the water, paddling his short arms up in big splashes to get to the stone that had already sunk. Still he dived down, only to come right back up empty-handed and gasping for air.
“I’ll give you another chance.” Sal reached into the bucket by his feet. “See if you can save this one.”
This was how it went. Sal casting a stone. Elohim splashing to get it. Splashing more to find it before it sank. It always sank. He became stupid-faced. Eyes frantic. Mouth open. Probably slobbering as he turned his face this way and that, his cheeks seeming to bobble in each movement. A slow-motion whale caught in the fisherman’s net. Turning and twisting, trying to be free but only getting further away from that very thing.
“Sal.” I grabbed his arm. “I don’t know ’bout this.”
“I’m doing this so he’ll stop. Maybe he’ll even move away and we’ll have Breathed all to ourselves. You, me, Mom, Dad, Grand…”
It was the first time I’d heard him make my parents his own. The first time he’d spoken my brother’s name like he belonged to him too. I guess I should’ve said that was all right, because he looked down like it wasn’t. Like he could never be my brother, the third son of Autopsy and Stella Bliss.
“I just mean he’s not going to stop with me. You know that, Fielding. He’s starting to talk at those meetings about you and yours.”
Elohim was still diving below the water, unaware of anything more than the ship and the woman he was trying to save.
“I’m not telling you to hit him.” Sal placed the stone into my hand. “Just let him feel a little splash. Let him know you’re willing to fight for and protect those you love. That if he drags out this fray, he will not leave it unscathed. It’s a battle we are in, Fielding. And if a few stones can end it, wouldn’t you rather have them than a war that goes forever?”