‘And you believed it,’ he said.
‘I thought – I started to believe it was all a ruse. To make me think you cared about me so much that you would go behind her back to be with me. So I would do anything for you in return.’
The admission hung between us for some time. Warden swirled the dark wine in its glass.
‘And are you seduced?’
The heat of the fire was drying his hair. The light brought out notes of darker, chestnut brown I had never noticed before.
‘I haven’t decided,’ I said.
We studied each other for some time.
‘Look, I’m more than aware of how paranoid it sounds, but I lived with Jaxon for three years without knowing the truth about whose side he was on. He must have been laughing at me, when I told him about the Rephaim. When I tried to get him to help me.’ I returned the bottle to its place. ‘Now I just – I don’t know who else I’ve been playing the fool for.’
His next words were soft. ‘You have heard other Rephaim name me flesh-traitor. It is understandable for you to wonder why I would have chosen this path, if not for some ulterior purpose. It is also understandable for you to doubt those closest to you now Jaxon has shown his true colours.’
‘Why, then?’
‘Why did I choose you in the colony,’ he asked, ‘or why did I kiss you on the night of the Bicentenary?’
I held his gaze. ‘Both.’
‘You will not like the answer to the first.’
Rephaim didn’t make a habit of disclosing their emotions. Warden had made oblique statements about his feelings towards me, but this was the first time he had volunteered any information.
‘At the oration, twenty years ago,’ he said, ‘there was a young man with auburn hair and black eyes, full of contempt. While the other humans kept their heads down, he alone stared back.’
‘Jaxon,’ I murmured.
‘He became Nashira’s tenant that year. Her only one.’
‘Nashira was his keeper?’ It didn’t surprise me.
‘Yes.’ He paused. ‘You looked at me in the same way, twenty years later. You looked me in the eye, asserting yourself as my equal.’
I remembered that night all too well.
‘I suspected, in the years to come, that Nashira’s favourite was the traitor. It tested my faith in all of humanity. Yet when I saw that glimpse of him in you, I sensed that you might have the courage to rebel; that only I could be your keeper. Terebell had taken an interest in you, but she did not order me to take you in. Quite the opposite. She thought I was a fool for bringing you into such close quarters.’ His fingers tapped the arm of the chair. ‘Of my own accord, I elected to take you into Magdalen and hide your progress from Nashira. She could see your red aura. I knew that she would try to steal your gift.’
‘So you did it to protect me.’
‘It was not a wholly altruistic act. If Nashira had mastered dreamwalking, she would have become far more powerful, making it difficult for us to revive the Ranthen.’
It was disturbing to hear him talk about Nashira. ‘But you first chose me because . . . I reminded you of Jaxon.’
He didn’t answer. I tried not to show how deep the words cut me.
‘How close were you to him?’ he asked.
I considered. ‘Mollishers are usually closer to their mime-lords than I was to him. They’re lovers, sometimes, but Jaxon doesn’t have any interest in sex. I was his protégée. His project.’
Warden rarely interjected, like a human might to show continued interest, but neither did he look away from my face.
‘Tell me, Paige,’ he said, ‘does Jaxon know that you were once in love with Nick?’
‘I never told him,’ I said, ‘but he might have guessed. Why?’
‘What Jaxon said at the Archon plays upon certain aspects of your past and personality. He knows that you cannot abide anyone trying to make a fool of you – and he knows, most likely, that the first person you loved did not love you,’ he said. ‘Jaxon has carefully poisoned your impression of me. He knows the way you guard your heart. In your mind, I am now someone who might be making a fool of you, who cares nothing for you, and who only means to use your gift for his own gain – another thing you fear.’
He understood so much about me, and I still knew so little about him.
‘What he has done is insidious. Nashira must be delighted to have him back at her side.’ Warden’s eyes scorched. ‘There is no way for me to prove to you that I am not what he claims. Not unless I publicly turn against Terebell, which would cause tension within the Ranthen. Perhaps that is what Jaxon expects me to do. To win back your confidence at the expense of our ability to work together.’ He looked back at the fire. ‘With one falsehood, designed to target what he sees as your emotional vulnerabilities, he has demolished the foundation that you and I have laid. Nine months, and your trust in me is fading.’
If true, it meant that Jaxon had thought of everything. This was mental warfare. The only way to fight was to refuse to do what he expected. To trust that Warden was my ally.
‘I make no apology for refusing your request in front of the Ranthen. Only for the hurt it caused you,’ Warden said. ‘I would choose Terebell’s orders over yours again – if it meant that we would not be sundered, and if it held the Mime Order together. Hiding what I feel for you, being forced to do nothing to support you in public – this is the price I will pay for change. And we all must pay a price.’ He settled back into his chair. ‘Jaxon’s foul scheming may have left scars on my body, but I will not allow it to scar the alliance we have built together.’
I seemed fated to flee from one set of strings to another, endlessly caught in a web of deceit.
Yet trusting Warden felt . . . right, somehow. It was a feeling I couldn’t deny, a certainty I could never explain.
‘I should have told you sooner,’ I said finally. ‘I’ve let it eat away at me for weeks, but . . . I did tell you, in the end. And I still don’t know if this can work – but it will take more than one lie from Jaxon to break my trust in you.’
Warden lifted his head. ‘Do we have a truce, then?’
‘Truce.’
Weeks of dancing around the truth, and just like that, it was over.
A cool tingling started beneath my ribs. Warden laid down his glass and looked at me, and his look pierced me through. It would only take a step to bring us close enough to touch.
Instinct made me glance towards the door. I had heard him turn the key and draw the chain across when he arrived, as we all did when we came in for the night.
The fire crackled as we moved towards each other, as he gathered me into his arms. As I searched the deep, endless pupils of his eyes, I let him learn my face with his hands. He must have known every inch of it, but he traced my features as if he wanted to decipher them.
‘We shouldn’t start this again.’ I rested my head against his chest. ‘Maybe it’s best if we just . . . let it go.’