He laughed. ‘I dare say your particular brand of mischief doesn’t go down too well with unfriendly foreign governments, no.’
‘I can never understand why,’ I said. ‘We’re just exhibiting a natural and exuberant curiosity for the most part.’
‘By stealing their secrets.’
‘Well, yes, I suppose when you put it like that…’
There was a knock at the door and Sergeant Massive Beard brought in a tray bearing a pot of tea, two cups, a small jug of milk and a few sugar cubes in a bowl. He looked at me sullenly, but said nothing.
‘Thank you, Sergeant,’ said the inspector and waited for him to leave. ‘He’s a surly old cuss,’ he said once the door was shut and we heard his boots clomping off down the corridor.
‘There’s always one,’ I said.
‘There is, but I don’t properly understand why we have to put our one on the front desk where he can antagonize the public.’
I poured the tea.
‘So, Miss Armstrong of Littleton Cotterell,’ he said, picking up his pencil and preparing to make notes. ‘What news of the murder of Spencer Carmichael, late of Top Farm? Has much happened since Monday?’
‘Not so very much, but I think it’s turning out to be rather significant,’ I said. I told him about the walk in the woods and our encounter with Jed Halfpenny.
‘I think I remember that name,’ said the inspector. ‘Little chap? Very neat? North Country accent. Ex-Army, I think.’
‘I say,’ I said. ‘I didn’t realize he was famous. It sounds like the same man. He lives in a caravan in the woods.’
‘Yes, yes, that’s the chap,’ he said, looking up at the smoke-stained ceiling as he tried to recall. ‘He was staying up on the Downs for a while, minding his own business, but the locals took a dislike to him and drove him out. He helped us out with a tricky case involving a missing bank clerk, though, I think. Decent chap.’
‘Quite so,’ I said, returning to my narrative. ‘He told us about the mushrooms, so this morning we visited an old friend of Lady Hardcastle’s at the hospital, and he agrees that it could well be deadly webcap that killed Mr Carmichael. And because it can take up to a week, it means he was mostly likely poisoned much earlier than we all thought.’
‘A week, eh? So that puts all sorts of new people in the frame. Including you, actually. Didn’t you see him a week before he died?’
‘We did, Inspector,’ I said. ‘And that brings me to the main reason for my visit.’
‘You’re going to confess? That would clear things up very neatly.’
‘No, silly. If I’d done it you’d never even find the body.’
He looked suddenly rather chilled and I had to smile to let him know that I was at least half joking.
‘No,’ I said, slightly more brightly. ‘But Lady Hardcastle does think she’s close to solving the case. She’s paying a visit to her solicitor even as we speak to clear up some question or other, but please don’t ask me what because that’s one of the things she’s being infuriatingly coy about.’
‘When will we be allowed to know the results of her abductions?’
‘Abductions?’ I asked with a frown. ‘Not deductions?’
‘No, miss, definitely abductions.’
‘I see,’ I said, making a mental note to look up the difference. ‘Tomorrow. At twelve o’clock. At The Hayrick in Chipping Bevington. She says you’re to bring burly companions and a black maria and to expect to make an arrest.’
He chuckled his familiar throaty chuckle. ‘Does she, by crikey. Well if it were anyone else I’d make them sweat for their impudence, but since it’s her, I shall see what I can do.’
‘Thank you, Inspector, you’re an absolute poppet.’
‘I am on the quiet, miss. But don’t let on round here, I have a reputation as a stickler and a martinet to maintain.’
‘Your secret is safe with me,’ I said, finishing my tea. ‘But I mustn’t keep you. It seems you’re hot on the trail of your bank robbers, too.’
‘Not much gets past you, does it?’ he said. ‘Yes, I’m pretty sure it’s got something to do with the sewers but my boys are onto them now and all I have to do is keep an eye on things.’
‘How exciting,’ I said, standing up and straightening my coat. ‘Do you want to give me a black eye, just to make it look convincing?’
He laughed. ‘I can’t imagine many people managing to give you even a playful slap, Miss Armstrong. I’m not sure anyone would believe I’d blackened your eye.’
‘Just thought I’d offer. Don’t want your men thinking you’re too soft on witnesses.’
‘You’re more by way of being “consulting detectives”, miss,’ he said. ‘We don’t beat up our consultants. Once one has that reputation it makes it very difficult to engage anyone else.’
‘Consulting detectives,’ I said. ‘I like the sound of that. Like Sherlock Holmes.’
‘I suppose so, miss, yes. But slightly easier to get along with, I’d wager.’
I smiled and offered my hand which he shook warmly.
‘Until tomorrow,’ I said.
‘I’m already looking forward to it,’ he said. ‘Here, I’ll show you out.’
He led me back along the corridor and down the stairs and I confirmed the arrangements for the following day. I gave Sergeant Massive Beard a cheery wave as I went out through the main door and he glared at me.
As I walked down the steps to the car I could just about hear Inspector Sunderland barking a rebuke at Sergeant Massive Beard for being rude to members of the public.
I was still smiling as Lady Hardcastle came round the corner and waved a greeting.
‘What splendid timing,’ she said as she reached the car. ‘It went well, I take it? You’re terribly grinny.’
‘Very well indeed, my lady. The inspector will join us for lunch tomorrow.’
I waved Bert back into his driving seat and opened the car door for her myself.
‘Splendid, splendid,’ she said, climbing in. ‘Mr Pentelow hopes to be able to send me a telegram by tomorrow morning to confirm my suspicions and then we’re all set for arrests and justice.’
‘And you’re still not going to tell me anything further,’ I said as I slid in beside her.
‘No, pet.’ She clutched her side melodramatically. ‘Poorly, remember? Need to be indulged.’
‘Pfft.’
She laughed. ‘To luncheon, Bert, dear thing.’
‘Very good, m’lady,’ he said, and with a burble and a clatter, the car slid away from the kerb.
Lady Farley-Stroud’s favourite hotel in Bristol had indeed turned out to be slightly old fashioned, and not at all the sort of place we might ordinarily have chosen, but the food was exquisite. There had been some raised eyebrows from some of our fellow diners at the presence of a mere lady’s maid in their midst, but we ignored them and eventually they had ignored us in return.