“I never thought about it either,” he admitted, his finger trailing up my arm. “Never seemed like an option.”
Up until he reached his god-hood or whatever you wanted to call it, Seth hadn’t had a future, so that made sense. I bit down on my lip as I studied the striking lines of his face.
Sometimes, as shallow as it sounded to admit, I got a little lost just looking at him. I could remember what I thought the first time I’d met him. His beauty had been so cold, almost unreal and untouchable. Not anymore. There was a warmth there, a softness that couldn’t be denied.
I flattened my hand over his chest, feeling his heart beat strongly. “I’m . . . I’m scared.”
His lashes lifted and his hand stilled on my arm. His gaze searched mine. “Josie . . . psychi mou.”
I loved it when he said that. My soul. That broke me in the very best ways every time. “I know it’s common, right? I mean, I guess most expecting . . . moms are. I just don’t know if I’m doing things right.” I glanced down at my belly, wishing I could talk to my mom or my grandmother. “That I’ll mess up. It’s just scary.”
“I’ll be here.” Seth cupped my cheek, drawing my gaze to his. “You’re not going to be alone in this.”
“I know.” A few moments of silence stretched out between us. “I’m surprised that I’m still pregnant after everything that happened. This baby . . .”
“This baby is a fighter. Can we be surprised?” A half-smile formed. “You’re a fighter.”
“So are you.” How could he not realize that?
“Both of us are,” he corrected, smoothing his thumb over my lower lip. “But I was born into a life where fighting was first nature. You were thrust into this. In a way, you’re stronger than most Sentinels.”
I wasn’t sure about that. I was scared witless by the fact I was pregnant. I had no idea what giving birth was going to be like, and I seriously doubted it would be a fun thing to go through. Raising a child, being responsible for a little being, was terrifying because I knew there was a good chance I’d drop it once or three times. And that’s not even acknowledging everything else going on.
But I liked that he said that, because his vote of confidence did help. “This kid is going to be . . . Man, what is this kid going to be?” I asked, curious. “A demigod? A god?”
He kissed the tip of my nose. “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out, and either way it will be all good.”
Drawing back, I stared at him. “How can you be . . . be so calm?”
“Calm?” His brows lifted. “I’m just better at hiding my panic.”
“You’re panicking?”
He slid his hand around the back of my neck. “I’m . . . I’m scared, too. Having a kid is seriously some uncharted territory. Everything . . . everything has changed, Josie.”
My breath caught. I had a feeling I knew what he meant.
“Today is nothing like yesterday,” he said, his gaze searching mine intently. “And later tonight, when we go to sleep, it will be nothing like last night. Everything that we do, every decision that we make going forward, will change because of this.”
I drew in a shallow breath, but it got stuck.
“Nothing is just about us anymore. I don’t mean that there still can’t just be an us,” he said, threading his fingers through my hair. “But the big decisions, we can’t just think about us.”
He was right, and I knew that. “When have we ever even gotten a chance to think about just us?”
Seth opened his mouth, but then what could he say? I was right. We hadn’t had the chance to be selfish in our relationship. We probably wouldn’t for a long, long time.
“And the world is not going to stop just because I’m pregnant. The Titans aren’t going to just call a time-out, and the gods? How long are they going to stay out of this and out of our lives once the Titans are taken care of?” I asked, squirming as my unease rose. “Nothing outside this room has ceased to exist, and it won’t. We still have to find Mitchell. We still have to take care of the Titans and anything else that comes our way. That hasn’t changed.”
Seth’s eyes darkened to a chilled topaz. “But we will have to make some changes.”
I raised a brow. “We?”
“Yeah.” A grin softened the hard look. “Both of us. Probably in ways I don’t even know yet.”
“Pregnant or not, I still have to help. I have to entomb the Titans,” I said quietly. “I know you don’t want to hear that, but you can’t just go and kill them all.”
His lips pursed, and I could just tell he wanted to ask why not, but he didn’t. Seth didn’t say anything as he tipped my head back and kissed me.
And those kisses turned deep, becoming something infinitely more, leaving me breathless and wanting. I ended up on my back and Seth’s wonderful, talented hands were between my legs and his tongue and his teeth replaced those devious fingers of his.
Within moments I was lost to the touch and the taste that was all him. Our bodies were fused together and we were twisting and tangling. I was in his lap and then I was on my knees and his arm was pinned under my breasts.
There was no rush this time, no scrabbling of hands and frantic thrusts, but this release, when it came, was no less powerful than the one before. But afterward, as we lay in each other arms, our bodies heated and damp, our breath mingling and hearts pounding, the questions lingered.
How could I walk away from my duty?
How could I put my—our—unborn child in danger?
I didn’t know.
I didn’t know if there was a right or wrong answer.
But I knew I would have to choose.
And I also knew I may not even have a choice.
~
I dozed as Seth continued to make little designs with his fingers, this time across my stomach because I now lay on my other side, my bottom tucked into his hips. I woke every so often to the feel of his fingers dancing over my skin. I’d wiggle against him and was immediately rewarded with a kiss to my cheek or my neck. I don’t think he slept, but I was tired, so I drifted in and out.
A feeling of . . . peace had seeped into my muscles, and while I lay in his strong arms, all those concerns from earlier retreated outside the room. It was just him and me and . . . the future we were making.
But I still slipped into a dream.
A nightmare.
No longer in his arms, I was on the ground. Rough, broken asphalt dug into my palms and scraped my knees through the dirty, torn jeans. My hair hung in my face in thick clumps.
I was back there, outside the warehouse, and I could feel him beside me, waiting and watching. My mouth opened but there was no sound. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. I kept repeating that over and over, because I knew, deep down, I wasn’t in that warehouse anymore. I just needed to wake up. I had to—
My head was wrenched back. Panicked, my arms pinwheeled as I fell backward. My wide gaze swung over the trees, over the truck sitting by the garage bays. I landed on my ass. The bright sun was blotted out by a tall figure.
Oh no, no, no.