As I suspected, Jeanie didn’t look like someone who’d just got married and was basking in her honeymoon period. Sure, she had a massive rock on her ring finger and a new navy coat that looked expensive – Hobbs or Reiss or somewhere sensible like that – but she looked really tired, big shadows under her warm brown eyes. When she said she wasn’t sleeping, alarm bells sounded faintly.
Were we going down this route again?
‘I’m okay.’ She managed a half smile. ‘Really. It’s just…’ She trailed off.
‘What?’ Surreptitiously I checked the time on my phone. The bloke I was meeting was meant to be here in twenty minutes. I couldn’t miss the opportunity. If I could talk to the mullah of this group, he might have info on Nasreen’s disappearance; they might have one tiny clue at least – God knows we needed it. The lead in Germany had turned out to be nothing; there was no evidence of the girl on any flight to Turkey at the moment, despite the CCTV to Heathrow – so how the hell had she got to Syria – unless she’d had a fake passport?
If she had got to Syria – that was what I was starting to think.
‘Oh I don’t know.’ Jeanie pulled her hair back into a ponytail, and then she looked at me nervously. I always knew when she was nervous. ‘I do feel a bit like I’m imagining things, but…’
‘Spit it out.’ I felt frustrated, partly because of my lack of time. ‘Imagining what?’
‘It’s – someone knows, Mar. And it’s as if they might be making things – well kind of hard for me.’
‘Knows what?’ I shook my head. ‘Don’t get it.’
‘Everything. They know everything – and they’ve said so. And last night – there were dead birds outside. Only when I told Matthew this morning, they were gone.’
‘Dead birds?’ I felt myself frown. ‘What do you mean?’
‘There was a mother and a chick laid out, like someone had – I don’t know. Made some kind of picture. I saw it, I know I did – but then it was gone.’
I saw her eyes fill with tears and I thought, Oh shit, please don’t cry, Jean. I’m not good with tears; never have been. Make me feel – kind of angry inside.
Helpless, the shrink said. They make you feel impotent, Marlena, so you get angry.
‘Sorry,’ Jeanie said, wiping them on the back of her hand. She knows me so well, my big sis.
Frankly I was a bit worried by all this, but I wasn’t sure how to play it.
‘So let me get this straight.’ I fiddled with the wooden stirrer thing, desperate for a fag. ‘You still haven’t told Matthew everything?’
‘Most of it, I have. And I’m going to – I was going to the other night – but then his son got rushed into hospital and…’
‘Shit.’
‘He’s okay – he’s fine now. But someone wrote to me, Mar. They sent me a card.’
‘What kind of card?’
My phone buzzed. It was a text from Ravi:
Twenty minutes!!! Outside Central Mosque.
‘Oh God, Jean, I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to go in a sec – I can’t miss this bloke, it’s pretty fucking crucial…’
I felt bad – but this might be life and death.
‘No worries.’ Jeanie gave a bright smile. ‘I probably am just imagining things. It’s been a big change, I suppose. Just need to get used to things. The house and things – it’s so big, it’s kind of – weird.’
Why did she say that? No worries. Why didn’t she just say, Stay the fuck here and listen to me?
‘I will come up soon, I promise,’ I said. ‘To stay in your nice big house. In a weekend or two. Tell him everything. Then it’ll all be okay. And enjoy the house! I would.’
‘Yes, I will try. I’m sure you’re right.’
‘I’m always right, aren’t I, Jean?’ I pulled a silly face as I picked my coffee up. ‘How’s Frank? Tell him to come and see me.’
* * *
I’m always right?
Jesus wept, Marlena. You fucking stupid cow.
Twenty-Seven
Jeanie
28 February 2015
I feel a bit better now! It was good to see Marlena, even if it was brief – and Matthew was all normal when he got home. He ordered us a Thai curry for supper and told me about King’s Lynn and the mad cousins. And I slept much better last night.
* * *
Frankie brings Jenna home for lunch. A curvy little brunette with a big smile and gappy teeth, I warm to her immediately. He was an early starter, my lovely Frank, always keen on the girls – and that’s fine with me. I don’t really get all that jealous mother stuff. It’s beyond me.
As long as they are kind. I just want Frank to be happy.
That’s all I want really.
But I don’t think Matthew appreciated Jenna’s rather left-wing politics. He’s far more traditional than I first realised, and I’ve not told him yet about my misspent youth selling the Socialist Worker.