“She told you?”
“Yup.”
“I thought she was too, I don’t know, ashamed to talk about it. I didn’t know she had told anyone around here.”
“She told me. She was really frightened.”
“Did she ever discuss the sleep clinic?”
“Well, I guess she was pleased that they seemed to get the sleepwalking under control. At least for a while.”
“At least for a while,” I agreed. Then: “I didn’t wake up that night.” It was a reflex. I wasn’t interested in Marilyn’s sympathy or consolation, but I knew instantly it sounded like I was.
“No, it’s not your fault, sweetie. You must know that. You have to know that.”
I shook my head and went on, trying to bury my guilt like a seashell beneath beach sand. “Did my mom ever talk about anyone she met there?”
“At the sleep clinic?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why?”
“Just curious.”
“Do you know something?”
“I’m just trying to figure out her life. What happened…”
Marilyn took a deep breath. “The detective talked to me, too. Obviously.”
“So you know who I’m talking about.”
“Garrett.”
“It’s Gavin.”
“That’s right. Gavin. He said he knew your mom from the sleep clinic.”
“Did my mom ever talk about him when they met?”
“What are you suggesting?”
It was almost like patter, I thought to myself, the way Marilyn and I were dancing around the subject. It was a misdirection of sorts. And so I decided to speak as plainly as I could. “Do you think that my mom and Gavin were having an affair?”
Marilyn sighed. “No, not really. I believe it was more of an emotional infidelity.”
“I think I know what you mean, but I’m not completely sure.”
“You’re young. I think your mom and Gavin were attracted to each other, despite the age difference. Your mom had a decade on him at least. But they were never going to act on those urges. Your mom was never going to cheat on your dad. She wasn’t built that way. But she and Gavin shared something special.”
“Their sleepwalking.”
“Well, yes, but I didn’t mean that. I mean they opened up to each other in ways that I’m not sure your mom did with your dad—or with me.”
“Do you think she talked to Gavin about my dad? About their marriage?”
Another customer passed us in the aisle, an older woman in what I supposed was her husband’s red flannel shirt. We all smiled at each other. When she was past us, Marilyn answered, “Maybe. I guess she talked about whatever people who have these sorts of friendships discuss. What’s lacking in their life. What’s missing. I think a person only falls into one if there’s a hole in their marriage.”
“There was a hole in my parents’ marriage?”
“Oh, Lianna, not like that. But you had to know it wasn’t perfect. You’re a smart girl. But what marriage is?”
“Perfect.”
“Yes.”
“What was wrong with my parents’ marriage—in my mom’s eyes?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I shouldn’t even be talking about this. But your dad can’t be the easiest man in the world to live with. He’s—”
“Right now he’s just completely overcome,” I said defensively. “He’s just wrecked.”
“So you’re all not okay. You’re more than just shell-shocked.”
“Of course we’re not okay,” I went on, angry suddenly for reasons I couldn’t quite parse. But the combination of the way that Marilyn had deserted my family so quickly, the revelation that my mother and Gavin had had what Marilyn called an infidelity, and now Marilyn’s attack on my father had all conspired to upset me. “We’re not okay at all. How could we be?”
She took my arm. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have believed you. I’m a mother, I should know better. Can you come to my house for tea? I’d love to see you. It’s so lonely with Paul at school. Justin is always out and about somewhere, and so the house and the studio are just so quiet.”
I took a breath. “Yes. Sure.”
“And while I see from your shopping cart that you’re feeding your dad and Paige well, why don’t I drop off dinner one day later this week?”
“Fine.”
“I’ll call you so we can coordinate. And Lianna? I’m sorry for anything I told you that I shouldn’t have. I really am.”
I extracted my arm from Marilyn’s grasp and wiped at my eyes, which were starting to tear. “Don’t be. I probably needed to hear it.”
“No, you didn’t,” said Marilyn. We embraced, and I could smell weed on the woman’s dress and thought of how Paige reacted when she detected the stench on my clothes. It made me feel even worse about myself. I presumed that tea meant grass—or at least would include grass—and wondered if I would have the willpower to resist.