“Because your family is a disaster, and still you crave their approval. We all want to be loved and accepted—and forgiven for our mistakes—but, often, that moment never comes.”
“You think I ought to give up on them?”
She shook her head. “Pick your battles wisely, Brody. You’ve been fighting too long.”
“Perhaps you’re right. But I don’t want to think about them just now. You were wonderful tonight, Angelica. No one would have ever believed it was your first party.”
“I was so nervous…”
“In fact, I think that was the real reason Mary Rose lashed out—you showed her up at her own birthday.”
Surely that couldn’t have been it. Angelica was a nobody, and Mary Rose Neill had the world at her feet. “She needn’t worry. I doubt I’ll attend another one of her parties.”
“No, indeed,” he said, laughing. “You’ll throw your own.”
What a preposterous idea. Who would ever come to a party of hers? “You might as well help me out of this dress. I think I’m dropping beads by the minute.”
Captain Neill moved to unfasten the hooks and eyes holding her together. She had loved the frock, and he had loved seeing her in it. The silk underneath might be salvageable, but the elaborate, jet-beaded net was destroyed. It was, perhaps, a sad metaphor for her life—beautiful, yet ruined.
Angelica was feeling sorry for herself. It was only a stupid frock. Granted, it was her favorite stupid frock, but there would be others. Just as there would be other nights, and other parties. Thankfully, she would always have Captain Neill by her side.
He stripped her out of the dress, and tossed it aside. Beads clattered as it landed on a nearby chair. She eased off her shoes, and then began to remove her stockings.
Captain Neill stopped her. “Let me.”
He went down on his knees. Angelica held onto the edge of the bed as he slowly, deliberately rolled each silk stocking down her leg. Her heart danced as his fingers brushed the backs of her knees, the turn of her ankles. When he finished, he pressed his lips to the bared skin just below her lace combinations.
She wanted him to go further. To kiss higher. He stopped when he reached the purpled bruise on her inner thigh.
“You should have let me kill Peter when I had the chance,” he said, softly.
“He’s your friend.”
“I have no friends. Only you.”
Lonely man. Her heart broke for him. “You’ll make new friends. Better friends.”
“Ones who know nothing about my past…”
She ran her fingernails lovingly through his thick hair. “Or mine. We’ll make a fresh start.”
“Would that we could.” He rose up from his knees to face her. She felt his warm breath on her lips. There was something in his voice—a hitch, perhaps. He knew something she didn’t, yet could not find the courage to tell her.
He began to undress, instead.
This, she understood. Lovemaking. Copulation. When the rest of their life was at sea, they could always come together sexually. He was her ballast, and she, his safe harbor. To Angelica, at least, these were familiar waters. A welcome distraction.
She peeled out of her underthings. Captain Neill had never seen her unclothed. She wondered what he thought of her naked body. Did it please him? Excite him? Angelica had no real idea what anybody else looked like, but her other lover had found her attractive, so she must look all right.
She stood awkwardly by the bed. Couldn’t he say something?
He came to her then, snaking his arms around her waist. He too was naked. She felt his heated skin collide with hers. “God, Angelica…”
Their lips met. Her heart thundered, and her mouth opened for him. She touched her tongue to his, sending sparks down her spine. When his hand cupped her breast, Angelica nearly crumbled. No man’s touch had ever knocked her to her knees before. She gripped his arms to keep from falling. In answer, Captain Neill picked her up and lay her back against the bed. Her head touched the pillow. She felt the mattress dip.
He was beside her, touching her, kissing her. He nipped her neck, and suckled her earlobe until her back arched.
She gasped, and bit her lip to silence herself. It was too much. Yet not enough. She wanted him inside her. She couldn’t wait. Angelica spread her legs. She begged for him to touch her there. If he wouldn’t, she would do it herself.
“Be patient,” he said, pressing his lips to her chest. “No need to rush tonight.”
Her useless eyes searched the darkness of her world. “But I want—”
“I want, too. But you deserve to be made love to, Angelica, for the first time in your life.”