I rolled to my side to face you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
“I know you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I know you don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks. I know you work your ass off in that studio every day to make your dreams come true. What else do I need to know?” I asked.
We’d spent a lot of time talking the last few weeks and it made me laugh that you still thought we didn’t know each other. You didn’t even realize how much you’d opened up to me and how much you’d let me see, and you had no idea that the stuff I’d shared with you weren’t things I went around announcing to everyone I knew.
I’d told you about my life growing up, my parents and their accident, joining the Marines, and continuing to work at the stables so I could put my sister through college.
You’d told me about your father and how he’d had the studio built for you, and how it was your little secret between just the two of you, that you both kept from your mother.
You had no idea how good it felt knowing that you trusted me enough to let me in on the secret you’d only ever shared with your father and Meredith. Whenever I had any doubts about not being good enough for you, not having enough money, not having anything to offer you other than myself, you’d erase all of those uncertainties just by being honest and not being afraid to tell me anything.
“What are we doing?” you whispered as you stared into my eyes and I slid my hand down your side and wrapped it around your waist. “I’m probably moving to New York in a few months and you’re a Marine who could get stationed anywhere in the world. This is crazy.”
It was crazy when you put it that way, but I didn’t care. I also didn’t tell you that I’d already asked about a possible transfer to New York. I had no idea where this thing was going between us, but I knew where I wanted it to go. I knew when I kissed you a few weeks ago in the stables that there would be no turning back. You’d gotten under my skin and into my heart and I knew I would do anything to keep it that way. After years of denying my attraction to you and refusing to allow myself to have you, I would stop at nothing to make sure I never lost you.
“Don’t worry about what happens tomorrow, or next week, or months from now. All I care is being with you, right here, right now, just like this,” I told you as you wrapped your arms around my shoulders and smiled.
“You make it sound so easy.”
I returned your smile, tightening my arms around your waist.
“Because it is easy. Especially now that you’ve stopped trying to pretend like you hate me,” I joked, which earned me a smack on the chest. “The only thing that’s hard is knowing you’re having a fancy dinner tonight with some schmuck your mother adores who could give you everything I can’t.”
I wanted to kick myself in the ass for saying something a little too honest and deep when I watched the smile fall from your face. I opened my mouth to apologize, but you quickly leaned forward and kissed me, sliding your hands through my hair and making me forget what I’d just been thinking when you slid closer and pressed your body right up against mine.
You pulled your mouth away before I was ready and gave me that smile again.
“Fine, I won’t worry about tomorrow as long as you won’t worry about tonight,” you told me with a shrug. “Since you avoided my first question, now you get three. Favorite color, favorite movie, and favorite food?”
You quickly moved your hand between our mouths when I tried to lean in for another kiss.
“You’re killing me,” I muttered against your hand, groaning when you tortured me even further by sliding one of your legs over my hip.
“First you answer the questions, then we get to the good stuff,” you laughed, letting out a surprised squeal when I quickly rolled us until you were beneath me.
“Green, Shawshank Redemption, Peanut Butter Captain Crunch,” I spoke rapidly, your laughter immediately dying with a soft moan when I pushed between your thighs and kissed you before you could ask me anything else.
You made it easy to forget about my worries and insecurities, and I could only hope as I slid my hand under your shirt, that I did the same thing for you.
Fuck, I miss the sound of your voice. I miss the smell of your skin. I miss your smile. I miss your laugh, I miss your kiss.
—Eli
There’s a knock on my bedroom door, and I look up from the letter I just finished reading when Meredith opens the door and peeks her head in.
She gives me a sad smile when she sees the letters strewn all over my bed, and I feel a moment of remorse that I’ve completely ignored her in the last week by either locking myself in this room to read the words Eli wrote to me all those years ago, or to race off to meet him.
“I know you’re still mad at me and that’s okay,” Meredith tells me as she opens the door wide and moves farther into the room. “I did something really shitty, thinking I was protecting you, and I’m sorry. I just want you to be happy, Shelby.”
I open my mouth to tell her that I am happy, but she holds up her hand to stop me.
“I know he can do that for you. I see it on your face every time you come back from being with him, but just be careful. He’s been through a lot, and so have you. You guys can’t stay locked up in that barn forever. You’re going to have to come out and face the world someday, and you can’t do that if you don’t talk to each other.”
I’m still hurt and angry by what she did, but it’s hard to stay mad at her. If the shoe were on the other foot, I might have done the exact same thing. I’d do anything to protect Meredith and keep her safe, and as misguided as her attempt was, I know she didn’t do it to intentionally hurt me.
“I forgive you,” I whisper.
Her chin quivers with emotion and her eyes fill with tears. She quickly clears her throat and smiles at me as she moves to the side of the bed, leaning down and giving me a quick hug before pulling back and straightening her shirt.
“Enough of this emotional shit. My car is waiting out front to take me to the airport. I’ll call you later when I land?”
I nod my head and return her smile, knowing we’re going to be okay as I watch her walk out of my bedroom and hear the front door close. I close my eyes and rest my head back against the headboard with a smile, knowing that no matter what, Meredith always have my back and be there for me.
*