I’ve spent the last five years compartmentalizing things into before and after. There’s a secret place in my head where I’ve hidden all of my memories of before Eli died. I keep those memories buried and refuse to think about them. I refuse to remember that time in my life when I was young and stupid and so foolishly in love and full of dreams. When my leg wasn’t made up of shattered bones with pins holding them together. When dancing, and the love I had for a man who was so different from me, were going to be my ticket away from this town and out of this life.
After Eli died, after my dreams died…that’s who I am now. Moving through life like a robot and locking the door to before is the only way I know how to keep moving, keep breathing, and keep waking up each morning.
I never thought before and after would collide. I never thought I’d have to unlock that door and be forced to brace myself for the explosion of memories, covering my head and shielding my heart from the pain I know it will bring.
I hear Landry shout for help from far away and I close my eyes, letting the darkness take me away from the name that continues to whisper through my ears.
Elijah James.
He’s alive.
And it will cost me.
Chapter 2
Eli
I find myself standing in front of the locked door, in a place I remember like the back of my hand.
With my arms folded, the toe of my scuffed and dirty cowboy boot taps against the cement floor in irritation.
I know I saw her head down this hallway a half hour ago, and it’s the only place she could have gone. I didn’t even know there was a room hidden here in the back of the stables, until I caught her strawberry blond hair disappearing around the corner when I was pretending like I hadn’t been keeping an eye out for her ever since I heard she was back in town.
I’ve been working these stables since I was sixteen years old and thought I knew every nook and cranny of the sprawling barn, multiple tack rooms, practice arenas, and offices. I don’t like finding a door I can’t get into any more than I like how my heart started beating faster when I caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye.
Shelby Eubanks has been a thorn in my side since she was twelve years old, following me around like a puppy dog, batting her eyelashes and staring up at me with those big green eyes. Flirting with me every chance she got, probably thinking it would be fun to fool around with the hired help and a way to piss off her bitchy mother. I laughed her off and shot her down up until the day she turned eighteen and left for college. The little bird finally flew the coop and here I am, standing around in front of a fucking locked door just to get a glimpse at her for the first time in four years.
“Why are you standing here staring at a door? Jasmine and Belle need to be cooled down.”
I ignore my friend and coworker Rylan and try the door handle once more, stupidly thinking it will magically open this time.
“Why is this door locked?” I mutter.
“Who cares? Get your ass back to work so I don’t have to pick up your slack,” he complains.
“Did you know this room was down here?” I question, looking at him over my shoulder.
He removes the dusty cowboy hat from his head to wipe the sweat from his forehead with his arm.
“I don’t know, probably,” he shrugs, slapping the hat back on his head. “It’s probably just an unused tack room.”
Why in the hell would Shelby have locked herself in an empty tack room? And why the fuck do I care?
“Jesus, she’s in there, isn’t she? One of the guys said he saw her come into the stables a little while ago and we should keep our swearing to a minimum since the princess was in the building,” Rylan laughs. “She’s off limits, and above your pay grade, even if she is legal and hot as fuck now that she’s all grown up.”
I turn my body and glare at him. Rylan has been busting my balls for two weeks, ever since he got a glimpse of her stepping out of the black limo her mother had sent to the airport to fetch her after her college graduation when she moved back home. For fourteen days I’ve had to listen to him talk about her tits and ass and make tactless comments about her long legs wrapped around his waist.
No, I’m not jealous he got to see her and I didn’t. I’m not green with envy that she came out to the stables on my day off and talked to him. She used to race out here every day after school just to annoy the shit out of me. She used to follow me around, asking a million questions about my life and my job. She used to spend every minute of her free time out in these stables whenever she knew I was working, and now I don’t even get so much as a wave or a “screw you.” I get her sneaking into the barn without a word and locking herself behind this damn door. I don’t even know why the hell any of this bothers me. Maybe it’s because I thought we were friends. Sort of. In a weird, “I know she has a crush on me, but she’s too young and too damn out of my league to even go there” type of way, before I screwed everything up the night of her high school graduation. It’s been four damn years, for God’s sakes. There’s no way she’s still holding a grudge because of that one stupid night.
“All right, well, good luck with that. I’m going back to work.”
Rylan gives me a pat on the back and disappears down the hallway, whistling as he goes. When his whistles fade into the distance, I curse under my breath and pull the small rasp out of my back pocket that I’d been using to file Ariel’s hooves earlier, jamming the sharp, pointed end into the hole in the middle of the door handle. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, but I can’t stop myself from doing it. I tell myself I’m only breaking into this damn room to make sure she’s okay, but I know that’s a lie. I want to see her. I want to talk to her. I want to know everything about the last four years and I’m pissed off she’s been ignoring me. If breaking into this room is the only way to get her to acknowledge me, then so be it.
Ten seconds later, the lock pops and I smile to myself as I shove the tool back into my pocket and open the door. My ears are immediately assaulted with the thumping bass of loud music as I step inside and into another long hallway. Closing the door behind me, I wonder why the hell I couldn’t hear the music from outside. Glancing around as I move down the dark hallway to where the music is coming from, I notice soundproof padding attached to the walls and the back of the door I just walked through.
The music gets louder as I move, not having any idea what the fuck this place is or why no one seems to know it was here in the back of the stables. I come to an abrupt halt when I get to an open doorway, my eyes widening and my jaw dropping open when I see what’s inside.